The Latest Funnyosities.

Te Aroha News, Volume XXVII, Issue 43315, 21 April 1908, Page 2

The Latest Funnyosities.

•‘ ' • —1 , . Hubby—-I can’t get the casters ; under the bookcase to work at all, and I’ve oiled them twice. Wifey— ir- . But did you use castor oil, dear ? i :" "How do you like your newt , laundry?" “ Very well, indeed, J sent twelve collars last week, and, - everyone of the button-holes came ' back!" Mrs Gasser—l was outspoken in my sentiments at the club this after* T;y noon. Mr Gasser—l can’t believt it! Who outspoke you, my dear ? ? ; |: Mrs Hastymatch—l had a dozen y ; proposals before yours. All from ; smarter men thta yon, too. Vi ; : v c Hastymatch—They must hate been. ;, How did they manage to crawl but ) ‘ of it? ; In apart of South Wales,where V inundations are frequent, a board m; raised on a post with this inscription i • yy; "Take notice that when this-board i y is under water the road..fc ; impee- y sible.”

• # V ™ "What! marry my daughter, sir r cried the rich old man j “ why, styfiy / y my only child.” Tho young man/ j smiled. "Oh,that’s aß,rigijtp%r M said,undaunted; "yon see,sir^one. ; v.,;y was all I wanted.” ' y : Undergraduates (after slapping v,;-' r the wrong man familiarly on lb#-Ayyf back)—Oh, ipardon me, sir ! I .., thought you were someone else, y j Stranger (with icy coldness)—Ton ; . ’ are quite correct; I am. , j Sweet Singer—D’Hammer says he * v has a high place in the next show he : y goes out with. Comedian—Well, !, ■• ; should say it is high. He site up in the flies and tears up paper for the ' snowstorm scene.

Charwoman —Shall I get me lunch now, so as to give me strength for me washing, or shall I do me washin first, so as to give me a happytite for I me lunch ? I think it’s strength I want most. ~ HerjHusband (angrily)—l was a fool when I married you. Wife— ; Aren’t you a fool still ? - Her Husband —No, lam not. His Wife —Then you should congratulate me upon my success as a reformer, j Bronson—My wife writes to me 1 every few days from the mountains v, [for more money. Woodson—Well* v I gave my wife all the money I had before she went away, and now I have to write to her when I want some. - V Wise—He’s very wealthy. Mrs Wise—Yes, and very stingy and mean* Wise—Come, now, you’re not sure of that You mustn’t judge a man by his clothes. Mrs Wise—yl don’t. I’m judging him by his .wife’s clothes. !

“Dear Norah," wrote a young Irish lover whose sweetheart had failed to put in an appearance at the trysting place—“l met you last night, but you did not come. I will meet you to-night agin, and if I am there first |I will put a stone on the top of the wall; if you are there first you can knock it off.—l remain your loving Patrick.’’

! No fAdvantage.—“ Oh, Edgar! did you see in the paper the description of that new house where everything goes by electricity ? Wouldn't it be fine if we could live in a house like that ? All you have to do to fet anything you want is to touch a utton.’“That wouldn’t interest you, my dear; it would he tM improvement. Nothing could mV? duce you to touch a button. Just look at this coat of mine!”., |