Page 8 Advertisements Column 5

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 259, 28 April 1888, Page 8

OO TO THE AROHA & OHINEMURI NEWS OFFICE > FOR ALL DKKORTPTIONS OF JOB PRINTING, ' NOTE AND LETTER HEADINGS ENVELOPES BILLHEADS ACCOUNTS WEMOS BALL PROGRAMMES BILLS OF FA HE CONCERT TICKETS BALL TICKETS POSTERS RATE BOOKS RECEIPT BOOKS RATE JIOLIS | CIRCULARS PAMPHLETS, &c, &c TRANSFER FORMS VISITING CARDS HANDBILLS POSTERS LABELS

N OTICK. A LL KINDS OF PLAIN ANI> ORNAMENTAL PRINTING cxc euted with Neatness and Despatch &cthe OFFIuE

A III\T TO THE §TA«£ LOVJEK. With Suggestions, toy tho Way For Love Making in Private Life. I am out of patience with the stage lo\*er. Not that there is anything with the lover himself — oh, no. He is faultless. His full dress suit sits on him as snug as a hen on a nest. His shirt front is immaculate, and isadorned with the conventional singlewhito fctone. His patent white leathers are very nice. His moustache is, the ladies say, " just lovely," his complexion full of colour, his eyes roll beautifully, and his voice thrills all svho hear it with tenderness and resonance. But he makes me very weary ss hen he stands behind the lady whose suitor he is and ilings his adoration and beseechings over her shoulder. As ssveet as he i«> I \sant to get upon the stage and kick him and tell him to face the music like a man, and shoss r the enemy that he is not afraid to look her in the eye. Make love to a girl while looking at her shoulders — gazing at her bustle and the mole on her neck ! It is preposterous. The aim of all art is to simulate nature, and the natural, human, "for sure" lover, as tho children say, doesn't do it that way. At least, I never saw one. One's experience and observation on this score are necessarily somewhat limited, but in the dozen or so of similar instances in real life which it has been my pleasure (or pain) to be somewhat) familiar with I never yet knew of a lover making a rear attack. No, my dear stago wooer, love's stratagems should be confined to ways and means of reaching the enemy's territory, of ambuscading her, as it were, where she must fight or surrender ; bub when you get her there don't shoot from behind cover. Don't fix your rapturous faze upon the mole on the back of her neck, 'ace her like a man whose board bill is paid, and who is not embai'rassed by a consciousness that he is committing bigamy or some other felonious offence. And when you have begun your front attack follow it* up warmly. Don't stand so far away and give expression to so much awe or titnidty. Lovers in real life may be presumptuous and boorish. The stage lover should ab least be bold.—" Chicago Herald."

" My dear," said Mrs Snaggs, " whafc is U. qanard?" "Don't you know what a panard is?" queried Snaggs rather sneeringly. " Why, the word itself conveys ifca own meaning." "Does it. Well, really I can't see it. What does it mean, dear ?" " \Vhy. a canard is something one canardly believe, of course"