HUMOROUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VII, Issue 376, 12 June 1889, Page 6

HU MO RO US .

A man named Dory has just named his first infant Hunky. A debt over a game of cards is a trumped-up charge. The smile is the same in all languages. Ditto tho grunt. The man who figures in an explosion begins at the bottom and works up. He (tenderly) — May I see you pretty soon ? She (reproachfully) — Don't you think 1 am pretty now ? Snooper. — You call that a picked choir, do you ? Chorister — Yes ; why do you ask ? Snooper — It strikes me that it was picked too soon. The Editor Consoles Himself — The death of the head of the great distillery at Cognac removed a famous man, bub his spirit is still with us. "Gracious! Kow well it is preserved," said one man to another, as they gazed at a mummy in a museum ; '* it looks as if it might wake up and speak, if j'ou could only arouse it with some familiar words." — "So it does. Suppose you try it with that story you just told me." We know a man, a brave, true hero, Who, when the mercury drops to zero, Will hold the babe, as few men could, So that his wife can split thfc wood. • Lucky ?' said Mr Olesporb, speaking of a friend, ' lucky ? Why, that man couldn't fall into the soup without finding a silver spoon. ' Tubbs — I flatter myself that honesty is printed on my face. Grubbs — Well — cr — yes, perhaps — with some allowance for typographical errors. First Swell — What glorious music ! Who wrote it? Edward — Beethoven. First Swell — By Jove. I'll write to him. What's his address? Edward — Bonn Cemetery, I believe. Theatre-goers are glad to-day, For the Fates have ceased to frown ; The coming hat. so the milliners say, Is to have a much lower crown. He — They want you at the Coroner's in" quest this afternoon. She — At the Coroner's inquest ? He — Yes. You gave the poor man a piece of pie, didn't you ? An Irishman was planting shade trees when a passing lady said : ' You're digging out the holes, are you, Mr Haggerty?' ' No, mum. Oi'ni digging out the dirt an' laving the holes.' They are planting the famous ' big trees ' on the avenues of the town of Cucamonga, Cal. This will be interesting to the people who will be living in the four or five hundred years from now. The Value of a Good Name-W hy do you look so sad, Miss Ethel?' 'Sister Helen is going to marry Tom Barry.' • The worthless young reprobate ! No wonder you are sad.' ' Oh, it is not that. I wanted to marry him myself.'

A PLEASANT PRESCRIPTION. ' Clara, dear, I think you d better (Jones remarked) just write a letter To your mother that you'll soon be out to Stay with her a spell, For I saw old Dr. Goddard But to-night, and he has ordered Rest and change for you, my darling : now, You know you are not well !' * Ho has hit my case precisely,' Mrs Jones said, smiling wisely, As she rose ere dawn next morning— 'tis a Fact surpassing strange ; Going through Alphonso's pockets Swifter than a dozen rockets— ' I have had a rest,' she murmured, ' now Think I'll take the change !'