A Patent Contribution-Box.
Like a phantom of the paa^ he-glided silently into the sanctum,- ■ and settled down on a chair opposite to us, and smiled twice. One of his eyes looked dire ctly back to the fall of the Roman Republic, and the other peered>stieadily forward to the time when the. -just man shall be made perfect, which Is a long, way "off. 1 1 have got something,' he ca;d> after he had allowed us to admire htrr^about three minutes, ( which will i either revolutionize Christianity as create a panic in church.' ' What do you refer to ?' 'An invention of mine,,, sir. A contribution-box that none will be able to escape in a satisfactory > manner. The box has a handle to it that closes up and slides down like a telescope. Underneath the box is fixed an electric bell, which is connected with a small battery concealed in the end of the handle. All that yon bays.to do is to touch a spring, and you <lurn< on the bell. The purpose of the invention is to prevent old sinners from dodging the duty they owe their church. Have you ever seen bald-headed church members with red speckled noses crouch, up in the far corner of the pew, and snore like fury, and pretend to be asleep when the deacon came around to take up the collection ? c Yes.' 1 Well, their day has passed/ Why my new contributioivbox,. the cis&coa walks in the aisle, and when he catches one of the old duffers trying to beat the missionary fund, he quietly slides the box under the ear of one of the slumber* er?, and sends in a:> alarm that gallops through him like a rip-saw. I have seen that box bring folks face to /ace with their duty so quick that it broke their suspenders, It was testad on a methodist congregation last Sunday, and the new receipts were fifty per cent more than they had been for a period of seven years* The minister, of the church immediately invested in four of the boxes, and the board of* stewards presented me with a written testimonial oS their regard. I have received letters from very near every preacher in tloe country, making anxious inquiiy concerning my invention. My contribution-box is either going to cast a beautiful halo about religion, or else cause infidelity to flourish like a cockle-burr patch. It is going to pluck the tares from the wheat. In other words it will be the means of compelling those who have been furnished with leiigion on credit to pay up or get out. It's going to feed the missionary, socthe the orphan and put a broadcloath suit and a slick top hat on the country preacher whoright now is riding a long eared mule on a forty-mile circuit, and building up an appetite for chicken. After all this talk, I will say, sir,, that my object in visiting you was to call your attention to the novelty of my invention, with the hope that it might merit a notice at your hands.' And with a gracious smile and awkward bow he departed. Hence this article.
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https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/TAN18871126.2.68
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Te Aroha News, 26 November 1887, Page 8
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526A Patent Contribution-Box. Te Aroha News, 26 November 1887, Page 8
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