CURRENT TOPICS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VIII, Issue 484, 28 June 1890, Page 5

CURRENT TOPICS.

BY ZAMIEL.

The influence of the ballet girl is great, whether wielded for good or evil. I have a young friend who was brought up for the Christian ministry by strict Presbyterian parents. Bub he fell among companions who enticed him to tho Opera Houso last week, and he saw the ballet girls. H° fancied one of them smiled at him. He is now to be seen every evening in the orchestra stalls, and haunting -ihe stage door of the Opera House, wearing a high collar, sporting oyeglasses and a buttonhole. and sucking a cane. I had an old and valued friend, but an admirer of shapely limbs, and with his wife he went to “ Dorothy.” They sat in the front row. One of the audacious young women flaunting round tho stage in short skirts winked deliberately in their direction. His wife knows him, and my poor friend is now a martyr to curtain lectures, and is visibly saddening day by day.

What are the duties of a member of the Board of Education ? Ought he to attend the meetings of the Board, and take an interest in the proceedings, or ought he simply to use it as a stepping-stone for some other public position ? I have noticed lately that one member of our present Board is very frequently absent from the meetings. Often, however, he gets business postponed in order that he may be present. Now, surely ho ought to know that such is not tho conduct expected of one interested in the educational system in Auckland. If private business is so pressing he should not be a member of the Board. •j(• -fr -K* * * Some people are inclined to believe implicitly what they see in a _ newspaper. They will stake their reputation on facts therein alleged, and will sometimes go so far as to back the paper against the Bible. “ The paper says so,” is enough to clinch many an argument. Of this class was a certain lady in a country district. She saw a coroner’s inquest referred to in a paper as a “ coronorial inquiry,” and thenceforward always referred to such events as “ coronorial.” Her husband, with whom she had lived for over forty years in peace and happiness, ventured on one occasion to correct her, but to no purpose. She clung to the good “coronorial” in spite of Webster’s dictionary and the bestwritors, and the only result of the poor man’s well-meant interference was a domestic tiff,the first of their lives. The peace of a happy home was all but wrecked, and all by one reporter who had a partiality for long words. The husband went to the newspaper man, and with tears in his eyes begged him to correct the word next time there was an inquest to report. The journalist fortunately was a married man with hair of his own, and did as requested ; but the lady has lost all faith in newspapers.

Some fasts which may serve as material for a “shot” have lately come to Zamiel’s knowledge in connection with the Auckland University College, regarding one of its professors who was severely attacked not long ago in a certain published letter to the Auckland University College Council. The members of the Professorial Staff are, I believe, under a tacit injunction not to reply through the medium of the public press to any slurs which may bo cast upon them or tbeir work, so a light shot at random on their behalf may not be amiss. A certain gentleman, who does not reside in Auckland, called in question the abilities and attainments of one of the University professors, and insinuated that he was hardly capable of fulfilling his college instruction. Now it may, perhaps, be interesting to know that this gentleman’s daughter only recently obtained her degree with high honours in the late University examinations, chiefly owing, she herself acknowledged, to the professor’s efforts and help. This is something like kicking down the ladder when you have got to the top of the wall. The professor referred to is about the most painstaking and cultured man on the University staff, and all his other students agree in denying that he is not a very able instructor. When the students are nob possessed of the necessary books for the prosecution of their studies, often through pecuniary considerations, he invariably ransacks his private library for the loans required, and he has been often known to devote nine or ten hours a week more to his students than they were entitled to expect), and which they would hardly have received from any other professor. Taking them altogether,l am sure that our University professors are able and cultured gentlemen, and our students could not wish for more painstaking mentors.

Was it Dr. Watts or Young who said that “ Man wants but little here below, nor wants that little long ?” Whoever did say itshowed a most lamentable ignorance of the wishes and desires of men. Men want everything, and the harder it is to get the more they want it. Moreover, if they really want it badly enough and wißh and work hard enough, they generally get it. A man who advertised in the columns of a morning daily, published in this town a day or so back, is, however, not likely to get what he requires though he wastes away from very wishing. His advertisement was in the “ Wanted ” column, and ran as follows : —“ Wanted, a man who can milk and groom a horse.” Now, Zamiel has been most things by turns, and has had considerable experience in farming, but he could not milk a horse. The operation would be attended with difficulties which seem to him insuperable,unless, indeed, the advertiser has a horse built a new and original plan. With an ordinary horse the contract would be a big one,

There is really no end to the funny things people want. A man, signing himself “W.” advertised in last Tuesday’s Star that he wished to purchase a worn-out harmonium, cheap. Now, what in the name of all unmentionable to ears polite can a man want with a worn-out harmonium ? It is really very interesting. It opens up a wide field of speculation to the imaginative mind. Everyone remembers how Tony Weller wished to smuggle Mr Pickwick out of the Fleet prison in a hollow pianoforte case “ with no works inside,’ and holes bored in the legs for him to breath through. Is there something of this sort on the “ tapis ” in quiet little Auckland ? Who is the mysterious W. ? Perhaps he wants to pack an unconvenienb body inside it, and ship it off to London as a gift to a friend. A gentleman in Denmark recently shipped an inconvenient friend toNow York pickled in lime, and is now on trial for the unconventionality of his conduct.

* * # * ■* * * * Or is poor W. an unfortunate afflicted with nerves whose next door neighbours have

a worn-out harmonium on which they persist in playing songs and solos (Moody and Sankey’s)

From morn to afternoon— From afternoon to nij?ln> From seven o’clock till two— From two till day is done— From dim twilight to ’leven at mgnr, as the song in “ Tho Yeomen of the Guard ’ says. Zamiel had such a fiend living next him. He used to play one finger on a tin-pot boarding-house piano. Ho plays no more. Ha ! ha ! He now lies— bub we must not give ourselves away. He lies that is all. Or perhaps W. is trying the counter-irritation principle. His neighbour, like Zamlel’s that was, plays the piano. He is going to murder him with the melancholy strains of a worn-out harmonium. Bub no, that were too cruel for anyone who advortises with the Star to do. There is yet another perhaps ; W. mav be a genius who has invented an improvement that will revolutionise __ the harmonium trade, and he wishes to try his invention on a wornout one. Who knows ? it may be—heaven forbid that it should—but it may be that it is a sort of harmonic musical life elixir which will restore worn-out harmoniums to their pristine freshness and vigour. We can never tell what troubles may not come.

Yellow-back novels and Christian young men can hardly be expected .to be the most intimate of acquaintances, bub the Library Committee of the Young Men’s Christian Association lately appeared, so I hear, to be approaching rather dangerously close to the. line of demarcation between “good” literature and “yellow-back” fiction. They have, however, fixed tho little matter up very nicely. It seems that recently the Association were presented with a large number of volumes of healthy fiction, as they were described. The Committee were glad enough to get them, in they wouldn’t at all object to get donations of books every day. There are empty shelves to fill up, and whether the books are all of the E. P. lloe stamp or not, they are acceptable. But they had one very grievous fault and that was—they had yellow backs, a decided glaring yellow in fact. It would never do to pub such articles before the patrons of the Y.M.C.A. So after much cogitation the Committee decided to have those books le-covered, and provided with some more sober binding. So now in their more sombre garb the volumes are replaced in the Library amongst the works on theology and model Sunday-schools looking more like small encyclopaedias than light reading in the way of fiction. As a member of the Y.M.C.A. remarked the other day, “ We’re terrors on light literatoor, but we don’t want no bloomin’ yellerbacks in this yere libery.” So, dear frionds, it is true that we must not judge a book by its cover, oven if we find it in the Y.M.C.A.

“ Manners they have none, and their customs are beastly.” Such was the answer given by a well-known traveller on being asked how he liked the inhabitants of a certain part of Turkey where he had been sojourning. Zamiel would fain apply the words to a section —happily a very small one—of those who frequent the Opera House, both upstairs and down. They appear, either from ignorance or malice, to be absolutely careloss of the comfort of those who have the misfortune to sib next them or in their vicinity. They do not all annoy in the same fashion or to the same extent, but they might all improve. The most iniquitous of all the theatre-going bores is the creature —male or female—who hums the airs of the opera while the performers are giving them on the stage. Shooting would be too good a punishment for the depraved mortal who wilfully inflicts a cruel injury of this sort on those around him or her. It is generally tho outcome of intense snobbishness, and for sheer annoying vulgarity and caddishness, cannot be excelled.

Less objectionable, bub almost as madly irritating, is the individual who beats the floor with his feet in time to the music. If the persona guilty of this habit only knew what murderous 'feelings they aroused in the breasts of those near at hand, they would tremble and desist. Some day a man will be killed and the jury will bring in a verdict of justifiable homicide.

Then, too, there is that well-meaning but perfectly insufferable bore, who insists on repeating all the jokes in a loud tone of voice to his neighbour, who probably hears them just as well as himself, or herself, for this branch of inflictiveness is mainly confined to the feminine gender, though we have known men so lost to sense of what is right as to do it. Of course, we must not forget the large number who come to operas and concerts tor purposes of lively and spirited conversation. They have almost become recognised as part of the attributes of the theatre and concert hall nowadays, and occasionally their inanities make them amusing. The young man, too, who takes a single seat in the centx-e of a row, who comes in late making everyone stand up and then goes out for a drink between each act, and always coming back after the curtain is up, thus inconveniencing half a score of people by squeezing past them : do we nob all know and love him ? Have we nob all felt roused to rapture by his conduct, so that we have been inclined to rush at him, clasp him in our arms and—pitch him into the street. How poignant has been our distress when we have realised he is a bigger fellow than ourselves, and that the attempt might end in our funeral obsequies being on the following day.

But these are the good old-fashioned bores and bugbears. There is now a new plague breaking out, which threatens to become as maddeningly annoying as any of the others. There is a large and—with sorrow bo it said—growing set of peoplefeminine mainly—who go to the theatre to feed. It sounds ridiculous, but it is absolutely and awfully true. We are not alluding to the thoroughly estimable and delightful people who go to the stalls and° wait an hour or so before the curtain goes up. They are the mainstay of opera and theatre, whom our soul loveth, for they never do annoying things. Moreover, during the long and tedious wait refreshment is necessary. The luscious bub cloying chocolate cream and the soft but insinuating jujube—nay, even the vulgar bub delicious toffy, are in their right place here. Bub let them be put out of sight, sunk either in the depths of the inside proper or the outside pocket before the overture begins ; and in the pit they generally are.

But it is the dress circle folks—the wellfed, scented, and softly-clothed damsels, who have had no waiting and a very good tea, who are the offenders. They guzzle consistently from start to finish, and through the most lovely solos keep, up a crackling of lolly bags and smacking of lips that might amuse did it not so thoroughly disgust. The greadiness is so evident, bo inatelv piggish. All through “ The Yeomen of the Guard ” last Tuesday

Zamiel suffered agony at the hands of some damsels —hence these tears.

How funny it wa3 to see Councillors Atkin and Crowbher exchanging shots re the management of the Auckland Domain at ohe last meeting _of the City Council ! Anyone going into tho matter must be convinced the city loses nothing by having charge of the Domain. Take for instance the Albert Park. Whence are the plants obtained to lay out those beds? From the Domain, and what is more, the skill of the Domain ranger is obtained gratis by the Council to lay out those beds.

Yet we do not find that the City Council contributed towards tho salary of Mr Goldie. Bub tho accounts for the year do show that tho Domain Board has authorised the erection of a propagating house at a cost of £SO, and there is little doubt but that the bulk of those plants will be used in the Albert Park. The trees in the streets of the city are also looked after by Mr Goldie without any extra pay, so that here again the citizens gain by being in charge of the Domain. The sole gain that the Domain has is the guarantee of the Council for an overdraft pending the receipt of rents.

The total receipts of tho Domain Board last year were £526 Es 6d, of which sum £47 4s 6d was obtained for permits, £137 for rents of pastures or reserves, £96 19s for rent of gardens, £2O for fees from the Cricket Ground, and £l4O 8s for ground rents. At the closo of the year the balance due to the bank was£Bo Is 6d. Against this were rents due £44 17s, and cash in hand £6. Cr. Crowi her pointed out that at present the Domain was indebted to the Council to the extent of nearly £3OO. Of that sum, however, £9O had been refunded to cricketers when the ground was taken over and £SO for the propagating house, both of which are expenses that will not occur again. Now, if half the gardener’s salary was paid by the Council, and a fair charge made for the plants supplied to Albert Park since the Domain was taken over, the account would not look so bad. In fact, Councillor Atkin seems to have been pretty near the mark when he said that the Domain did not owe one shilling to the Council. This subject naturally leads me to the question of handing over four acres to the Hospital. This is, no doubt, a great advantage, and the free use of that land should certainly be allowed, but it is rather dangerous to establish a precedent in the way of filching from the Domain. Wo know that in the Old Country domains have been reduced in area considerably. No doubt that was in the mind of the Government when a letter was sent to tho Council recently that there was no intention of handing over the fee simple of that reserve. When the Bill comes before the House it will most probably be carefully inquired into. The trouble with the Hospital authorities was that they had no spare land in front of the building, and there was the danger that some day trees might be planted and grow until the fine view would be obscured. Hence the wish to obtain a few acres in front. It is the intention of the Hospital Board to have this laid out with fancy shrubs that will add to the beauty of the place without choking it with grass growth. There can be no objection to this course bring adopted, and really there is no reason why the land should not be lent gratis provided that it is nob built upon. Still no portion of the public Domain should be alienated.

A second-hand dealer writes defending himself against the “wigging” administered to him the other day by Justice Conolly, for having late at night purchased a saddle for five shillings. He says :—“ lb is true I purchased the saddle at 10.30 p.m., but I had no reason whatever for suspecting it to have been stolen, or to doubt the assurance of the man who offered it that it was his own property, otherwise I should certainly have refused it. As to its value, I may state that I saw a better one with a bridle sold at Hunter and Nolan’s auction on the previous day for 4s 6d, and I have by me a receipt from Arthur and Buddie for 2s 9d which I paid them some time ago for a much better saddle. If Justice Conolly would take the trouble to attend a few of Hunter and Nolan’s sales be would frequently see horses with saddle and bridle sold at 208 to 30s each. Had I not had a horse for which an old saddle would sometimes be useful, I would nob have given 5s for it, as it was in a most dilapidated state, one of the flaps being missing, and the pad stuffings exposed bo view. I may tell you that not one of the jury when they inspected the saddle valued it at more than 10s.”