THE OLD MAID.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 212, 23 July 1887, Page 6

THE OLD MAID.

fmentem,- Twenty-eight, ilfry Qti<oe» t Getting Jate; &ich and rare, Rather vexed, Goldstt liuk'l Unannexed 1 Wilful ittftidy Years ad%-anco, Yeai?& n-pbra-id.' Loat her chanco Twenty-orte; Thirty-six, Will 1 haVo-nono !' Cross as atickal

" lii'the fj^sfc^laoe— iHto latest baby.

i WhenJ is a> km* like' m&ijmour ? —When ifc \gtita frtmv mouth 1 tfo'moutSi^

A* yowng sparft,* mffevhsg from far too s&nong sensation o£ tihe more tender feelinas, defines his can plain 6m an attack of lassitude.

Maxim, by aSick Bachelor fffring at the unfair &ex). — Want of sympathy i» a woman is almost as bad as a VB&tftkii' iJtewnty !

Landlady. — '"Hie c*ffce, liana sorry to ■ay, id exhausted, Mr StHitbu"" Boarder: "Ah, yes, poor thing,, I wasf expecting that. I've noticed' for so-ift© 1 t&me that ifc hasn't been strong,"

Teetotali3m forbids a wm«r»to< tfourcli anything that can intoxicate' — exx-epfc 7s. prettygirl's lipa. You maytasbfc I/Wat'" article after signing bhe pledge if youi'ffi oral^r doib discreetly ana wisely.

Here lies tho man Richard, with'i&Ri*y his wife, Their surname was Frltsch&rd, tm& they lived without strife ; The reason was plain-— they^looiiwctesl in riches, They had no care nor paiityand i'-We wife wore the breeches.

The girl who never se-reawm- when she sees a snake isn't a safe-- givV to many. With her calm, cool, collected, unexcitable disposition she would hit' where* 1 she aimed with the rolling pin everyitime.

Wife -I don't see how you crjn say thafc Mr Wliiteclioker has an efFemiEote way of talking-. He has a very loiid voico.-- Husband—l mean by an cffemi.na'sfe way of talking, my dear, that ho talks riil the time.

"I wonder," said a. young 1 l?jdy, "why Hymen is always represented a» -carrying a torch." To which an old '• bac^alor sneeringly responded -" T6 indicate that he always makes it warmi for people who marry. "

"What is a good tesbrof a.diamond ?" asked a correspondent. Aboiw^ as good a test as any is to ask the jewellearyou buy ib of what he Avill take it. back for. If he offers half as much as it oost^ittri apt to be a genuine stone.

Teacher.— " Now, dear children, as you have been good to-day, I'll gxye you a conundrum to answer. It is fcKis : When wo are young 1 we >vanfc to have ity and when we have gofc it we no longer caie for it." — Tommy — "I know what? Ib Jin!" Teacher —"What is it, Tommy?" Tammy— " It is a wife." Teacher—" Who calft you that was the answer ?" Tommy—" I heard father say bo."