Humbug, Affectation, or What?

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 160, 28 August 1886, Page 4

Humbug, Affectation, or What?

Affectation is a complaint that attack? young and old alike, regardless of ccx, nationality, or position. You see it in the draper's assistant, who, with languid air and lisping speech, asks, "if thith will do, or if that will thuit," and you see it just as Btrongly in tbe blacksmith's apprentice, who affects the grim Horcules, and takes as much pride in walking the streets with smut on his hands jand face, and in his open shirt and brawny muscle, as the budding draper does in his lisp and his girlish hands. The bank clerk, on £150, per annual, is suffering from the same malady. See him, as with springy step, startling clothes, pointed shoes, twirlingcane, masher collar, and scented hair, withalack-a-daiay-air call and an eyeglass in position. He nods to acquaintances, ogles the girls he does not know, aod flirts with those that he does, and thinks, " What a fine chap I am." Then there is the young clergyman who aa soon as possible affects the parsonic attire, and the parsonic airs. He darts reproviner dances at the wicked man who will persist in {-molting in the train, and strikes up an acquaintance with "all the ladies in the carriage, and patronises the children in quite a fafcherly manner. His conversation is of the chuich, churchy, and he remarks how. this church is just free of debt, but subscriptions are earnestly invited towards another ; and, berides, the circuit requires a new horse, would have no objection to a new carpet or an organ, and, indeed, is always thankful for mercies, large or small— large preferred. He enlarges on schools, Bands of Hope, and hopes Booth will come again and convert Home more of the outsiders. The stout bride o£ 35 summers, who sobs and trembles all the way up the aisle on the arm oi her ancient brother, i« another victim to effect, just as the lady who ushers an unexpected visitor in to dinner on an inconvenient day, and wivh profuse expressions of pleasure hopes he will come again, and theu, when he is gone, calmly says to her husband, " What made that stupid <stay to dinner? I hope he won't come again in a hurry !" Go into the first church you are passing: next Sunday, and note with what disgusted concern thit young fellow in the next eeat dusts liin knees with a snowy cambric aa he rises from the cleanest ot floors, and observe him catcb the eye of his companion, and see the glances they exchange. But a few years ago they slept for week 1 ? in a daity immigrant ship and never dreamt of brushing: their clothes ; indeed, had few to brush. Watch the fem-ile part of the congregation, who sanctimoniously bury thoir face in their handkerchiefs until the parson ia well under way with his prayers, and then take a gltince or two around — only a few glances, but afterwards they can tell what each wore, and al?o if it suited her or not — generally not. With what affected bravado the small boys ea: lollies and make grimaces when they are quite «ure father i* not looking, or is f-o engaged in singing bass that he has ears Cor nothing elee ; and with what bravado, of another kind, the man by the door hunts a truant doe down the steps. The man at the door takes tho offerings with the greatest unconcern ; but if you follow him home you may hear him tell his wife what each gave, and aleo what he ought to have given. A stout simple girl left her country home for a town pituation as 1 houpemaid only two short years ago. She went plainly but warmly dressed, innocent of complexion, waist, or affectation, and would have laughed at the idea of being afraid of a cow. Now home for a holiday, she goes to milk in an old, but still showy dress, ornamented with dangling bits of soiled or frayed ribbons and lace. Her hair is in papers, and a pair of cloth boots with dangling tassels protect her feet. Sliding up to old Brindle she seats herself, and as tbe innocent animal whipks a fly off her Bide, Mary J;ane starts to her feet and gasps to a younger sister, " Oh. Beseie, do come and milk thi* dreadful beast, she frightened me so much," and leaving the little one to finish the cow?=, she starts for the cottage. She does nq*} take the shortcut through the fence as of: old, oh no, that would be "vulgar,' and besides her improver might not allow it ! So she goes round to the gate and retires to the house to drink tea and eat buttered pancake with an old beau of hers, who wonders to nimeelf, 'f hpvp- Mary Jane can eat ag much as, of old, and yet be co very much slimmer V* The "common working man," who glories in his mupole, his pipe, and, his ability >to drink beer, who would not wear a collar (except on holidays) fpr ( 6dan hour, i sneers, at others who may have" a we&kneps for style, nice, nesp, or fashion, and forgets that he affects his bluchers, loud handkerchief, and flannel shirt, as much as the other does his cane or his moustache, and is just as proud of them, too.i ; Schoolmasters demand the whereabouts of ( Ka'm«chafcka in a voice of thunder, and ask for, the , source ( of the Yang ta,e- :- kiang as if giving, orders. pn, t ; he d^epk/o'f a man of- war amid t| the roar of ( qarinpn,and the dash of ocean • waves',) , There are affected' Ms.P., .affected butcher , bpys Tj affected slaveys,' affeote'd new chums' and affected chums. And, though co common, a complaint,, it, is not quite incurable ; and a ; tem^prary 'relief is easily obtained,. A good : a^t^dp i t v e w ,Jis i ridicute 1 in, Btn'a.|t d.o'jie£, common,^ense- Jn^large, quantities, jfa^qng ]o£rneyjln,,» "crowd^ qqac)^ and afPflgM PA^&P rr 5 m #? n W 8 * ean lf y r 9)A affect any it colour of tbe ship c eides,— Lydia Languis^,