Some Things One Would Rather Have left Unsaid.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 206, 4 June 1887, Page 6

Some Things One Would Rather Have left Unsaid.

The " I will'" in the marriage service.. , Will you marry me ? Lady (to friend calling): "You won'fc, mind me going on with my work whilst you ' are here, then I shan't feel that I am wasting time.." ' A church warden was courteously thanking a Chußch dignitary for kindly taking, ,on emergency, a village service. ' ' A worse preacher would have done us, sir," he said, " if we only knew where to find him." At a soiree. Tho Colonel : " Will you\ sing again, Miss Johnson ?" Miss Johnson : '•No, for the, third time ; do you think indecision is one of my failings?" The Colonel (gallantly) : " Indeed, Miss Johnson, I should have been greatly disappointed if you had said ' yes.' " Eminent tragedian (to new acquaintance) : " May 1 send your daughter a box for the first night of my revival, Mr Brown ? But perhaps you'vo seen it, and would not care yourself to—" Mr Brown: "Oh, don't mention it, pray — so good of you. I can put up with anything to give my daughter pleasure. " Tom : "I say, Dick, old man, with so much idle time on your hands, why don'fo you go in for the hundred guineas word competition prize? Any fool with leisure and a Nuttall can do it. Just the thing for you." Dramatic author (to a friendly critic) : " Oh, Jones, I wish you would let me read this scene to you, because if it is clear to you I I think everybody will understand it." Scene : A fancy dress ball. Evangeline (to Lady Dash) : " Oh, how do you do, Lady Dash ? You look so nice I hardly recognised you." Hostess (log.): "Mr Green, though I never had tho pleasure of hearing you sing,, I am told you would favour us with ' 0 Ruddier than the Cherry ! 0, .Sweeter than the Berry !' Pray do ; Iso love to hear a good baritone roll out those delicious R's." He : " Weadilv !" (and he docs, singing ifc thus : "0. W'uddia than the Che-wy ! 0, Swcetaw than the Be-wy !" Old lady, friend of family, congratulating daughter of the house on her engagement : " I'm very much interested about it, dear. You see, I've known you all your life ; I remember the day you were born. It's a very long time ago !" Member of a city firm (to whom a testimonial has been presented by the staff on retiring from business) to manager : "I am much obliged to you all for your very handsome present, which I highly appreciate." Manager : " Pray don't mention it, sir. We arc much obliged to you for the opportunity of making it. '' After a sumptuous repast. American host (fishing for a little pi-ai&e) : "I am afraid you've not had much of a dinner, sir ; but it's all owin' to the kitchen fixin's." English guest : " Pray don't mention it, my dear sir. As you know, I'm used to roughing it a bit." Professor of many " ologies " : "There are so many literary impostors about who disseminate spurious theories-" Enthusiastic listener (interrupting) : "Ah, yes ; you must be an undoubted authority." Scene : An afternoon dance. Vav. : " I'm afraid I must be going. I have to dine somewhere at .seven." Hostess i ' ' Well, you will have to be quick. " Vav. : " Yes, I havn't any moie time to imste." A gentleman having been recently introduced to two sisters, the husband of one of whom had recently died, and the husband of the other had gone to India, was calking to tho former, when she remarked that ifc was very hot. He, mistaking her for her sister, said, " It is ; but its nothing like the place your husband has gone to !" "I have asked to dine with me. Will you come ? He's a pei feet fool -, but I'm sure you'll get on with him." A gentleman deeply enamoured of a young lady was walking with her, when a sudden shivering attacked her. Thegentleman anxiously inquired was she ill. " No," she replied; " it'b somebody walking over my grave." "Ah!" said the gentleman lovingly, " Would to Heaven I was that happy creature !"