Overheard in Whitaker Street

Te Aroha News, Volume XXVII, Issue 4444, 3 August 1909, Page 3

Overheard in Whitaker Street

(To the Editor,)

Sir,—The following conversation is Said to have been overheard in Whitakersfcreet on Thursday last; will you kindly publish it, as some one might like to hear it.—l am, etc.,

K. F. W. L-M.

Pat: What was all that running backwards and forwards between the Muddle Office and Chemists shop a while ago.

Mike : Jumbo was hit on the raw, sure Heaven be my bed to-night if he didn’t go into high-strikes when he read the Te FAroha News, and they say that all the stuff in the Chemist shop and two Doctors failed to bring him to, and they had to resort to an old Irish remedy to put him on his legs again, and they do be telling me, one of the medical men was nearly thrashed to death by the wind, with the tails of his own overcoat, in his hurry to save the ould boy’s life. Pat: Tits, I suppose ? Mike: Passion one’s only, I’m told the second Director, or is he errand boy now ? No matter, whatever he is, I hear he has applied to the Syndicate for a flying machine, in order to clear away when Jumbo is attacked with these things. Pat: What brought Jumbo to again ? Mike: Faith, only burning turkey feathers under his trunk.

. Pat: They say Montgomery is strutting about like a peacock, and no wonder, fancy nearly a whole column of the “ Mail ” to himself, and a letter signed Chiropodist, and people doth say that column and letter are written at the same place and by the same person. If this is true, it is a sad state of affairs when you have to do all the writing yourself, and make believe it’s written by another fellow ; and people also doth say the pump-room style is after Montgomery’s, yure, in that case, “imitation is the sincerest flattery” Mike : Have you the rag with you ? Pat: Yes (opens up and commences to read). Mike : Take it in sections, call the first No. 1. Pat: Reads No. 1.

Mike : Jumbo’s wrong again, Montgomery does not come from Dublin, why on earth man, cannot Jumbo be sure of what he trumpets about. Every time he starts he gets picked to pieces, cannot even reply to Montgomery’s statements, re signing of petition, or any other thing; he’s been laughed at all over the town. Pat: Reads No. 2.

Mike : Jumbo’s an ass, sure it’s only lately come to bis turn to have a doublebarrel to his name, and, sure if he is down on Saxon name 3 (as he calls them in his ignorance), why on earth has he borrowed a Saxon one to tack on in front of his own ? Man alive, I’m telling you the truth when I say, a lady who knew him years ago, and who was staying at the Hot Springs Hotel not a month ago, nearly fell down in an applepie fit with the dint of laughing when she heard him called by the double barrel name, and when Montgomery mentioned it in Hamilton a while back all the town were fit to burst with laughing fever over it. Man, man. man. it’s awful to think how some people put their foot in it, every time. Pat: Reads 3 and 4.

Mike : Sure man alive, it was Jumbo started the game, and also said he would - soon fix Montgomery up. Faith, evidently he lost no time about starting, and as for calling names, well, presently you can read me Chiropodist’s production. Surp, Jumbo does nothing but contrad ct his own statements, and as for wit, well, it’s not in the Pump-room Column it is to be found, lots of personal spite, but little else. Pat : Reads No. 5.

Mike : Heaven help the shareholders of some papers. Sure, the stone-crusher Jumbo says won’t arrive till the Millennium has been at the Railway Station here for days. Pat: That accounts for it. I’m told ould Jumbo can do with a powerful lot of shut-eye. Mike: Sometimes I’m told people suffer from Katzenjammer, but there, never mind that, read me Chiropodist’s letter.

Pat: Reads down to words “ castigated canine with its tail between its legs.” Mike : No names there are there, eh ? but tell me honey, do you know a man in this town who walks round :day and night with a look on his ould face, like a sour ould bull looking at a butcher. Pat: Ask me something harder, that comparison is not your own, it was told to you. Mike : Well, yes it was. Pat: Reads rest of letter. Mike 1 Sure Jumbo and a whole lot of the bowlers signed the very petition they are writing to the Government about now. Have they no minds of their own, the poor ould fossils. As for Montgomery holding no business footing in Te Aroha, well he spends hundreds of< pounds in the town yearly, and has ventured £SO towards developing mining here. What does Jumbo do, spends what he has sucked out of the town in salary, about £156 per annum, and runs down anyone who tries to do anything for the place.

Pat: How do you make that out ? Mike : Listen my hoy, and I’ll tell yott. In January last the “Mail” ran down the lire Brigade Sports and called our young men, or at least some of them untruthful, then Mr Boynton approached the Government about a rosegarden in the Domain and offered 125 of the best roses the Government wished to have. 'This offer was accepted with thanks, out what thanks did the Te Aroha Mail give Mr Boynton P None, only a leading article, which evidently' was meant to try and belittle him in the eyes of the public; next Montgomery tries to get us a place for our sick (some of whom have died on the way to Hamilton Hospital), and again this same newspaper goes on the belittleing lines, abuses profession, and belittles everything* he does, calls him names, but roars out because Montgomery returns tit for tat. says he’s no class, or words to that effect. I wonder the Directors of the Thames Valley Printing and Publishing Company don’t think more about the shareholders interests. Surely running down everything anyone does for the place is not the best way to get the Company to pay. One would think the newspaper was paid to drive capital out of the town. If it’s to be taken as the feelings of the public, I don’t suppose anyone wants to remain and spen,d money where they are not wanted. On the other hand, if it’s not speaking the public feeling, then it has a jolly hard cheek :to go on as it does, or is it that one outsider thinks that all

the paper belongs to him, and that he can use it to belittle whom he likes and to give vent to his own personal spite on anyone he wishes. What he is trying on Montgomery to-day he may turn round and try it on you to • morrow. One thing

is certain, that is, as long as Montgomery is attacked he’ll defend himself, and he’s not going to take anything lying down like a dog. Pat: True for you, people will be careful now what they try and do for Te Aroha. I suppose Jumbo when he has driven everyone away who wants to help on the town, will pay handsomely towards all sports, etc., etc. Mike : The Good Lord give you an ounce of sense for you must be devoid of any, you’ll get plenty of trumpeting from him but that’s all.

Pat: The Mail praised up the Fire Brigade Social the other day. what have you to say about that. Mike : What have Ito say about that is it ? Man alive are you so blind as not to know it wanted to get out of the apology for its own words in January last.

Pat: Good-lye. Mike : The Saints defend you kindly,