The Photograph Album.

Te Aroha News, Volume II, Issue 425, 4 December 1889, Page 3

The Phot og raph Album.

ll Oir, ye?, 5 I ?aid, 'I always enjoyed looking at photogiaphs.' She was a pedous sort of woman. Mrs Squat etop. She handed me the album to look ovei until her husband came in. I am a man accustomed to family photograph albums. You can't fool me on them. I know them by name and sight. Pa, and ma, and that's grandpa, and that's grandma, and here's Uncle George, and that is an aunt of pa's — she's very wealthy and has no children, and pa is her favourite nephew ; and this is a young lady T went to school with, and this is brother Henry, and this is cousin Sue, and this is aunt Hetties baby, and this is a young man Henry went to school with, and — do you know who this is ? I know just where the family ends and the strangers hie in. So I praised everybody's ugly, flat, ex« pressionless, staring, stupid face in Mrs Squaretop's album, and I hit everything all right on the first and second quarter, and was coming along splendidly, and drew up on the strangers. ' And who,' I asked, airily, ' is the placid old female ?' ' That was Mr Squaretop's mother,' Mrs Squaretop said, half smiling. And I felt elated. I laughed, and said— ' This old boy had been blown up in a powder mill. Did his friends know that he contemplated this photograph V" That was her father's cousin, who was very dear to her. 'It has always been considered by good judges an excellent picture.' She said it again, and with emphasis. I next found a ' pirate stricken with remorse,' which proved to be her half-brother, whom she loved more dearly than any of her own brotheis, and then I lingered a little while over the angelic face on the , oppo-itc page, ' Ah, there was a face for a man to love. There was a countenance to shine in a man's home and his heart like sunlight — ah-h !' It wa.s Mr Squaretop's first wife ! Then I went at it again, and tried to check the falling thermometer by saying that the imbecile with the curly hair would look less like an ass if he had simply had his hat photographed, as thab was evidently what he had borrowed the silk tie for, but as the imbecile was Mrs Squaretop's dearest cousin, it was a failure, and I settled down fora final •ffort on 'the equal 1 with the smut nose, and wondered if he had as manybrains as he had freckle* and buttons, adding that it was marvellous how awfully black red hair took in a photograph. It was Mr Squaretop's eldest son, and I was, greatly relieved by the opportune entrance of Mr Squaretop, sen. I waited for an introduction. ' This is Mr— ah '—she said. ' Featherley,' l prompted, bowing. •Lea'herhcad,' she accepted, sweetly ; ' he came to look at the two rooms, but I think they will hardly suit.' I didn't want tliem to think I was running away ol' was frightened, and so I sauntered down the road after I had faid good-bye, with slow motions, but taking awful strides.

The camera never speaks, tr ough ib gjvea expression to many views. The only way to get a hen out of the garden is to go slow but shoo'er. , . A train van so last that the telegraph poles looked like a fine tooth comb. li is said that the most skilful chiropodist cannot oxtract a corn from a mistletoe. Plenty of sleep is conducive to beauty. Even a garment looks worn when it loses its nap. Many of the "^people who say that' the.wrrlcl is round have found to their sorrow that it is by no weans square,