WEAKLY PAVEMENTS NOT TAKEN. THE ALPHABET ANALYSED.

Te Aroha News, Volume VII, Issue 431, 25 December 1889, Page 4

WEAKLY PAVEMENTS NOT TAKEN. THE ALPHABET ANALYSED.

BY KATTY KISS'EM.

JM. Is the alphabet guilty? (gilt-y.) N. Yes, whenever it appears in gold printing. M. What was its crime ? N. The possession of the component parts c.r,i,m,e. They always denote crime. M. But is that criminal? N. No. The difference is apparent the moment you write the two down. You will iind you want two eyes(i's) tor the last, besides other M. Was the alphabet taken up then ? N. Oh dear yes ! By every nation upon earth. M. And sentenced 1 N. Yes. Thus :— Abbacy, deffigy, calo men, oppiquy, restivy, double-ewe exiwhy, zed. M. Now we will look at it from another aspect. Which letter of the alphabet is the very centre of fashion ? N. H. Thus : fash-ion. M. Which letter is a meal ? N.T. M. Which is the married letter ? N.W. (Double-you.) M. Which letter could you play billiards with ? N.Q. (cue.) M. Which letter expresses what our Navy must have ? N. TheC. (sea.) M. Which two letters are part of the popular intransitive verb ? N. B and K. (be, are.) M» Which letters are personal pronouns singular, according to cockney ? N. I. E. (I, he.) M. And which personal pronouns plural ? N. U. Y. (you ;ve ior we. ) M. Which two letters are birds ? N. T. N. (jay, hen.) M. Which is a measure? N. L. (ell.) M. Which denotes what a sempstress can do? N. M. (hem.) M. Which is a vegetable ? N. P. (pea.) M. Which two mean what the vegetable will do if left too long ? N. D. K. (decay.) M, Which does the lover hope the lady will say to his proposal ? N. A. (aye.) M. Which does he cry out in agony when she resuses ! N. Y ! (why J) M. Which is half a baby's horse ? N. G, (half of t/ee-gee.) M. And which the beginning of a horse's baby? N. F. (the first letter of foal.) M. Which if you put re before it, would become king ? N. X. (it would be rex.) M. Which could a pretty girl wear round her waist, if you put it before one ? N. Z. Before one it would be Zone. M. Which would you not like to call a pretty girl, if you put it before any ? N. The same. For z before any is zany. M. Which is the head of sin as well as 3ympathy. N. S. M. And which has been uttered as running commentary an all of this ?