Alleged Wit.

Te Aroha News, Volume V, Issue 212, 23 July 1887, Page 4

Alleged Wit.

A gushing poefc asks in the first line of a recent effusion, "How many weary pilgrims lie?" We give it up, but experience has taught us there are a good many. A lady who was troubled with sea-sick-ness exclaimed :— " I don't see what these horrid troughs of the sea are made for." " For the horse marines to feed out of, madam," said a fellow passenger. " Can you tell me, BiUy, how it is that the chanticleer always keeps his feathers so sleek and smooth ?" "No." " Well, I'll tell you. He always carries his comb with him." A critic, in noticing a discourse on " The Sayings and Doings of Great Men," remarks, "It is sad to observe how much they said and how little they did." Irishman (relating his exploits): "I walked up boiildly to wan o' the inemy and cut off his legs wid me sword." Listener: " Why didn't you cut off his head '>" Irishman : "That was already off." I Graves : Did you ever notice that even the worst of men' is spoken well of by people when he dies ? — Merriman : Yes, I've noticed it ; but why do you ask me that ?— Graves : Oh, I merely remarked it.—Merriman : Is that all ? I thought perhaps you were not feeling well. Mind your stops.— Parasol : A protection against the sun, used by ladies made of colton and whalebone.— Straps : An article worn under the boote of gentlemen made of calf-skin.— Kites : Light frames, covered with paper, sent into the air by boys with tails on them. "What is the origin of motion ?" asked I a celebrated lecturer. Well, there are many origins. A call to dinner will bring men to their feet in a second, and a spider down a girl's neck is the origin of some of the loveliest motions the world ever saw. Things One Would Rather Have Left Unsaid.— Sick Husband: "Did the doctor say that I was to take-all that medicine ?" Wife: "Yes, dear." Sick Husband: " Why, there is enough in that bottle to kill a mule." Wife (anxiously) : "Then you bad better be very careful, John."