ALLEGED WIT.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 342, 13 February 1889, Page 6

ALLEGED WIT.

' Let us dine together," said the native king to the missionary. ' With great pleasure,' replied the good man; 'but I must be host.' 'I have planned it dillciently,' said the king, with a bleak light in his eyes ; ' you shall be the dinner.' 'Yes,' said the fruit man at the corner, regretfully, ' I'm gettin' old, I can't see as well as I used to. When I sell a pound of grapes to a man that's in a 'uiry, I sometimes gits in a ripo bunch by mistake.' And the poor old man sighed dismally. An Englishman wont to New York and put up a sign 'Established 1504,' and rather prided himself on the antiquity of his establishment. The next day his Ameiican rival acioss the way burlesqued his sign in this -\\ay. 'Established yesterday. "Nu old goods on hand.' Excess of Caution.— Nervous passenger on bankrupt railway : Conductor, why are you running at such a frightful rate of speed? Conductor (reassuringly): There's a rotten bridge, madam, half a mile ahead, and we want to get over it with as little strain as possible. Charming young hostess : Why, Major, you are not going so soon ? .Major (who prideg himself as being one of those fine oldschool fellows who can say a neat thing without knowing it). Soon ? Madam it may seem soon to you ; but itseems to me I have been here a lifetime. An Honest Jeweller. — 'fs everything gone?' she asked. 'Everything but my honour,' he replied. ' Well, it's lucky you took all the diamonds out of your stock and transferred them (o me last week, wasn't it? I'm awfully glad, though, that you didn't do anything dishonest.' A curious postcard was received by a firm in transit some time ago. It was from a customer in the mountains, and read as follows :— ' please send me side of bacon a bbl of flour 1C lbs. of coffe3 and a wheel-, barrow my wife had a baby last week at.d a j monkey wrench crops is middling.' I was getting measured for a suit of clothes this mawning,' said young Mr Sissy to his pretty cousin, ' and just for a joke, y'know, I awsked Snip if it weally took nine tailors to make a man Ho paid it would take take more than nine tailors to to make a man of some people. I thought it was quite clevah, 1 '