HUMOROUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 372, 29 May 1889, Page 3

HUMOROUS.

When the pantry door's unlocked the small boy gets his desserts. Girls who use powder don'b go off any quicker than those who don't. There are sermons so dry that dust flies out of the pulpit cushion when the preacher pounds it. ' Sad about Cholly, wasn't it ? Got his cane head in his mouth, you know, and couldn't get it out.' • How much was it worth ?' • You can't do anything without money, my boy. 1 ' Oh, ye*, you can.' 'I'd like to know what V ' Get in debt.' We are all of us bound to make blunders in this life. Most of our troubles come from trying to uphold them after they are made. Blobson — I understand that Borer has gone South for the rest of the winter. Popinjay — Yes, and for the rest of the community, too. The old-time rush light was even dimmer than parlour gas. Still, the young men of those days were well satisfied with it, and didn't call early to avoid the rush. Father — There, Willie, is the old historic birch vod, nailed over the teacher's desk, which tanned my hide twenty yeare ago. Willie (uneasily)— Are you sure it is nailed perfectly tight, papa ? Blinks — How in the world did you happen j to get such an ill-n'tting suic of clothes ? I Jinks (sadly) — My credit had run out at the |j ready-made clothing stores, and I was ob|i liged to get a suib made to order. { Mrs Walworthy — Henry, why don'b yon write some of those funny • things one would rather have left unsaid ' for the paper ? Mr Walworthy — I can't think of any — excepting, of course, the time I proposed. ' So you are lunnitg a Prohibition paper in lowa now V ' Yes, and doing well. See bhis cane ? It was presented to me by the local Prohibition Club.' 'It's a beauty.' ' You bet it is, and ib holds a pint.' Hotel Proprietor — What is the matter with (hat sick gentleman in my office? Physician — Jim-jamp. • Sir, thab gentleman is one of my oldest guesbs and has the most expensive apartments in the house 1 • Oh, he is suffering from nervous prostration,' Magistrate— What reason have you for abusing the plaintiff in this manner ? Prisoner — He called me a pig 'That wasn'b sufficienb cause.' 'You interrupted me, your Honor. He called me a Pigott. Now, as I am only an ordinary liar ' ' I wouldn'b have pub up with it myself. You are dismissed.' Mrs Testy (looking up from the paper)— Isn't this strange? A Californian alter a fit of illness wns absolubely unable to remember his wife, and did not believe she was the one he married. Mr Testy — Well, I dunno. Ibs pretby hard work sometimos for a man to believe that his wife is the same woman he once went crazy over.