SAMPLES OF TORY SCURRILITY. A COLONIAL RETORT COURTEOUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume VI, Issue 311, 27 October 1888, Page 4

SAMPL E S OF T ORY SCURRILITY. A COLONIAL RETORT COURTEOUS.

Wk copy the following from the " PtiU Mall Budget" of August 23rd, 1888, as chowinc: the sweet spirit in which the Unionists approach their opponents in politics : --

SALISB U RY'S LAUREATE. JNir Goschon's eloquence was by no means the only instrumenb of conversion relied upon by the Durham Conservatives in their recent demonstration at Wynyard lark. According tj a correspondentof the "Xorlheustern Gazette," tho poetic muse of the Tory party was invoked on the occasion with a success which must have surprised and poj-sibly delighted Mr Gofechen. Here are samples of the Unionist poems distributed broadcast amon;; Loid Londonderry^ guehtu.

THE U.CUJ. When the Grand Old Man goes to his doom, lie will vide in a fiery chariot. And sit in state On a rccl-hol plate, 'Twixt Satan and J udas Iscariol ! Says the devil, " My place is quite full, as you see, But I'll try and do all that I can. So I'll let Ananias and Jucltu go free. And take in the Grand Old Man !" But the devil soon found the whole thing a sell, For old Gladdy corrupted all people in Hell.

GONE ! GONE ! Gone from the sweets of ofticc. Gone irom the head of affairs ; Gone in the head they tell us— Gone, and nobody caves ! Gone, not to join the angels, Gone to reilect on the past, Gone into oppositionGladstone' s Kont; at last : Gone, let us hope for ever ; Gone, "whither none can tell ; Gone, let us hope, to heaven ; There arc devils enough in Hell ! Says Satan, "The place is as full as can be, Hut I like to make room if T can." So he let Ananias and Judas go free, Ami look in Hie Grand OKI Man. Jf Lord Tennyson should cease to be poet Laureate, Lord Salisbury need now be at no los-b to find his successor.

Aa n suitable reply to the abcne, a local correspondent sends us the following lines, which he trusts will be comforting 1 to nil Londonderry people, and not oflensive to the "dirty lush !"

A SHOT FROM THE ANTIPODES. " Tho' wo dwell apart, we arc one in heart, And avo'll fight for the green old flag. ' V.P. When the Grand Old I\ran departs To regions large and rooms*, Leaving aching Irish hearts Tv a prison gloomy, It to heaven av> ay lie flies To enjoy eternal clay. He will feel no great surprise. There ho 11 iind no (Jastloreagh. If to holl he's bound to go To endure eternal woe, Though tho flames his soul environ Sitting on red-hot gridiron, He will see the worst man there Onushing teeth and tearing hair. Every night and every day, There he'll find oneCasHereagh. Ho's been there now many years, Boiling lead his scalding tears, First, he e'er was known to shed tfor the damned or hallowed dead. Alibis Vane TempeUiious grief Gives him very small relief : T hi& he did, wo know full well, Cut his throat and went to hell. The devil one morning sat scratching his head, When he heard our old friend Billy C4lad-=tone was dead ; He said, ganing round his red-hot hostelry, " I must let Ananias and Judas go free Ho pulled those poor devils forth out of his pot, And said, ''Hook it, be oil" to the Halislmry lot; For a message I've had, which with shame I ro'ate. From men who arc ruling a badly-ruled State. They want some more liars and traitors as well, So I send them at once the worst devils in hell, Barring one who can never from hell get away, For I never can part with mv friend Castlcveugh. Quoth Judas "I will not depart from the place, 1 ne'er will submit to this linal disgrace. Tho' traitoi I have beon, and blood money got, My hands are too clean for the vile Tory lot ; bo here Ananias and I moan to stay, And dwell evermore with our pal Castlereagh."

Then up spake sweotSanphira, "I'm looking for a place. I think I might be useful To the Londonderry race." Says Satan, "'ln this bow'r of bliss sfou everrnoro must stay, Just to exchange the ' Judas kiss ' With ' Bloody Caatlereagh.' '' Tlie dovil then said, " Very woll You are much hotter oft'hero in hell. The news 1 four will startlo very Much the guests of Londonderry, Whom I'm longing to embrace AVhen I have enlarged this place So that they in coinfovc ever may Conaolo ' Carotid Cutting Uastloreagh.' " J. O'MkagheH, Auckland. N.Z., October 22nd, 1888. „

If you don't want, to be robbed oi your good name, don'l have it engraved on your umbrella. She: " What does I\3.D. stand for ?" lie : " Miserable doctor, generally.'* Lady Colin Campbell is now art critic for a London newspaper. Floating debt. 1 -— A mortgaged steamboat.