Humorous.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 189, 29 January 1887, Page 2

Humorous.

The only order we obey punctually is a money order. A good " mount" with plenty of reserve .power — Mount Vesuvius. Unprecedented Trade Announcement.-— The pig market was quiet. The Feast of Imagination. Having no dinner, but, reading a cookery- book. If seven daya make one week, how many days will make one strong ? Those who toil and spin.—Bicycleriders. The way for people to win golden opinions is to have plenty of brass. Great point of resemblance between farmers and their poultry.— Both delight in fuil crops. A correspondent asks : "Is it wrong ta cheat a lawyer V First cheat the lawyer and then we will ask the conundrum. Pen, ink, paper, and brains are the only things requisite to • literary success j and almost anybody can get the pen, ink, and paper. "Those dear eyes of thine," as the old gentleman said when he brought his Wife another pair of fifty shilling spectacles. *' Your horse has a tremendous long bit, 1 * said a friend to a noted wag. "Yes," he responded, " it is a bit too long." A French photographer was so absorbed the other day in his great work of taking the likeness of the Arc de Triomphe that he uttered the ueual phrase, "Now, do not stir ; one, two, three." A Lesson in Germau. — Young Simpson (anxious to have the thing straight): Mr Schneider, should one say "ane beer" " or " me beer ?"— Schneider : You must say " anei peer." Come, I take one mit you. Magistrate (to inebriate): "You drink whisky as it it was water." Inebriate : " Alas, you have too good an opinion of me. I'm so out of practice at drinking water that it would be a long time before I can swig it down as if it were whisky." Women can stand tight shoes, tight gloves and tight waists, bufc they very properly draw the line at tight husbands. A Favour Confessed. -The following, which we find in a contemporary, may be applied with equal truth to a certain city 11 which shall be nameless betwixt us " :—: — " Lost, Stolen, or Strayed, since January last, the Board of Health, supposed to have strayed from their paths of duty through ignorance of the magnitude of their responsibilities. Any person finding the same and taking them to the Town Hall will confer a great favour on their humble and I neglected servant, , Sanitary Inspector." , t To a fond mother, whose children were ad the time making themselves disagreeable, a gentleman observed— •" I have a decided preference for bad children, madam." Hovr strange—and, pray, for what reason ?" said she. "Because they are always sent out of the room. " Mrs Nouveau (at an art ' school) : " And is that large picture aome of your work ¥' Pupil : " Mine? Oh, no, madam 1 That ia one of the old masters." Mia Nouveau, in an undertone to her companion : "I don'fc like to hear a- young man speak so disrespectfully of kis teachers." " Eugenia, didn't I tell you an hour ago to send that young man of yours hornet* "Yes, papa, dear. "But he went out just now—l heard him " "Yes, papa, dear ; but he went the first time, and then he found he'd taken your umbrella by mistake, and bo he came to bring it back, Deaf George is bo conscientious."