CHAPTER III.

Te Aroha News, Volume III, Issue 135, 2 January 1886, Page 3

CHAPTER 111.

Auguatua would have been much less at ease had he suspected the manner in which the party had been arranged and the pur.pose for which it was designed. But he was quite unconßcions of all this. He did not, nor could he, imagine that on the return passage from the Tamaki the malevolent cousin had suggested the possibility of effecting a matrimonial engagement between him and the aunt, and that Jessie had, perfidiously 'expressed her pleasure at

the bareidea; : [Neither had he the slightest, conception ' ; o£*the f nefarious scheme 'thaViihe, Mr Cousin^ (for ihai ;waa his proper name "and not his relationship/ to Jessie) had evoked from his inner consciousness'with the half -declared propose, of I en-, meshing hirn^in ,the toils^of matrimpnyy Yet Cousin, assistied-Cb^:' -Miss Mol&wry the youngsr.had planned it all. „ „ > * \ * They Kad agreed 'that a par ty should be held during the fallowing week towhichMr Sprig:, gins should be 'invited, and that 'note's^ of invitation, should' also be forwarded ,^6O, a select number of friends, each of whom should be informed that the gathering was being, held in celebration, of the engagement of Spriggings and the elder Miss McLoury, care also being taken to caution the expected guests not to attach any importance to the possible disavowals of , the engaged pair aa they were terribly, bashful. Nothing further than this was contemplated, for it was calculated that the little ruse would succeed in bringing Augustus to his knees, and in paving the way for a proposition of marriage. tfn the afternoon of the party, Mr Spriggins managed to get a half-holiday, and he consecrated it to the serious business of personal adornment. He spared no pains and begrudged no expense in the " getting up" of his costume, and having been assured by Mr and Mrs Ripstone, to whom he „ submitted himself for inspection, that he looked quite " killing " he betook himself, with a thoroughly self-satisfied air, to the residence of the McLoury's. * None of the guests had yet arrived, and Jessie was not quite ready, but the fair and ample Margery received him with open arms- metaphorically, of course. Jessie, however, soon appeared radiant with smiles and full of compliments. By-and-bye, the guests began to drop in, in twos and threes, and, after each arrival, there was a general hand-seaking, a short interchange of references to the weather, a satisfactory coincidence of opinion as to the closeness of tl>e atmosphere, a critical scrutiny by the ladies of each othor's wearing apparel, and, finally, an introduction to the family album and Jessie's Scrap Book. Singulurly enough, all the gentlemen seemed to know Mr Sprigging, al hough he had never spoken to any of them before, and, stranger still, everyone evinced a disposition to couple his name and that of Miss Margery McLowry togethor whenever his tastes were consulted on any point, or his opinion solicited. Margery, too, established herself at his side, addressed him constantly by his Christian name, and in a sibillant whisper insisted upon being spoken to with similar familiarity. Tn the course of conversation also, frequent hints were made to the happiness that awaited Agustus, and he was complimented on all sides for his pluck, and for the discrimination he had displayed in regulating his choice by a desire for domestic felicity and substance rather than allowing it to be blinded by vain show and superficial glitter. He was puzzled and perplexed by the congratulations and indirect allusions, but all his professions of bewilderment and ignorance only served to stimulate the mirth of his companions, and to evoke from them sundry ejaculated phrases such as " Oh, you sly dog," " What innocence," "By Jove ! you'd deceive your own father," with the usual accompaniment of significant winking. Meanwhile, Margery, having been assured before hand by her hopeful niece that Mr Spriggins had popped the question tocher aa proxy for her aunt, and that she had ventured to accept him on the aunt's behalf, received with simpering affability all the felicitations that were addressed to her, and dilated at great length upon the ardour of passion with which her darling Spriggins wae inspired. The usual parlour games were oneaged in, and Augustus, in spite of himself, was obliged to play court to the aunt, and to accept her as his partner for the evening. The impertinent questions provoked for himself and Margery answers that were voted to suit their case most happily. In the game of " consequences " their names were invariably associated together j where partners had to be chosen everyone seemed to regard hia selection as predetermined, and, in the crying of "forfeits," he found that his penalties had, without a single exception, to be paid to the aunt, while he was made the* unwilling recipient of hers. Then he had to escort the elderly female relation to table, and take up a position beside her. The full sense of the situation, however, did not dawn upon his beclouded I intellect until Mr Henry Ginger, a young ) butcher, who had been appointed Master of Ceremonies, arose to give what he was pleased to term " the toast of the hevening," I viz., "Long life, prosperity, and a 'ouseful of holive branches to Mr and Mru Spriggina aa is to be." So did the obeaginous, but not very grammatical Ginger put it. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "fli ham hexceedingly sorry to call away your hattontion from the delicious heatables and the scrumptious drinkables has the Miss McLowrys 'aye been so kind as to lay afore us, but, ladies and gentlemen, you will forgive my himpatiencc when Hi tell you that Hi 'aye a toast to propose wich you will be delighted to 'onour. That toa3t, ladies and gentlemen, is ' Long life, prosperity, and a 'ouseful of h'olive branches to Mr and Mrs S aa ia to be.' Hero Augustus's lower jaw dropped to its inll extent whilo his right hand convulsively grasped a roast turkey that stood in front of him and then as nervously proceeded to apply to his whiskers tho mucilage so contracted. Then he made a desperate effort to rise, but was twitched down by his coat tails while the oratori•cal Ginger, having moistened hia tongue with a sip of wine, thus proceeded :— "We must hall, ladies and gentle man repernise the suitability of the match, for hall the qualities Mr Spriggins lacks, Miss McLowry possesses, and, of course, wicey loersey, as the Latin poet beautifully cays," (Here the company broke into tumultuous applause, which gave Mr Ginger time and occasion for imbibing further" liquid refreshment) Then, with a preliminary clearing of the throat, he resumed, while Augustus commenced a subdued altercation with Mr Cousin :— "Ladies and gentlemen. The 'oly state of wedlook ehould be reserved h'only for them has is deserving of h'itand who will discharge faithfully hits harduous duties. Hi think hour friends can lay claim to hit on that ground. Miss McLowry his a lady of the 'ighest character (here Miss Margery blushingly drooped her head), and the sweetest disposition, while Mr Spriggina his a genalman of 'onour, and a keen judge too of feminine perfection. He 'as made a choice wich should command hour hadmiration, and both 'c and 'is hamiable hintended missis 'as shown sich a tenderness for each hother that we cannot doubt that a 'appy future his hin store for them." Mr Ginger got no further with his speech, for Augustus, at this instant, abruptly closing his tete-atete .with Mr Cousin, staggered to his feet, and with the courage derived from copious libations of liquor, yelled out, «» This is a malicious lie ; Mr Ginger ib no gentleman I am not engaged, , and I won't be married to such an ugly oldfrightas Mies MoLowry '■ The outraged of the aunt could not stand this -unkind, cut, and witt f.)an unearthly and blood-curdling shriek 3 she fell to the floor and sought relief in a fii b I, of boisterous hyj&erics " < The company was

Augustus rfiwas's to^d'^'a^^brute^cwhdse of a^-asiithe f <'spoor,';'j.Buffer»ng.'n r ttrigel. .?BsDbe guests -^hurried lyp-to'ok ;theuvMedve;; f and' in, "s\Ute^6fj } ma^dlm v , in^oxfcat tiea,r spent^Ke^igh'tndn, GonstitutioW Hill," Returning home in' the' morning -with ?the excuse of- having' tbeen prevailed upon to dtop .tthe', >night, at ' the,- house of a' friend. T Two,,or three days' subsequently, He was presented with a lawyer's,- letter informing . him ,T, T that Miss rMcLoury had decided to institute immediate. proceedings for the recovery of £500 damages for. breach of promise of marriage unless he undertook to marry her forthwith. Driven to ' the verge of distraction, he sought the advice of Mr/.Cousin, and, having been assured by thatastute gentleman that he had made a formal tender of his hand and heart on the night of the, party to Mies Margery, he eadly announced his willingness to accept the alternative of marriage. j ' The ceremony took place very quietly a jWeek later, -Mr Batter officiating as best man, and the faithless Jessie acting as bridesmaid. Mrs Spriggins lost no time in assuming the sole and absolute directions of family affairs, regulated her husband's hours i and movements insisted upon bis admission jto s the Presbyterian Church, got him advanced to the position of elder, and now enforces the loving practice of a parting kiss in the morning, and one of greeting in the' evening- Augustus has giveu up all his quondam frivolities and amusements, has even been obliged to forswear the company of the harmless Batter, conducts a class at Sunday-school, attends church twice a day on Sundays, and trots his wife avound to all the prayer meetings and congregational gatherings, that the Rev. Timothy McSnuffle deems it right to hold. In fine he is a painfully-model married man, and he has learnt- thoroughly the virtue of resignation. Jessie and her cousin have also married, and the disconsolate Batter now attends tea-meetings alone and dispirited. He goes, however, merely for the sake of the inner man, and no longer with any amorous intentions towards the ladies. THE END.