Mr Smathers Drives a Tack. And the Crystallization Process Sets in Rapidly.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 253, 25 April 1888, Page 4

Mr Smathers Drives a Tack. And the Crystallization Process Sets in Rapidly.

The happiness ot a Harlem household has recently been destroyed by a most unfoitunatc ocpuricncc, and the white winged do\eof pence has iolded hei wings like a cabinet bestead and \anished. Mr Baldwin Smathers resides in One Hundred and Twenty-fourth street, and the connubial bliss of the Smatheis family has been undisturbed until lastFridayafternoon. 3.1 is Smathers has long been noted among the neighbours for an astonishing talent in making preserves. Indeed, the fame of boa pickled peaches, raspberry jom and canned pears leached at least three blocks each way. Every season she puts up a generous supply of fruits, and to be presented with a jar of Mis Smathers' preseives was a maik of extroaidinary esteem. Last week the canning season was formally concluded with quinces, and the family moved to an apartment house just aiound the block. The sixty-nine jars of pieserves leeched c&peciai care in tianspoitation and >vere received carefully stowed away upon the top shelf of the pantiy. On letuming from bu&incss Mr. Smathers found his wife endeavouring to drhea nail into the wall above the preserve shelf to hang up some herbs. She had placed a stool on a chair, and perched on this combination was struggling with the hammer and nail. Her husband watched the combat in patronising silence and then said : " 1 never saw a woman yefc who could dii\e a nail. (iet down oil' that chair* Martha, and lefc me drive your tacks." Mi> Smathers climbed down, and grasping the hammer, her husband was soon in position on the stool. He accomplished, howe\ or, considerably more than he intended. (Jiving the half driven nail a \iciouK dig to pull it out and begin over again, he loosened a cleat that supported the shelf, and the results were appalling. There was a frightful crash that resounded from cellar to roof, and Mr Smathers, the chaii and the stool disappeared from view. The air was filled with broken glass, flyingpeaches, pears and plums, and canned cherries pattered about on the floor like big led hailstones, On Mrs Smathers' upturned countenance the contents of a jar of strawberries settled! gently down. Two damsons' and a label decorated her back hair, and on every part of her dress that offered any inducement theie nestled jellies and jams, quinces and plums and blackberries in artless confusion. Dazed by the sudden crash she stood for a moment or two mechanically endeavouring' to lomove the strawberry juice from her countenance with a small pocket hanpkerchicf. .iust then theie was a struggle amid the glass and debiis in the corner, still grasping the hammer. He was a most astonishing sight. Tiiei'e was enough broken glass on his person to have horrified the boldest cat on the Smathers back fence. His moustache ■\\ as strewn with pineapple marmalade and a stream of led juice and another of white united on his back and fell in a syrupy cas cade from his coat tails. A quince did duty for a scarf pin, and the Smathers hair Mas occupied by two biandied peaches and a pint of juice, which gave him an antiprohibition odour for three days. "You horrible, horrible brute," said Mrs Smathers, choking her anger, as she extracted two more strawberries from her hair. " Just bee what you have done," she added hysterically. Her husband seemed somewhat in doufjt just what to do in his tutti frutti conditif jn. ''I would rather not discuss this master just now, Martha," he said timidly, afj he removed some apple jelly from his left eye with his coat sleeve. "The back fjf my head is crystallizing, and unless I ana wiped off soon I shall be a maroon glac© in ten minutes." New York Tribune.

Potato Suttons Skkdlivg.— 'This is a potato which, quite recently introduced, has won golden opinions, amongst English gardeners. A gentleman who actecl as judge at several good garden produce shows says he has never yet seen a. good dish of this variety beaten. It is not only, he gays, handsome itv appearance, but ' a heavy cropper, and tl\s tubers are of excellent table quality. One gentleman's gardener from 51bs o{ seed, cut up into sets and planted at once, obtained exactly 100 lbs. of sound produce, and this im a season not altogether favourable, owing to drought.