A COLOURED PHILOSOPHER. Chunks of Wisdom From Brother Gardner.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 160, 28 August 1886, Page 5

A COLOURED PHILOSOPHER. Chunks of Wisdom From Brother Gardner.

Just previous to the opening of the meeting Elder Juneberry Davis and Judge Holdback Johnßtone got into a dispute as to whether the crowbar belonged to the glacial epoch or the drift; period, and after some hot words had passed the elder punched the judge on the nose and received a crack on the jaw in return. Brother Gardner came in as they were pulled apart, but he seemed to take no notice of the affair, and nothing was said until tho meeting opened. Then he looked around the hall and observed : " If Elder Juneberry Davis an' Judge "Holdback Johnson am in do ball to-night I phould like to spoke a few remarks, to 'em " Both gentlemen walked forward to the platform with anxiety depicted on their faces, and the president continued : • " Elder D»ivia, when did dat glacial epoch take place ?" ** I dunno, sir." ''Judge Holdback, what do you know 'bout de drift period ?" "I reckon dar was a good deal o' driftin' aroun', eah." •"Yes, I s'pose dar was. Didn't happen to driffc any 'tutors an' meat your way, did it ?" " No, Pah." " Elder, did dat glacial epoch pay up any of your back rent or get new shoes fur do chillen?" " No, sah." " Dats 'nuff ; you kin boaf sot; down. While I blame two old members like you for pottin' a bad example befo' de club, I must at do same time acknowledge dafc it am only de weakness of human natur 1 . Moas'^of us would sooner fight over de atge of do world dan to resent a straight insult. We would argy longer to convince a men about de size of Noah's aik dan to convict him to our rehgun of de present day. We lot our chil'en go bar'fut while we hunt fur evidenro to convict tho Gauls for shiflespnesa. We spend hours apeertin' an' denyin' de moon aminhabited, vhilefifteen minutes u^sdtofix de bottom hincje on clef rontgaifc am looked upon as time frown away. While we pot an wonder why Sodom an' Gomorrah didn't behave 'eirselves an' escape destruckfhun, de ole woman scrapes de bottom of de flour bar'l an' de fiah goes out in de kitchen stove. Ji?t what oige de crowbar belongs to, or who invented it, or why it was invented, am queshuns which needn't trouble any member of dis club. De fack dat de arowbar am heah wid us should satisfy all. Let us now purceed to attack de business which has called us togethor." Waydown Beebe then offered the following preamble and resolution :—: — Wbermas'. Medicil science hnsdennnstrated de fack dat do habit ot drinkm' ioc wjfc«r has a rendeucy to hrin^ O ti hoarc discas •, himbatjo, liver complaint, insomnia and Mr Briglii'a dis ees", now darfove. Resolved. Dat die Lime Kiln Club not only abvraiua from ice water doorm' ric coniir.' euinmi r, but it a-lvisea do cull'd people of dis kentry co do de same thing. Professor Ambidexter Smith, Givaadam Jones, Samuel Sibin, and Sir John Skinner opposed the resolution, while Elder Toots, Whalebone Howker, Ca3sar Johnson and others favoured it, and upon a vote being taken a tie was the result. Brother Gardner said ho did not care to take the responsibility of a decision on his shoulders, and he submitted to a series of exporimonts from May to October to determine the matter. The suggestion was accepted and the resolution withdrawn.