How Ward Would Advertise a Great Actress.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 160, 28 August 1886, Page 5

How Ward Would Advertise a Great Actress.

Abtemtts Ward, and Frank Drew, who were old friends, met one day in the Continental Hotel> Philadelphia, while the former was exhibiting his Mormon-Panorama. During their' cohve r rstfti6n''ltie late H,' r B. Bateman, theatrical manager, and father of Mies Kate Bateman j and at that time a famous actress, entered and accosted Drew, who introduced the gentleman, •* Mr Bateman, Mrßrowne," without mentioning the fact, unknown to the former, that Browne was the famous Artemus Ward. It is proper to Bay here that Bateman was possessed of but one idea, the genius and a uperiority of his daughter Kate, which he never failed to enlarge upon on all occaeioos. " I beg pardon," said Ward, " did I hear the name aright -Bateman ?" "Yes,", said Drew, " Mr H. L. Bateman, theatrical manager, known in Europe and America." " Are you, indeed, the Mr Bateman, father of the incomparable Mies Kate Bateman ?" '* Yes," replied Bateman, swelling with fatherly pride, "lam proud to say she is my daughter." "Then allow me to take your hand again," exclaimed Ward with enthusiasm. "1 kneel before the genius of that remarkable girl, and I am proud to grasp the hand of her father. But why do you not brmp her to Philadelphia ?'.' "My dear air," cried Bateman, who had covered all the dead walls of the Quaker City with her name, "have you not seen? Have you not read? Kate opena at the Arch-street Theatre Moilday night." " Opens Monday night !" exclaimed Ward in amazement, "and this Saturday. Why — why, Mr Bateman, have you not let the public know it ?" ■ This in a tone of sorrowful reproach. " Why not let the public know it ? Good heavens ! man '? "I understand of course," inteirupted Ward, "the shirking modesty of a father, but that is no excuse for negligence that must seriously interfere with your daughter's success." " My dear sir " "Now, , were I her father," continued Ward — "which, of course, I could not have been, nor could I have transmitted to her the genius and commanding talents that you laave done bowing low) were I her father I would have ca*>t all diffidonce afeide. I would have announced her coming on three-sheet posters — " " Four-sheet posters everywhere in Phil "I would have ha<ll' Kate Bateman in great big letters," Ward went on, indicating with his hands the height that the letters ought to have had, " and if I couldn't find letters big enough in the job offices, I would have had some made especially." "So I did ! bo I did !" cried Bateman, " The letters are—" Ward seemed to hear nothing, but went on with growing enthusiasm — " Then 1 would have a great quantity of little dodgers printed to throw around everywhere — 'Kate Bateman, the 1 greatest living dramatic genius, is comint; !' or something like that. I would put out ten thousand at least," "Great Casear ! Sir, two hundred thousand dodgers are now " "LiBten,Mr Bateman; another suggestion, I would have lithograph portraits of her hung up in popular places, and inscribed ' Kate Bateman at the Arch-street Theatre.' Don't you see?" ,"See !" shrieked Bateman, now red and perspiring; " you ought to see my bill tor lithographic printing. In every shop window in Phil " " And there's the press," continued Ward. " Ah, Mr Bateman, I fear you do not recognise that Archimedean lever. Your duty to your daughter will not permit you to hold yourself' aloof from the critics and reporters." Here he took Mr Bateman a little apide and lowered his voice to a gentle whisper— "l would gee up a little supper for the press. It needn't be expensive. Some sandwiches and beer will do." " Sandwiches and beer ! Sinbad the Sailor ! Man, I've just paid a bill of threo hundred dollars fora supper to the pressterrapin and champagne !" "Ponder well what I have said," concluded Ward, aa though he had heard none of Bateman 's excited interruptions, and then he sauntered away. " What did you cay that man's name is ?" asked Bateman, when he was gone. " Charles F. Browne," replied Drew ; " better known as Artemus Ward, the humourist." " Artemus Ward !" Then tho look that came over poor Batem&n's face as he recognisdd the "sell," arid leaning faintly i against the wall begged Drew to lead him out was something that cannot be described. — "Texas Sif tings."