EATING, DRINKING, AND SLEEPING. (A YANKEE SERMON.) TEXT.

Colonist, Volume IV, Issue 351, 5 March 1861, Page 4

EATING, DRINKING, AND SLEEPING. (A YANKEE SERMON.) TEXT.

If a man would be dry, let him drink, drink, drink, If a man would be wise, let Win think, think, think, / If a man would be rich, he must work, work, work, ; If a man would be fat, eat pork, pork, pork. ; BOT IP, ; A man with ease would study, he must eat, eat, eat, But little at dinner, of his meat, meat, meat; And a youth to be distinguished in his art, art, art* Must keep the girls away frotA,his heart, heart, heart. My Hearers: To keep continually dry, always wear an oilcloth dress, carry, a good umbrella, and practise rum-drinking. ; The. first two articles, however, are only essentia' in protecting the outside from superabundant moisture, but the latter keeps the inside as dry asa stovepipe. T never knew a drinker but was eternally dry—-dry in all kinds of weather. He goes to bed dry, gets up dry, and keeps himself dry through the day. It's not to be wondered at; for how can he he otherwise than dry, when he keeps the blue blazes of hell constantly burning in bis bosom, by pouring double distilled d—-n down his throat ? Id fact, my brethren, the drunkard is for ever dry. The more he drinks the drier he grows; on his death-bed he calls for " one more drink for the last," and then goes out of the world as thirsty as though he bad lived upon salt codfish all the days of his life. . My friends; If you would be wise, you must think, think, think. It's a matter of doubt to me whether flighty fools or intelligent dogs do the most thinking. You, perhaps, think you. thiuk as much as the. greatest of philosophers but the deuce of it is, what do you think about, and what doe 3it amouut to ? The gems of wisdom lie, deeply buried, and tbey can be .obtained only by great and mental toil.. You must dig for them, like a dog for a woodchuck, or you dont get them. . My hearers: If you would be rich you must work—work like new. cider. Idleness eats big holes through oue's, coat, jacket, and trousers, and never ptovides means to mend tht ra. You must work your way to wealth, or you'll never get it. By bodily and brainly exertion, remove every obstacle that Doubt and Fear have implanted in your paths—blast, if necessary, the rock of salvation—and you will acquire riches; but look out you do not bring a plague upon your peace,* and lose your own soul at last. My dear friends; If you would be fat, eat pork, aud eat every other kiud of adipose matter, and you will get as fat as a hog, and twice as stupid. I have nothing further to say upou this point. But if, my hearers,; you would study with ease, and have the mind as active as a< squirrel in a cage, you must be careful not to weary the stomaoh with au overload _of meat and vegetables. Tiie brains an J their belly are near neighbors—chum companions. They are so identified, that whatever affects the one is sure to move the other. Fancy won't stay about the premises while a cart-load of roast beef and plum pudding is undergoing the process of digestion ; and imagination takes wing to get out of smelling distance of the disgustful mass. To think clearly, you must eat little and stir your stumps. My young he friends: It you wou d make much headway in the world, and arrive at any degree of proficiency in your undertakings, you must keep thfc girls away from your heart. They are troublesome iusects, we all know ; but you mustn't let them bother you when busiuess demands you undivided attention. Better marry them at once—commit matrimonial suicide— thau allow them to plague you for a moment. So mote it be !