"How to be Happy, Though Married."

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 192, 19 February 1887, Page 4

"How to be Happy, Though Married."

(Ey a "Graduate in the University of Matrimony.")

Married or Single. L;t mothers teach their daughters that although a well-assorted marriage based upon mutual love and esteem may be the happiest calling for a woman, yet that marriage b ings its pecular trials as well as special joye ; and that it ia quite possible for a woman to be both useful and happy, although youth be fled, and the crowning joya of life — wife and motherhood — have passed her by or been voluntarily surrendered Uut the fact; that celibacy has many consolations need not prevent the conclusion that as a rule married life is to be preferred. " Jeanie," said an old Cameronian to his daughter, who was asking his permission to marry — " It's a very solemn thing to get married." '"I ken that, father," said the sensible lassie, "but it's a great deal solemner to bo single."

Real Happiness. The husband and wife who never try to 8e r ye God will not be likely to serve each other or to gain much real happiness from their marriage. The following is related in the memoirs of Mary Somerville. When a girl, she and hot brother had coaxed their timid mother to accompany them for a pail. The day was Bii nny, but a stiff breeze was blowing, and presently fhe boat began to toss and roll. " Gteorge," Mrs Fairfax called to the man in charge, " this is an awful storm ! I fear we are in great danger ; mind how you steer : remember I trust in you !" He replied, " Dinna trust in me, leddy ; trust in God Almighty." In terror the lady exclaimed, "Dear me, ia it come to that?" To that it ought to come on the day of marri'ige quite ac much as on the day of death. It is not only in times of danger and distress that we want God's presence, but in the time of our wellbeing, when ill merry as a marriage bell. Live away from Him, and the happinese you enjoy today may become your misery to morrow.

The Honeymoon. In reference to tho honeymoon, a3 to other matters, peoples opinions differ according to their temperaments and circumstances. So we shall quote two nearly opposite opinione, and abb. our readeis to decide for themselves. In the "Memoir of Daniel Macmillan " his opinion is thus ttated :— Cl That going out for the honeymoon is a most wise and useful invention ; it enables you to be co constantly together, and to obtain a deeper knowledge of each other ; and it also helps one to see and feol the preciousnesa of such intimacy as nothing else could. Intercourse in the p f e?ence of others nover leads bnlow the Hurtace, und it if in the very depth" of our being that true calm, doep and true peace and love lie. Nothing so well prepares for the serious duties of after lito." '•As to long honoyrnoonp," says tho Bishop of Rochester, " most sensible people have come uttetly to disbelieve in them. Thoy are a forced homage to utterly false idea* ; they are a waste of money at a moment when overy bhilling is wanted for much more pressing objects; they are a lopy of time, which soon comes to be dreary and weary. Most of all, they are a risk for love, which ought not co soou tp be so unpleasantly te°ted by the inevitable petulances of a secret ennui Six days by all means, and then, oh ! happy friends, go straight home. . . . Whenever you come back, six weeks hence or one, you will have just as much to stand the fire of a. little hard staring which won't hurt you, and of bright pleasantness which netd not vex you ; and the sooner you a»*e at hope the sooner you will fiod out what married happiness means."

Wordsworth and Do Qulacey. A friend was talking to Wordsworth of Da Quincey'e articles about him. Wordsworth begged him to atop ; he hadn't read them, and did notwiah to ruffle him«elf about them. " Well, 1 " said the friend, '• I'll tell you only one thing he says, and then we'U talk of other things. He Bays your wife is too good for you." The old poet's dim eyes lighted up, and he started from his chair, crying with enthusiasm, " And that's true ! There he's right !" his contempt and disgust vi&ibly moderating. Many a man whose faith in womankind was weak before marriage can a few years afterwards sympathise most fully with this pathetic confession of the old poet.

••In" or "With." Better to have a fortune in your wife than. with her. "My wife Jbss made my fortune," said a gentleman of great possesions, "by her thrift, prudence, and cheerfulness, when I was juet beginning." "And mine has lost my fortune," Bays another gentleman, bitterly, "by useless extravagance, and repining when I was doing well." The girl who brings to her husband a large dowry may also bring habits of luxury learned in a rich home, She may be almost as incapable of understanding straitened circumstances as was the lady of the Court of Louis XVI., who, on hearing of people starving, exclaimed, " Poor creatures ! No bread to eat ! Then let them eat cakes !"

A Good Wife. Milton tells us that a good wife is " heaven's last, beßt gift to man ;" but what constitutes a good wife? Purity of

thought and feeling, a generous, cheerful tejnper, a disposition ready to forgive, patience, a high sense of duty, a cultivated mind, and a natural grace of manner. She rhbuld be able to govern her household with gentle resolution, and to take an intelligent fnterestin herhusband'spur&uits. She should have a clear understanding, and "all the firmness that does not exclude delicacy, " and " all the softness that does not imply weakness." " Her beauty, like the roue ift resembleth, shall retain its sweetness when 1 its bloom is withered. Her hand seeketh employment; her foot delighteth not in gadding about. She is clothed with neat* ness; she is fed with temperanoe. On her tongue dwelleth music ; the swaetnesa of honey floweth from her lips. Her eye speaketh softness and love ; but discretion, with a sceptre* sitteth on her brow. She pre3ideth in the house, and there ia peace } she commandeth with judgment, and is obeyed. She ariseth in the morning, she considers her affairs, and appointed to every one their proper business. The prudence of her management ia an honour to her husband ; and he heareth her praise with a secret delight. Happy is the man. that hath made her his wife ; happy is the child that calleth her mother." The married man must have been blessed with a cage-making wife like this who defined woman as •• An essay on goodness and grace, in one volume, elegantly bound.'* Although it may eeem a little expensive* every man should have a copy.

Large and Small Families. What constitutes a large family ? Upon this point there is much difference of opinion. A poor woman was complaining one day that she did not receive her proper share of charitable doles. Her neighbour, Mrs Hawke, in the next Court, came in for everything, and " got more than ever she was entitled to ; for Mrs Hawke had no family— not to speak of ; only nine." " Only nine ! How many, then, have you?" was the natural rejoinder. "Fourteen living, " she replied. But even fourteen ts not such a very large number when one is u?od to it. Some one is said to have begun a story of some trifling adventure which had befallen him with the words, "As I was crossing Oxford street the other day with fourteen of my daughters "—laughter followed, and the narrator never got beyond thoee. introductory words. I do not believe this anecdote ; but, if it were true, was there not something heroic in the contented, matter-of-fact way in which the man spoke of his belongings ? Fourteen of my daughters !" An unsympathiaing spectator might have said that anyone with such a following ought tv have been creasing, not Oxford Street, but the Atlantic.