Small Sinners.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 173, 9 October 1886, Page 4

Small Sinners.

Oh, my brethren, you and my suitern (which is good Saxon aa it is Dutch), how much misery do ye make for one another in life by doing things without thinking— things which aeem unto ye to belittle, footy, petty falderals, but which is almost no time, "quick as the passage ol good to evil," flash up from toada to big devils of annoyance to others. Such are, for instance : 1 The donkeys who stand in the doorways, or who form groups in the middle of the aide- walk, and are indignant when they are jostled. 2.- The people who carry umbrellas and canes Bo_ as to pierce and wound the uriwary; in which thing women, as they advance in life, are the chief of sinners, so that I have seen it proposed, that none of them be allowed to carry any object which can be run into people's eyes. Think I am joking, do you? Well, since I wrote that last word I read, Oct. 1, 1885, that the good burghers of Berne, in Switzerland, have passed a law punishing people who carry caneß or umbrellas protruding under their drms, or sticking them out so as to be a nuisance or annoyance. And so sure aa I see the mighty waves of the stormy ocean at this minute leaping up like lions on yonder beach, and hear them roar, even so certain is it that there ought to be bona fide laws, punishing, pecunia vel carcere, every one of, the forty thieves of our patience described in the forty clauses of the Litany of small sinners. 3. They who carry wet umbrella? through omnibuses, giving every dress a wipe therewith, and then sit them down with the same dripping article pressed against the next man's trousers inßtead of the'r own. 4. They who blunder into a seat in the theatre, or omnibus, or elsewhere, so as to tread on all toes without regret or apology. 5. They who in hotels tramp about the rooms in their boots by the half-hour or converse aloud, without thinking or carmg whom they keep awake. 6. They who smoke in the bedrooms in hotels, especially where there are doors communicating with the next room. 7. They, the women, who, having a writing room reserved unto themselves where men are forbidden to enter, crowd into the men's room, occupy their places, and all to talk at the tops of their voices, or mash. <? 8. They who play the piano in public rooms, preventing all conversation or reading. Truly I have seen this done all the evening and every evening, and that right cruelly. 9. They who encourage feeble-minded women to play in this wise, pretending to be enraptured. 10. They who feel and pinch every pear or peach in a dish until they get the very best. Which many do. 11. They who criticise foreigners in mixed company without reflecting that they may be present and understand them. 12. All people of all ranks, sexes, societies, or ages, who try to " get a rise " out of anybody, or to excite the earnest feelings of others in any way for amusement. A thing to be particularly considered by many club men, and especially by military oificers, 13. All people who instinctively argue on the opposite side. 14. Critics who overdo criticiem. Now, verily, it is not a crime to write a poor novel or advance a novelty, but the punishment which is meted out, especially to young writers, for these sins in most cases far surpasses as to Bufferings that which the Magistrate inflicts for serious, and sometimes terrible, outrages, viz., ten ehillings ; which if it would incline them to mercy, would be a salutary reflection for some of the vitriol slingers of the •' Saturday Be View," the * ATinenreutO! and especially of the "New York Nation." But I fear me that it would only be a pleasure to them to realise that they had the power to pain anybody. With these we may claag, 15. All who have foul breath, who eat , garlic or drink rum, and then, talk to their betters. IG. Conservatives or Radicals, Protectionists, or Free-traders, pious people or infidels, who ride you down rough-shod on all occasions, Bans merci. 17. People who always talk shop, and thope who will never talk shop. IS. Those who, knowing more than you do on anything, lay in wait, draw you out on it, and take you in. This kind of cleverness, as Tame shows, is greatly admired in good society in England, and the Americans are beginning to acquhe it, albeit the multitude with them generally punish it co promptly with a fierce retort that it makes but little headway with them. 19. People who call on you to make a speech in the fond hope that you wi'l be tpken aback and make a fool of yourself. 20. People who turn private dinners into purgatories of elocution, 21. All who inpist on opening or shutting windows to suit their own special comfort, 22. People who keep dogs which howl all night long, or fowl?, or anything which disturbs their neighbours. 23. People who allow children to rampage about in hotels and lodging-houses from 5 a.m. , or sunrise, unto the going dowa of the same. 25. Men who begin to sing, hum, or whiefcle^when they draw near you. 25. Tradesmen who send sealed circulars to look like letters to your address. Truly there lies before me a heavy one which has followed me about for six weeks over Normandy, and which now comes to me in three large envelopes which have cost me money Now the fellow who sent it would hive had my custom had he not done this. Go thou and do likewise. 26. Men, and eepgcially young ones, who can talk nothing but cigarettes, dinners, dogs, billiards, barmaids, canes, clothes, and smut. W ho?e name is Legion. 27. Men who will converse, or monologue OQ wine, cookery, and comestibles, by the hour, day, or year. "Pedants of the ; kitchen." prigs of provender and provisions, who talk thus because it sounds like •' high life" and money. Apropos of this weikneps, I was once bewildered by a wonderfully clever man, a French captain of a Mediterranean steamboat, who had previously manifested much good sense, "but who on a certain day began to talk oranges with the purser, and this conversation they maintained for more than an hour. All the genera, and species, and flavours of all the orangea in the world were discussed, including the relative merits of unheard of and moat unnatural kinds in Surinam, Hong Kong, Central Asia, and Africa j until it dawned on me that it was all a stupendous joke, and that the clever couple were only parodying those people wiio propose away by the folio about victuals, and were trying to see who could spin the longest yarn. Long and loud was laughter that waked me from my dream. 28. People who expect everybody to be extremely entertaining and agreeable to them, but who are themselves agreeable to nobody. Highly critical bores. 29. Women who think that, the acme of the art of conversation and of tact isjj attained when they can get a man to talking on his hobby. Make a note on't. It is a gnod joke, however, to Bee them trying to do, it.

30. Men who say that women are all alike, and women <wh«» ory, "You men are all alike., .^Bpth belonging to the species of men and women who are really all alike. 31. people who make fun of poverty, ignorance, : humble birth, or anything i» which they feel or think they have a .superiority. Which is not far to seek anywhere. Look In your glass I ' I see it far too often in mine. 32. People who can never cease talking to telegraph or restaurant or phone girls especially- when you are in a hurry. Ditto the earns girls who talk to men about nothing when they ought to attend to others waiting. Of which offences almost every office or restaurant in London, or elsewhere, furnishes a loathsome example | about once in every ten minutes. 33. Railway companies who sell tickets at different prices to people, and then put them all into the same carriages. 34. 'Americans, or anybody else, who give servants at hotels quadruple fees or tips, and grudge a cabman sixpence above his fare. 35. People who buy or read the blackmail, blackguardly, gossiping weeklies or dailies, and then screech that the fellows who print such infernal doosid stuff ought to be trounced. Truly, my man, it is not the scavenger who deserves it so much as yoH who employ him to collect garbage And when you-r turn comes remember that you have well merited it. 36. Tradesmen who ask you scornfully " What next?" as if you had bought nofching worth disturbing them for. 37. Barbers who bore you to buy their patent regenerator, and comment on your baldness while clipping you. 38 Shopmen who become insulting because they have not got what you want, or because you will give them their prices 39. People who write illegibly. 40. People who question servants and pump children.— From " Snooping " bv C G. Leland. X y