HUMOROUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 215, 13 August 1887, Page 3

HUMOROUS.

A jjiu spread— The sky. Musical piracy.— Stealing a march. Internal improvement— Artificial teeth. A stirring ad\enture— Making a pudding Only a question of time— Asking the hour. Neither fish, flesh nor fowl. — Vegetables, of course. Be content with your lob, especially if it's a lot of money. A woul to the wise is always sufficients no doubt, but the trouble is that so few are; wise. ' ' Alcohol will clean silver. " Yes alcohol", well stuck to, will clean out all the silver you have. " Laura," said Mrs Parvenue, on the hotel piazza, to her daughter, "Laura, go and ask the leader of them orchestras t« pl.iy that ' .sympathy from Meddlejohn v over again : it s such an awful favourite of mine and your father's too !" Czarina (coining in to breakfast) : "Good motning, my deaivitch." Czar: Good morningocofl." Czniina : "Allow mo \<j congratulate you upon escaping assassination dining the night.." Czar: "Thankski. Will" you please taste the coilee to see if it is poisoned ?" A number of ladies on a steamboat on the Thames More honified on having an or-dinaiy-looking man among tne passengers pointed out to them "as one who had buried seventeen wives." He was a gravedigger, but that didn't occur to the horrified ladio j . Canine Sagacity. — "Can dogs find their way home from a distance ?" is a question frequently a^ked. It's according to the dog. If it's one you want to get rid of he can find his way back fiom Afuca. If it's a j^ood one he's apt to get lost if he goes round the corner. Kathleen v as crossing a ferry in company with a wealthy lady and gentleman, and said: "Jhulint, I have had a drame. I dicamt that madam gave me a pound of t,iy and your honour a pound of baccy. Oh, but Kathleen's drames go by contraries since then. It was your honour that gave,, the tay and tho leddy the baccy." At a ball recently a young medical f-tudient suddenly came face to face with a dear, kind, fathei ly looking gentleman, with white hair and of a highly respectable appearance. They both .stood tiansfixed. The same idea Hashed across botli of them. " Your face is familiar to me — very familiar — but can't lemember where we have mefc so often." However, the friendly impulse was can icd out. They shook hands warmly, partook of a friendly glass, and depai ted, still ignorant of each other's name and occupation. .But the young man was determined to '-solve the problem, and heseized on the waiter and said to him, " Tell me, waiter, who was that distinguished stranger with tho long white hair ?" And tlu wairor whispered slowly, " Please, sir, that s the pawnbioker."