CURRENT TOPICS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 354, 27 March 1889, Page 6

CURRENT TOPICS.

1 . .""V 7> (By Zamiet, in the " Auckland Star ")

write a neighbour's name to lash m write—vain thought !' for needful cash. Some write to please the oormiry clash, „< , And.raiafe a din. , For me, an aim I navcr tael\— I write' for tun. '

Consistency is a jewel, and it is all the more precious when it is found (like the fabled jewel in the toad's liead), in people who ate " ugly r and venomous." Pious folks like those who run the Auckland Kindergarten are expected to be good as a mailer of course, and consistency in them would not be esteemed any special virtue ; yet it is just tho&o very people against' whom a serious , charge of inconsistency is made. Some" time agoi the Auckland Amateur Dramatic Club offered to give an cnteitainment' on behalf of the Kindergarten funds ; but the goody - goody conducl-o)s ot the baby show held up their hands in holy horror, and paid the thing was grossly immoral, and nob to be entertained for a moment. The amateur diamatistu? subsided (I believe they felt the blow so keenly chat the Club is all bub defunct), and the rigidly veli»ious Kindergarton people laid to their souls the flattering unction that they had effectually osseited their su- | perioriby and vindicated the cause of religion and propriety. So far good, honvthe i prudish point of vio.w ; but what am I to : think when I find these same Kindergarten folks accepting a benefit peiformonce last week from the Amateur Dramatic Club of H.M.s. Opal ? The only solution that suggests itself to me is that the Kindergarten ladies have been reading my remarks regarding the pranks of "Jack ashore" and the little consequences which flow from his mashing. As the care of these " little consequences " is the special work of the Kindergarten ladies, they evidently concluded that it would be poetical justice tor Jack to contribute his mite towards the i support of the little mites. So the ole pals from the Opal set to work, the ladies accepted their services, and so long as the ! children are provided for, consistency and j moi-ality be hanged ! » « * ■, ■**" ■/■ •¥• Now that the naval volunteer encampments have concluded, the discovery is being made that someone blundered periouslv in the selection of a site. The idea of an encampment on a recently drained swamp would naturally strike one as being absurd, and yet puch an anomaly has actually occurred. Four fett under the surface, it is said, water may be struck by anyone sinking for it,and yet through the stupidity of someone in authority numbers of youth's many of whom have been accustomed to all the luxuries of a comfoi table home, have been sleeping on heaps of straw on a low-lying, swampy, and naturally moist soil, to the great danger of their lives. Some cases of serious illness have been reported, and I shall not be surprised if more lives than one pay the penalty of this stupid blunder. It is light and desirable that volunteers should spend a week or two of each year under canva?, but in^ so doing they should not be stuck away in an unhealthyswamp, when higher, drier, and well-drained ground can be obtained in the vicinity. "+ -i ■»*■ -, yA ' * "Thelaw." according to Mr Bumble, anotablecharacter who figuresin Oliver Twist, "is a hass and ahidgit," and Mr Bumblo is not far astray. His emphatic denunciation, indeed, is very applicable to numerous instances which have come under my notice ; and last, but not least in importance, is the absurd declaration of the law with respect to Ralph Fen wick, now incarcerated in the Auckland Lunatic Asylum. Fen wick has a craze that his wife is not his wife, but upon every other subject that may be mentioned to him he is pronounced to be perfectly sane. Fenwick was not a person of more than ordinary interest until recently, and then he became almost famous. He fell heir to a valuable property, and thereupon arose somewhat serious complications. First and foremost, Fonwick'3 wife sought to have him declared incapable of managing his own affairs and to have a committee ap.poin ted to manage his estate; but Judge Gillies, after personal examination of the alleged lunatic, declined to grant the lequesb. He decided "that Fenwick was not of sound mind, but that he was capable of managing his own affairs," and the learned Judge went further, and declared that he though t it was wrong that this man should be kept in the Asylum. The Government/ however, declined to accept the hint, although very pointedly given, and naturally the next move was made by pome friends of Fenwick, who made application to Judge Gillies to ouler his release. The Judfe would be only too pleased to grant the request but for the asinine law which declares that a man cannot be released unlcsb he is found to be of noiuid mind. ♦ 1 * Now, observe the con frequence. Here i s Fenwick, in custody as a lunatic at the Asylum, and there in the Old Country is a valuable inheritance belonging to him. The law, being a "has?," has declared that Fenwiok, nob being of t>oiuicl mind, cannot be released, although, mark you, he is at the same time declared to be i capable of managing his own affairs. The law, " hass " as it is, goes further, and declares that Fenwick, although not sound in mind, is capable of managing his own affairs, and declines to allow a ! committee to bo appointed to administer hi? estate. Judge Gillies is not to blame, for he appears to have done ail in his power to do justice to both Fenwick and his relatives, but he is prevented from giving effect bo that which he believes to be just by the idiotic state of the law. Surely the law itself should be made subject to the Lunacy Act ! It is not &ound and is not capable of managing a very simple business. Taking advantage of the Sunday steamboat excursion up the Waitemata, a friend of " Zamiel " paid the district of Riverhead a visit the other week, and was of course enraptured with the lovely scenery of the place, the .serene grandeur, for instance, of the scrubclad gum flats, or long stretches of rich oystor-mud. Riverhead is to his mind a locality grossly maligned by those more fortunate dwellers in Auckland city who kripw not the real charm of the place, and he must needs arise and speak a word on its behalf. A rumour has .gained credence of late — and indeed it may have boen flashod to the ends of the earth by the electric wire by this time, for all " Zamiel " knows — that Riverhead does not, and cannot, grow its own cabbages. " A base calumny, sir !" indignantly exclaimed ,a local resident, who button-holed X. as he sat with a friend in Deacon's sunny hotel parlour that Sabbathj discussing the merits ot — well, the Riverhe.id waters. "We do raise our own cabbages ; we've grbwri them' for the last four months. at least, and tnere'ref over half-a-dozen as 'big as my fist blooming in the flower-garden in front yonder,." So, there now 1 ( Rivovhe'a'd doe)3'g'r6w its own cabbages,, and when this goos forth to the world itlsinhabitaAtsHWU

bVeathe freely, arid rio'.more will they 'glare fiercely^' updn eVery stranger '•Who 'trends 'tlioir soil' as 'if ;i he' were 'the '^prime 2 mover W spreading such' a' baso^lifeel/fo^'bhoyfliarac^oi 1 of Riverhead J soil l is'Viriai()atedi' l^,nd'an people th'ab 'on earth do dwell 1 will Ibak'e ifc 'for granted that it 'is^a. Veritable* Garden' of Eden, aland' flowing ''wiblV' milk 1 and honey, arid all luscious fruits oh the earth -riot to mention svtcli commonplace articles as cabbage ! r But there' is another grievance which fcho Rivorh'ead pooplo have, and wjiich they earnestly desire redressed. They' are perpetually being con- ' founded with those "'bloomin' Hobsonville folks ' down the river, with whom they appear to be at loggerheads on various matters. Rumour has it that a poor, unoffending Rivorhead " porker," which hippenerrto stray from its accustomed residence in search of palatable grub into fche Hobsonville territory, fell a victim to the unreasoning antipathy ot the dwellers in that delectable locality to anything belonging or pertaining to the head of the creek. Slashed with billhook?, jabbed With pitch-forks and gumspear?, battered with pick - axes and mangled with tomahawks, it was borne next morning, sleeping its last porcino slumber, to the domains ot the Riverhead people by a stalwart yeoman. dossing the neutral zone, which divides the two districts, he throw down the carcase in viow of the ownei^s and fled, while the melancholy men took it up pndlyr, nnd marched in single file to their palatial residcricos, r.n attendant youtii appropriately playing the while on a tin whistle the " Dead March in Sail " Such cpi^odee form, so it is said, "The Chronicles of Riverhead." Again, the " unco quid " of the Hobsonvillaina look upon their neighbours with u feeling akin to holy horror for their irreligious and unseemly levity in all things, and above all for their heinous action in patronising a horrid~steamboat which runs Sunday excursions up the river from Auckland, and which, sad' to say, just on passing Hobsonville in its. course up and down the river on the' " Sawbath " blows its shrill whistle in a peculiarly wicked manner. So, in order to avoid having to ti-ead the deck of the steamer, and be compelled to listen to the profane language which these bad steam boat men habitually use, they have started mnhing themselves and their goods to town by means of a small cutter, which travels up and down the Waitemata in a most erratic manner, generally managing to stick fast in the' mud for a couple of days between each trip. How the rivalry will end Zamiel does not take upon himself to say, but he has a shrewd idea that the little steamer will prevail in the end, and vanquish the prejudices of the local " Holy , Joes/ • ' The ladies wero a disturbing element at the recent annual meeting of the New Zealand Alliance in Auckland. Allow me to explain and apologi c c. Please remember that St. Patrick's Day came in between that date and this. It arose in this way : A resolution was moved by the head of the local Rluc Ribbonites, and seconded by another equally zealous wearer of the blue, recommending the Council to sack to secure the extension of thn franchise to all women above the age of twenty-one years. The seconder, in a carefully-prepaied speech, gave an epitome of cogent reasons why this should be done. At once it was a 'case of who speaks first. A solemn protest was made by a distinguished cleric, who resides among the kings, supported by a' well - known accountant ; others were equally earnest in support of the resolution. General regret was expressed that the lateness of the hour precluded a full discussion of the question. An esteemed clergyman (lately from Kansas) moved an amendment endorsing' the principle, bub deferring it-s adoption by the Council to future consideration, which was carried. But don't suppose, dear leader, that the Alliance have any objection to the presence and sympathy of the ladies. Oh, dear, no ; it is only a peculiar way they have of expressing it. For instance, all persons are members on subscribing to the principles, and donating nob less than half-a-crown. The Executive invited the members to tea by ticket, and intimated that subscribers of ten shillings were privileged to bring a lady. Of course Mrs Zamiel was there, as her' lord and master could not enjoy his tea without her presence. But she could not help wondering whether the Execxitive valued her eatables at seven-and-feixpeuce. I may tell you, but you -need not tell anybody else, that when she goes to a tea, there is no mistake about it. she just does make a tea. Or it might be that ZamieVs appetite being so sharpened by his darling's company, something extra was necessary. We confess to having enjoyed a first-class tea, and on retiring being confronted with a huge placard, evidently from some bazaar or mission, "Subscriptions invited co meet expenses.'" We placed an amount on the plate that modesty forbids us to mention. Mrs Z. suggests that next year the Alliance take a leaf out of the Blue Ribboners' book — be generous in invitations, and boldly make a collection to defray costs. . *. > * # ■*■ Aucklanders are not at all likely to fall down and worship the coming Governor' of New Zealand because he happens to have a love for the drama and an intelligent appreciation of literature. An intellectual earl may make an impression in other colonial cities but he is pure to fall flat here, whero we have a literary and poetical duke among our old identities. Our noble " dook " as a rule composes in terse English prose, but he lately " dropped into poetry," | and I have been honoured by receiving an i autograph copy of his effusion. The sub- j iect in itself is of interest, quite apart from tho authorship of the poem, so I quote the effusion in full, and as some of my readers may be interested in seeing a sample of ducal spoiling and composition, I will ask bhe printer to reproduce it as faithfully as possible. Here it is, then :— LANAGAN GORGE.