THISTLEDOWN.

Te Aroha News, Volume XII, Issue 1770, 14 September 1895, Page 2

THISTLEDOWN.

“ A man may jest and tell the truth.” —Horace.

’The larrikins who were punished the other on the other side for sprinkling cayenne pepper about the floor of a ball-room richly deserved it. Practical jokes are almost always in bad taste and generally a sign of a bad nature. Not so far from us the s ame ungentlemanly act was committed a short time ago, but I regret to say with impunity to the offender. I must say, however, that if women, young and old, had a proper sense of their own dignity such offences would speedily be stamped °ut and horseplay confined to victimising members of the inferior sex. * * * #

Inventing and retailing yarns whose goodness is measured by taeir ill-nature is a kindred crime. Mr .gurnard Montague, ' of the Gordon gang on v track, has recently been thc ,f one of the most unscrupulous and inexcusable of these so called jokes. One would have fancied that the startling suddenness of Mr Mullinger’s death would have quenched any -- inclination to jest, but a man. born to the inheritance of Yorick’s fool’s cap and bells will jest in the clutches of the devil himself. A two-legged creature of this species has gratuitously invented and spread the story that immediately after that melancholy accident 5 Barney,’ as he is generally known, vanished into the bush and was only discovered and recovered after a two hours hunt. Needless to tell his friends he was the first to help the injured man, to make arrangements for his removal. Yet the lie has spread all round the country and meets him and his friends at every turn. Its inventor prostituted a naturally happy wit before conceiving such a bastard joke.

Hair has always played an important part in history since the days when Jacob deceived his poor blind old father ’by counterfeiting Esau’s hirsute growth, and Delilah deprived Samson of his strength by shearing hi 3 Nazarite 'locks. In Elizabethan times the beard marked the man. ranging from the full shovel beard of the Doctor of Divinity to the pointed one of the soldier. We are all familiar with the love-locks of the cavalier, the Napoleonic moustache wax-stiffened into the similitude of ram’s horns, and the close cropped poll of the convict. I wonder if the last intended to prevent him walking away with the gates of Mount Eden ■ as Samson did with those of Gaza. Breton maidens raise a dowry by the sale of their flowing tresses, which go to enhance the charms of Lady Clara Vere de Vere or of Polly Perkins, and fortunate owners of a real heavy head can sell it for enough to realise a handsome annuity, but I never heard till to-night of two men being refused a job in the Waikato. swamp 3 because they patronised a ‘curse of Ireland shave.’ ‘Served them right too,* was the general verdict of the audience!

o : o ■’■ ©• o ■ '■' ~ Resident Magistrates in Ireland in Coercion days neither deserved nor enjoyed much popularity as a rule, but one at least was an exception. ‘Peelers’ rarely troubled him with the frequent prisoner, as he had an unpleasant Way of sometimes turning; the tables on the myrim lers of law an l order. One night, however, three stalwart Boobies brought before him a poor shivering creature out after eight and asleep on his cart. The Kitchen was the scene of the interview. * No.w, my man, were yon drunk.’ ‘ No, your honour,’ stammered, the prisoner half frozen with cold and fright. * Are you cold ?’ He admitted he was, as if in doubt whether Balfour had not made this too a crime. ‘ And hungry ? ‘No supper yet.’ Prisoner feebly pleaded guilty. ‘ John, give this man a stiff glass of brandy and a good sipper let him sit up to the fire and call me again when he is full and warm.’ All this time the three constables were sitting on a form, at tbe cold end of the kitchen. Supperover the magistrate returned. ‘ Where is this man’s, horse ? So you left it on the road; Fetch it at once, to the stable and give it a good feed. Now my man, are you warm. P That’s right. And had a good feed ? Better still. Can you sing P ‘ Only a trifle, your honour.’ Well stand up then with your back to the fire and sing me ‘ The Peeler and ithe Goat ’ ‘ For the benefit of the uninitiated I may say this is a song of the heroic .deeds of a gross® of police; who arrested a goat and swore informations against him for presenting two pikps at them. When the ditty was concluded, thank you my man. Now yon have fourteen miles.to go, your horse is safe in the stable with a feed for nine in tbe morning j Jdhfc, will you see too have a bed and a. good breakfast before you start, in the morning, and could you do another glass ?’ • Shure, your honour, I’m afeard its drunk I’d be.’ ‘On the virtue' of your oath, couldn’t yon take a pint ?’ Then to the peelers who h'ad been enforced witnesses, and hearers of this scene from the cold corner of the kitchen, ‘ you can go, men s I’ve no further occasion for you:* o © © ©

It has long been the boast of New Zealanders that their Parliament sets an example to those on the other, side, but as things are progressing I hardly think this will last long. Ever since Mr George Hutchlso ' denounced one minister as ‘ the pomp and the pander of the Bank of New Zealand ’ and two others as branded with the same tar brush, parliamentary Bi'li agsgate has been the fashion. It is not permissible to call a man a liar, but it is quite legitimate to tell him that if you met him with Ananias and Sapphera in the street you would think well mated. If you say ta Mr Ward ‘ that is absolutely untrue r the speaker will jump on you, but why disturb Sir Maurice when you can convey the same idea in Parliamentary language, ‘That is diametrically contrary to fact and you know it All members are honourable and perhaps on the principal ‘ The greater the truth, the greater the libel * it is a. high crime and misdemeanour to tell a member he is no gentleman, but why should we worry over this slight restriction when, we can say with Mr Beeves ‘ I wish the honourable gentleman would remember he is a gentlem in/ Mr Hutchison too can say with impunity that men are in gaol with the broad arrow on their backs for less than-. Mr Ward said at Home. Seriously though the imputing correct motives has become too shamefully prevalent in all our deliberative bodies from Parliament downwards. Light slander like this must inevitably degrade the character of our publiomen by rendering them indifferent at first to reputation and finally to desert. I must enter uiy protest too against the shameful way in which the late Sir Harry Atkinson’s and Sir Frederick Whitaker's party have taken to their bosoms as a second Achilophel the slanderer of their late chiefs. It is a meaness I should hardly suspect Captain Bussell of. lapyx.