Wit and Humour

Te Aroha News, Volume XIV, Issue 2105, 19 May 1898, Page 2

Wit and Humour

Disappointed Punter : ‘T backed your horse because I heard the race was a-good thing for .you,’ Owner i ‘So it was., I didn’t' back my own horse.’—Judy. - -

r Matohed. Mrs* Nagnag (after a. Wrangle with Mr' N.) -: ‘ I tell you, you’re no match for me,!’ MrNagnagjr ‘Oh, Lucifer I’—Fun. Tourist (at small Irish inn,'"miles from anywhere) : ‘Look .here,, what does this mean 2 I left. my boots out last night and they haven’t been touched.’ Landlord (with honest pride)} ‘ Thvue for ye, sors. An, begorr’, if : ye’d left your gowld watch an’ chain out, div’l a soul wid a’ touch them, naythor I’—Punch, 1

Appreciative. Mrs Suapple,;: * I took all the trouble to make:, (hat pie, John, and now you’ve put a4jp|j& piece of crust on the-, side of your plkte. How disgracefully wasteful !’ MrSnapple : * I’m not going to waste ife; I’m saving it for a- paper-weight!’ He : ‘ It costs me at least £ sooo. a year to live.’ She : ‘ I’m sure I don’t know why. you dp it. f ’

Artistic Sympathy.—Susan: ‘Lor;. Miss Ella, I wonder you’ve the ’eart to play, and yeu just in your blacks for your poor uncle T Miss Ellas ‘ Don’t be silly, Susan F Can’t youa see I’m only playing on the black notes T’

He : ‘ I think too much wine makes* one fat.’ Wife : * Well, it makes youi lean—against lamp-posts !’ Romance and Reality.—First College Girl: ‘ W hat is to be the title of: your graduation essay ?’ Second Cob lege Girl: ‘Beyond the Alps lies. Italy.’ ; What’s "the title of yours J 7, First College Girl :■ ‘ Beyond the altarlies the washtub.’ v . . . ■ X, Kind Old Gentleman (seeing- a boycrying) : * What is the matter ?’ Small Boy: ‘ Dad—dad is putting a c-c-carpet, and has just hi* his f-f- ’ finger.’ - i - . . ■ Kind Old Gentleman t ‘ Ah ! my dear boy, sympathy with your father’s pain. Is that what makes you ween ?’■■ Small Boy : • N-n-no. I laughed.’