Two Too Many for Burial.

Te Aroha News, Volume IV, Issue 161, 17 July 1886, Page 7

Two Too Many for Burial.

By CHARLES RHOADES.

The following story was the successful one which obtained the prize given by the proprietors of the " New Zealand Tit-bits." There were 45 competitors : Travellers are expected to exaggerate slightly when recounting their adventures ; so that after my friend Stokes had finished relating his exploits the other evening, I straightway proceeded to cut out all additions and strip off superfluities,, which left the main facts very bare, without even a fig-leaf of truth to cover them. Whether I was right or not in my deductions can be seen by the discriminating reader himself. My friend Stokes, about two years ago, went to the Isthmus of Panama, having been engaged beforehand to take charge of a section of the works on the great canal they were cutting through from sea to sea. His office was no sinecure, for amongst the thousands of labourers from every nationality under the sun, robberies, free-fights and murders, and many other complications, wete always arising, causing him often to exercise the function of magistrate as well ac overseer. Added to this, when the fever season came round he was called into requisition as coroner, so that altogether his was a pretty lively billet. The mortality among the men was something fearful ; many taken sick in the morning died at night. Still the work went on unceasingly, fresh men pouring in every day to fill up the gaps caused in the ranks by King Death. Large trenches were dug, into which the fever-stricken corpses were bundled indiscriminately, shroudless and coffinless. Stokes is, and always was, somewhat of a dandy, and the idea of being pitched along with Coolies and Chinamen into a hole, should the fever claim him, went considerably against his feelings. The more he thought of it, less pleasing the notion seemed ; so he called a council of two neighbouiing overseers to devise some method of insuring decent interment should the fever cut them off". Mcllwraith and Lenehan responded to the call, and rolled up one evening to his slab hut. Stokes immediately broached the subject and a bottle of ' Glenlivet.' 1 Well, nu/ said Mac, after he had heard the dismal purpose of the gathering, 'it canna matter wheer our puir bodies gang tv, sin tha's na kirk-yaid aboot.' ' Divil a bit ! ' assented Len, with his nose in a tumbler. ' It does not matter much, I'll own,' said Stokes, ' yet 'twould be a comfort to my Auckland friends if they knew I was buried decently/ (Bather cool, as if we wished him dead.) ' You don't know how they turn out to a funeral over there. I propose we dig a grave and put a coffin in it, fixing it up so that we could creep in and pull down the lid and earth together, and be buried right away decently.' My friend 7 ? persuasive tongue and the mellowing effect of the whiskey soon brought round his two companions to his way of thinking. 'I'm muckle obleeged ta ye,' said Mac, ' fur takin' sich trouble aboot our worldly consarns.' 'It's me that'll thank yer, Mister Stokes,' said Len, * when oive tried yer plan.' It was all settled and a grave was dug four feet deep in the floor of an outhouse ; they could go no deeper as a subterranean stream of great velocity ran there, feeding a dam two miles away used for filling engine boilers on some distant working. An easy grade was tunnelled to the foot of the hole, the coffin, a good wide seven-footer, placed carefully, the lid propped open enough for a man to creep in, then the grave was filled in leaving a mound two feet above the top so that when anyone crept into the coffin, composed himself and pulled the stick that propped up the lid, down would tumble the earth, burying him beautifulty. When all was finished Stokes breathed more freely than he had done for some time. He was relieved, being, as it were, now safely insured against accidents. The fever raged with greater virulence than ever, poor stricken wretches were dying by hundreds, and at last the plague entered poor Stokes' hut, fastened on and claimed him as its victim. He knew his hour had come ; lie felt the hot blood coursing madly through his veins as though it would burst his skin ; then the cold shivering fits succeeded ; afterwards, weakness, prostration, and death. He was sure it would end so, but through all the agony the sweet thought permeated, C I have prepared my sepulchre, I'll be buried respectably.' Feeling the last stages of the fever upon him, he stripped and prepared for the silent tomb. Putting on one of the half-dozen night-gowns a thoughtful mother had packed up for him, but which he had before ignored, he feebly staggered out into the darkness, for it was night, down the grade towards the coffin. Sounds of violent altercation greeted his bewildered senses ' Isn't itmeself, Michael Lenehan, that was here before yer, Mister Mcllwraith. Divil a bit will I budge to plaze ye 5 first come first sarved ; it is your dhirty Scotch spalpeen.'

Such a contingency never struck Stokes, that possibly they might all require the grave at the same time. ' Here's Meester Stokes hissel 1 will settle our dispute,' said Mac, as that single gentlemen in quest of lodgings walked up to the grave. ' So you're both jumping my claim, are you ? Clear out ; I'm going in hci c myself.' With that he put oneleg into the box. * Sure, laddie, thars room for twa,' and Mac stuck in his head. ' De thunder, I won't be left behind!' With that Pat sprang in lengthwise. As it was a case of dying outside after all if they did not hurry up they agreed to squeeze in as best they could. The coffin was made large, and Pat and Mac, being spare men, managed to lay sideAvays along the bottom. Stokes spread himself out luxuriously on top and made ready to pull away the stick, ' All right, below there,' said he. ' Foine,' said Len. ' Vera meedlin',' faintly from Mac. Stokes pulled away the stick with a sudden jerk. Down came the coffin lid within an eighth of an inch of his his nose ; the earth thundered after. There was a moment of .suffocation and all was over. Early the next morning, a<3 the sun was peeping timidly over the ranges bcfore_ taking his morning leap, a party of Chinamen with an overseer were filling barrels at the canvas-back dam and piling them on drays, ready to be carted into the interior. Suddenly out of the main water-race shot ' a peculiar shaped boat into mid-stream, where it whirled around a few moments, and then sank. Instantly three human heads appealed on the surface, and six human ai ras and legs vigorously struck out for shore, where they clambered up, revealing three scantily-clad, shiveringfigures. •It's moighty lucky we are, sure,' said one. ' Holy mother, Oi'U live to have a dacent wake yet.' ' It's thankfu' ye shud be to escape a fearfu' burial,' said another. 1 If you hadn't been so darned greed}', and crowded the coffin, the bottom of the confounded grave wouldn't have tumbled out/ said the third. You see, Stokes was nettled at the failure of his plan. ' Guess, strangers,' said the overseer, approaching, < that ar's a smart way of cheating the fever. 'Arly moinin' swims is better nor anything.' ' We all three had the fever yesterday,' said Stokes, x but this christening has literally given us new life, and effectually cooled our bJood.'