CURRENT TOPIC.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 366, 8 May 1889, Page 6

CURRENT TOPIC.

(By Z.YJiiHa. in the " Auckland Star ") I sounded a note of warning about the danger of holding a korero between farmers and grocets on the much discussed subject of what is a fair market price for butter and eggs, but tho confab oventuated nevertheless, and it proved to be the funniest public gathering I have he^rd of for some considerable time. The farmers, big arid burly, rolled up in full force, and in point of weight and numbers completely smothered their antagonists. The grocers, however, had convened the meeting, and they led off very well with one of their number in the chair. From tho outset the farmers assumed a decidedly bellicose attitude, and each moment the discussion waxed warmer until things became decidedly sultr>. The Chairman interrupted one burly son of the soil, who was holding out vociferously on the goodness of his butter, by remarking, "Oh, everybody's butter is the best." Ho was promptly called to order, and one of the faiming fraternity who occupied a front seat declared that " he, was chairman now, and intended to give his friends fair play." This put an amusing side on the affair, till another of the farmers brought a grocer to his feet with the observation, { "That's a lie." This was received with hissing from the countrymen, and one of I them wanted to have the offending grocer thrown out of a second-floor window. The farmers declined to be convinced that the grocers were not swindling them, and they forced to the vote a resolution requiring tho prices of butter and eggs to be fixed by three grocers and three farmers once a week. The most amusing part of the affair came in when the Chairman discovered that the farmers had such a head of steam on that there was no stopping their torrent of eloquence. Time after time he appealed to his supporters for some pretext to bring the meeting to a conclusion, but in vain, and the meeting ran on for fully two hours, when the farmers began to waver because they had to catch an early train. Their resolution was carried, however, but, if I mistake not, it means little, for the grocers have the option of accepting of rejecting it as they may see fit. * -V * « T W *- ■* ■* Amongst the latest news items from the South Sea Kingdom of Tonga, I notice a paragraph which states that some trouble is just now being raised throughout the Groups, owing to the opposition which is shown by the missionaries and white rulers of the people to the forthcoming grand lahalaka, or festive gathering of the natives, which is to be held shortly at Vavau, under the auspices of old King George For some considerable time past all the young people of Tongatabu and Haapaihave been busily engaged in practising their various dances and old-time out door games for the great occasion, and it is to these that the governing religious power offer such opposition, on the ground of their being relics of old heathenish times, etc. *' Some little time since," says a letter from Tonga, " the Assistant-Premier, in a sermon, gave utterance to some scathing remarks on the matter of these miserable dances, in the presence of the old king, "« ho, at the conclusion at once retired, without waiting for the closing prayer." +** * * * i- * * Those " scathing remarks " do not seem, however, to have touched the soul of poor old George, and heis apparently determined to have hie little bit of fun out before the Premier returns from Auckland. For my part I cannot see why the august brownskinned monarch and his Tongan subjects should have the thunders of ecclesiastical wrath levelled at their devoted heads simply because they wish to celebrate a holiday in their own harmless fashion. Their dances and games have nothing particularly objectionable in them, and are much freer from a certain " pleasant paganism " than those of Tahiti and other localities in the sunny islet-3tudded South Sea«. And it is hard to see what right English or foreign missionaries have to say to a whole race, "You shall not dance, you shall not sing, you shall not smoke," under tho possible penalty of eternal punishment in the next world and the certain lo=s of dollars in this, with a hundred other prohibitions to a people whose chief delight and oftentimes sole occupation is in these relaxations, which ate as necessary almost as light and sunshins to a merry, sunny, "lotuseating " race such as they. The disappearance of these Pacitic tropic dances, pagan though they be, would be regrettable, for travellers agree that nowhere ha\e they witnessed more delightful and pretty fanta&ias, with a charming mignoii grace about them, than they have seen danced in Tahiti, Tonga, and other fair Island groups in the South Seas. + * Why on earth do so many ministers of religion — both missionaries and stay-at-home clergy— seem to always entertain such an insuperable objection to the noble terpf-ichorean art, whether it be pursued by the flying bare feet of a fccantily-dressed Island belle or by the deftly- tiipping youth and beauty of our own communities waving their lilywhite toes in the mystic waltz ? Before inaugurating a cru&ade against these pleasant peccadilloes they should first consider, at least those of them nearer home, whether the delightful nice Sunday-school game of " kiss-in-the-ring "" — with which of course Zamiel is only acquainted by report — which is so popular at New Zealand Sabbath-school festive gatherings above all others, is not more baneful at least than the waltz or even the more active gambadoes of our South Sea dark-eyed beauties. But the time-honoured " kiss -in - the ring " has in these colonies become hedged with a sort of divinity and l-eligious unction from its very intimate connection with ihe outdoor holiday gatheiings of even the most fctaid of our religious sects, feo that the most "proper" young lady Sunday-school teacher may enter into the enticing pastime with as much mingled coyness and sweet abandon as the veriest flii t of a girl in her class. ■f * r - 1 * -f /(■ * \ rather funny scene could have been witnessed in Queen-street a few daye ago on the occasion of a fashionable wedding in one of our city churches. The happy newly-spliced pair had left the building and entered a hansom cab to drive to the wharf to embark on their honeymoon to North Shore or 'Frisco or somewhere. The orthodox shower of rice was not forgotten by the friends at the "kirk" gate, but nary an old slipper was there to be seen. The vehicle containing two love birds, whose "hearts did beat as one." etc.. rolled off slowly and majestically, as became tho wedding of such repiesentatives of Auckland's bon ton youth and beauty, but h^d only reached the nearest street-corner when some heartless wag — the rejected suitor of the blushing bride is suspected of complicity in the horrid plot ran up behind and deliberately tied by a long" string to the rear of the hansom a most disreputable - looking, dilapidated, huge Wellington boot, gone at the heels, gaping at the toe?, and looking for all the world as if it had served for a score of years as a sea - boot oh a son of Old Neptune. The vileminded jilted one having thus given the,

unconscious .happy ones— whom he could only view and very far off — " old boots "in a literal as well as a figurative sense, followed the carriage down the thoroughfare to enjoy the interesting sight. When it turned into Queen-street public attention was at once attracted by the spectacle of a hymeneal car rolling majestically along with an awfully " low ■ looking " boob, with an utter absence of anything like] "tone," bumping and thumping along merrily on the stones a yard or two in the rear of the conveyance. Ere long quite a crowd of people, who had J taken in the situation ab a glanco, were keoping pace with the cab on the sidewalks, roaring with merriment — folks are glad of anything to raise a laugh gratis these times —at that unfortunate boot, the vehicle, the pompous, wedding-favoured Jehu, and the palpably newly-married pair inside. | # # *• They, poor innocents, could not make out what was the matter, and could only gnzei mystified, into each other's speaking orbs, I wondering if perchance their lawful and proper demonstrations of affection were the occasion of the rude hilarity of the plebeian crowd. Cabby was equally astonished, but soon concluded to attribute the cause to the pair of doves inside, and treated with a lofty contempt the injunctions of sundry small boys to " whip behind." A stalwart member of the blue-coated gentry, standing by with knitted brow, was seemingly debating within himself, in his anxiety to get a " case," whether he should not "run in" boot, cab, Darby and Joan, and all on a charge of drunk and disorderly, abusive language, no visible means of support, or something of the sort, but finally contented himself with the needless order — apparently directed to the boot — to "move on there." By the time the procession had reached the bottom of Queenstreet there must have been two or three hundred people watching with bated breath the next scene of the farce, some derisively yelling at the unwitting victims of a practical jokist. The cab stopped, the inmates alighted, wondering greatly at the "full house " they had attracted, but the indignant Jehu soon discovered the trick and appealed, zn a voice choked with emotion and " cu3S-A'ords," to the crowd to bring forward the culprit. None appeared, hotvever, and the beauteous bride and valiant bridegroom sorrowfully wended their way to a welcome refuge in the cabin of the North Shore ferry-boat, where, rumour says, they lifted up their griefladen voices and lamented dismally. Since then a clue has been obtained to the perpetrator of the deed, and before long, Zaniiel hears, a sanguinary meeting is to take place in a quiet, retired spot in the Domain, where the injured Benedict and the heartless villain are to settle their deadly feud with rifles at ten yards' range. * •* * * -5. * w ♦ # The temperance party acknowledge de* feat on the attempt to introduce Dr. Richardson's text book into the public schools, but they arc quite ready for another Herculean effort in the same direction. One prominent temperance advocate is convinced that their party would have I carried the day (or rather the night) at eve»-y one of the householders' meesings in city and suburbs had it not been for the plethora of tea-fights held on the same evening. The temperance people, it seems, are the chief patrons of church soirees, and love these quiet little bun scuffles even better than their determination to introduce Dr. Richardson's book, and hence the householders were conspicuous for their absence from the educational meetings" The anti - Richardson party, on the contrary, mustered in fullforce, and had their own way in mo&b instances, so that the temperance folks are now beginning to scratch their non - intoxicated craniums, and to wonder whether the "moderate"' party fixed the date of the soirees. At all events they want to have another "try," and on the next occasion I believe the ticket is to be " oral teaching for half-an-hour," which does away with the opposition raised to Dr. Richardson's book on the score of unnecessary expense. -*A ♦ # •<■ * I," We hear a good deal about the immorality prevailing in the colonies, and are often told that young people are more carefully looked after at Home than here. Well, if such is the case, Zamiel often wondered how it was they learnt so much on the voyage out, but his mind has been more exercised by some statistics which have been clipped from the " Methodist Recorder," and are compiled as near as possible for 1887. It is a table of illegitimate births, and reads as follows :—lreland,: — Ireland, 2-8; England, 4-7; Scotland, 847 ; South Auatralia, 2 - 49 ; New Zealand, 3 2 ; Queensland, 3-97; Victoria, 5 09; Ontario, 14*4; Bermuda, 16-4 ; St. Vincent, 520 ; Mauritius, 53-6 ; Grenada, 53 "27 ; Jamaica, 59*8 ; Biitish Guiana, 618; Antigua, 65 1 ; St. Lucia, 71 "32. This shows that the morality of New Zealand will compare favourably with the Old Country, notwithstanding all that is said regarding the sad neglect of | home training in these free - and - easy colonies. Judging fey the statistics, the young people at Home require all the care and attention that is said to be devoted towards their training. " You Aucklanders are fouling your own nests," said a Sydney man tho other day to a resident of this city who was bewailing the commercial instability and trade trickery, as he called it, ot our merchants and business men. "It is your everlasting running, down your own people and spreading rumours of their impending crash that is the damnation of New Zealand ." What the man from the other side said is too true, and Aucklanders should bear in mind that by listening to all the city canards of the " man in the street," and repeating them heedless of the loss and annoyance they may cause, they are doing serions harm to the fair name of not only our business people, but the • whole community. Auckland has already a quite bad enough name in Australia as far as commercial matters are concerned, without its own citizens assisting to still further tarnish her name. ■* * * * -f * *■ « /■ An amusing little episode happened the other day, which shows how ono's letters may get into wrong hand?, and thus disclose to public view dear and sentimental whisperings which were only intended to be read by moonlight and alone. A well-known shopkeer, in the fancy goods businces, with a large stock of nicknacks for the ladies, advertised in the Stak for a boy to assist in the usual way; and knowing the quantity of boys about, he made the applicants apply by letter addressed " 8.C." Among many other applicants, one came from a lady, who enclosed her photo. The photo was mounted on aneatly bordered card, representing a lady sitting pensively viewing the future with bright and happy hopes. She wore a richly-furred jacket, and a duck of a bonntt and hair slightly banged, her shell-like ears adorned with gold earrings, which set off her shapely head to reasonable advantage. Her appearance was decidedly , musical and cultured, with one of the sweetest foreheads, and eyes to match, one perhaps could desire. The appearance of

this application somewhat astounded the shopkeeper, and he began to scan the nontents of the letter with evident surprise. She said : " Dear sir, — I mite in answer to an advertisement that I saw in the Star last evening, that a gentleman in a good position seeks a Jady with a view of making her his partner for life, and asking full particulars concerning her. Now, as I have for some time been wishing to enter the matrimonial state, 1 thought I would answer you. I live vith my undo, and though I have every comfort, yet I am fur from being happy, and would like to get settled, anU am willing to coire&pond with any gentleman in good position. I would be pleased to know your position and means." Thon followed an address where to send the letters, which would reach her safely. The Queeu-street trader hurried back to the Star Office, and declared " he already had one good wife," and such was enough for any man. The mystery was then explained by the facb that an amorous individual in seaich of a wife had also invited applications to be sent to " 8.U." Now, what a fix that good husband mighthavelandcd himself inif he had not immediately delivered up that letter to the Stak. Supposing he had put it into his pocket and forgotten it for a few days, and his dear wife, while sowing a button on his coat had accidentally found the epistle, and read its contents ! What answer couldhehavegivenher? Hemighthave explainod till daylight, but a dink cloud would have settled on that poor wife's brow which the presents brought home for a whole year could not wholly efface. I see there is a probability of electric tramcars being introduced before very long into the streets of Auckland and suburbs, as in Dunedin and the Australian colonies. The Auckland Tramway Co. a few days ago discussed the feasibility of adopting electricity as the motive powerfor theircars, and it was shown that at least £3,000 a year could be saved in the working expenditure, which would at once place the Company in a good financial position. Just yet, however, they are not in a state financially to make arrangements for the running of their trams by means of the electric fluid instead of horsoflesh, but negotiations are now proceeding with more than one electric motor and lighting firm for the supply oi the needful power which is steadily revolutionising all varieties of machinery and mechanical contrivances. So before long we may anticipate seeing our crowded tramcars dashing along the streets, no longer drawn by hard-worked, jaded horseflesh, but mysteriously propelled by a hidden force contained in the cars and rails themselves, i John Chinaman's mystified ejaculation — i "No pushee, no pullee, go like hellee" — on his first gaze on the electric tramcars of Melbourne, may be echoed by some bewildered Christian as well as by the childlike and bland Celestial when the first ■ electric car makes its appearance in Queen- ! street, and no doubt grave fears will be entertained by some innocent souls as to the great peril they run in trusting themselves in a conveyance propelled in such an •' uncanny " manner. k *• *<■ " X- ■* ■X «• * Jusfcas railway 3 were strenuously opposed on their first practical introduction, s° electric cars have had in their early days t° enqounter many opponents, bufc their grea b superiority to vehicles or carriages drawn by horse or steam soon became evident. During the past few years the " lightning " power has made giant strides in all departments of science throughout the world, and ibs introduction into our fair ciby will mark another phase in the rapidly - growing civilisation which is transforming, as by an enchanter's wand, these sunny lands of the South into exact counterparts of Old World and American cities, in their bustle and worry, and bread-earn-ing, time-saving competitions. Thelighting of the town by electricity, instead of the time-honoured murky, unpleasant gas, has also been mooted for a long 1 time as everyone knows, but through the unreasoning, stubborn conservatism which seoms to be innate in all governing bodies, municipal and Governmental, the desired change has not yet come to pass, and some considerable period must yet elapse before itsconsumination. However, time works wonders, and before we of this generation leave this vale of tears we may — who knows ? — even live to see the introduction of execution by electricity, and other pleasant uses to which the flying thunderbolt may be turned by mortals. To return to the tramcar;?, there is one thing which the adoption of electri city as a motive power will put an end to, that is, the rather unpleasant sight of a couple or three lean horses struggling painfully and pantingly up a steep incline, laboriously dragging a heavy tram with say some thirty or forty people crowded inside and on the platforms. In the interests of the Royal Humane Society alone, the new departure should be welcome. ■f- x * -ft * ,t «■ -V * It is one of those things that pas.s comprehension how matters religious act on some people like a red rag on a bull. The churches round Auckland have been continually having little breezes over diflerences in things spiritual. Each member of a congregation wishes to have things conducted exactly as he likes, or she likes, for the ladies take great interest in these affairs. The latest little breeze is now blowing in one of our aristocratic suburbs, where the pastor has lately shown lather High Church predilections. This puts him \ at variance with some of the members of I his flock, who prefer everything a« simple [as possible. Perhaps both aides might say " Little things please little minds." One of the innovations wanted by the ministeris to have little " boys clothed in robes of righteousness," as he puts it, in the choir, otherwise choristers, a timehonoured institution in almost every English Church, at least at Home. But this innovation de- | mands that some of the present choir i should take back seats, a course to which the young ladies have a decided objection. But they also object to tho " boys clothed in robes of righteousness " taking the seats | behind them, perhaps on account of their sharp eyes. Under these circumstances what is a poor parson to do ? I sympathise with his efforts to raise the musical tone of his church, and I sympathise with those who object to innovation, and I cannot help sympathising with any of the fair sex who object to being thrown out of the choir. But why do they object? is it to losing their places where they were seated on high in view of the whole congregation ? The foibles and fancies of the weaker sex are peculiar, very much so, there's no accounting for tastes and there is no accounting for ladies' whims. The dramatic version of Mr Fergus Hume's "Madame Midas" has been produced in the provinces with moderate success only., The morning papers at Glasgow are very guarded in their observations, whilst the evening dailies indulge in such vague generalities as •• The scene is laid in Australia," and " the plot ia full of incident." Mr Edward Sass and wife (Miss 3mma Gwynn) have accepted an engagement in Australia from Williamson, Garner and Musgrove, and aail at once.