Methodist Church Social.

Te Aroha News, Volume XXVII, Issue 43337, 13 June 1908, Page 2

Methodist Church Social.

IMPEOMPTU SPEECHES.

(Contiaued.) IV. y Mr E was next asked to speak on the principle features of an Englishman. Stepping forward in his usual brisk an earnest manner, this gentleman scanned the paper given to him, and paused, wi the usual English characteristic, before

commencing to speak. Then wit earnestness which was listened to wi breathless interest by those present, proceeded to inform all and sundry that an Englishman was noted for his strong determination, his belief in truth, stolid indifference to danger, his ardour in time of action; in fact he made i quite clear that an Englishman was

proud of his family if he had any, ahd generally beloved by them. He sai that an Englishman was slow to move, but when he did so he seldom S ave _J n until he had attained his object, -the speaker then turned to the Chairman, asked if time was nearly up and upon receiving an answer in the affirma-

tive, gracefully and composedly retired jr 1 receiving the plaudits of the meeting. He here attempted to advance to the to bow his acknowledgements, but was pulled back. y. - ’ ; Mr B— was then called to the front by the Chairman, and received the subject to meditate about, namely, the chief feature of an Irishman. The Chairman, admiring apparently the exterior appearance of this speaker, informed him that he would, give him five minutes. At this Mr B. smiled, and advancing to the edge of the stage until one would' think he would topple over on to the sawdust floor, began in the following way. "Well, this Irishman business is a bit of a tough one, but

here goes. An Irishman is a native of the Emerald Isle. This does not mean that the natives are green, but. that the Island is green, that is if there is a sufficiency of rain to make the grass grow. But, said this gentleman, I forgot to tell you that I am half Irish and half Scotch, so if I felt inclined I could give you a little of both. Well, an Irishman has | got red hair, that is if it is not black. : There is a difference in Irishmen,. the Irishman with red hair is lively, witty,

jolly, and one of the happiest fellows you ever met, and his face, well, what about his face, I tell you the very sight of it would make you laugh and if he opens his mouth kis appearance is irresistable, In fact, if an Irishman put in an appearance in the dullest of company with such jp a face it would change it from .grave to gay, crying to laughter,. and in a very short time everybody would be. in. the best of humour. The wit of an. Irishman is intense, laughter provoking, side splitting, and effervescent. You would see all and sundry bubbling over. This native of the Emerald Isle is a loyal subject, brave almost to madness, rushes into danger without any fear, fights like

a demon, and drinks 'whisky like a fash. Yes, an Irishman whisky, real old Irish tipple.. A smelt of a whisky bottle would restore him from a bed of affliction to robust health and strength. I don’t like a dark-haired Irishman, they are very tricky and unreliable, though not so in all cases. There are exceptional of course, but give me a red haired, rollocking, jolly, humorous, laughter-

provoking Irishman and they arc the best fellows in the world. The Irish are a generous race, a strict, close together / race of people and will iputi themselves out to do any one a good turii. However, I will conclude by stating that Ijjjj hope my five minutes are up, is that so Mr Chairman. Well, faugh a ballah. VI. Mr P , the sixth and last to come to the front, had to devote his intellectual faculties on the question of the chief features of a Scotchman, and here,

may I remark, we nave a real Draw Scotchman in himself, for this gentleman stated at the' outset of his discourse that he was a Scotchman, and came from the i “land o’cakes.” The Scotch were very f fond of money, in fact, said the speaker it’s like dragging a tooth out of a per- , son’s head to get any money out of a

Scotchman. They were shrewd to an intense degree, earnest in their walk through life, in fact, they were, he might say, intensely earnest. . Scotland they must know was an extremely cold coun-

try, in fact, many a Scotchman has been known to die through the effects of hard j drink (ice). Of course when a country is ' cold there must be a lot of snow about, and by-tho-bye you can’t beat Scotland for snow, and that calls to my mind that by continued gazing at such white, clear

surroundings has had the effect of turning the average Scotchman’s eyebrowß anu hair invariably white. (By-the-bye, this reminds mo that the speaker’6 hair was black). However, went on the speaker, what puzzles the natives of other coun-

tries is why the Scot wears no trousers." His lower anatomy is usually uncovered to the cold blast of the eternal snow. The speaker here narrated a story of himself about being caught in a show storm, and somehow or other managed to dive head first in a snow bank, with his legs sticking up, and being a good time before he was rescued his legs got dead with the exposure, and had to be rubbed into existance again. The Scotch were brave.

undaunted, merry, in a way, happy, contented, disagreeable too, loving, fond of sticking to what they had got. They were not teetotalers as a rule, liked good food, were fond of some life and liberty. The Chairman’s bell called attention to the fact that time was about up, so he concluded by stating that we have only to study the Scotch character to admire it, especially the girls, who were comely, fresh-looking; healthy, and strappingspecimens of womanhood. Gi’ me a Scotch lassie now, and ye can never go wrong. Time is up, said the Chairman, 60 the last of these speakers had down, a great disappointment to all present, who would gladly have given him another five minutes.