THE TWO PROFESSORS. (FROM "BELGRAVIA.")

Te Aroha News, Volume II, Issue 82, 27 December 1884, Page 5

THE TWO PROFESSORS. (FROM "BELGRAVIA.")

" Charlie ! You frighten me ! Wliat can have induced you to venture into this house?" " Venture ! What do you mean ? I received a note from your father inviting me to dinner. You may suppose I didn't spend much time in getting ready. I just jumped into my dress clothes, and here I am." "Oh, my dear boy, there is some mistake. Where do you come from ? I thought you were in Scotland." " Not at all ! The day after you left I was telegraphed for to Diisseldorf, and only came back to-day." •• Where are you putting up ?" " At Morrisons Private Hotel." "Oh, Charlie, not really ! How extraordinary ! 1 see it all now. You are here by mistake.' •'Don't say that, darling. I thought it was all right, and that you had told the parents. " "Oh, no. I've never dared. Do take your hand away, Charlie; go farther off —suppose anyone should come ! Oh dear, oh dear, what shall we do ?" " Suppose you explained matters a Little." "The invitation was not for you ; it was for a Professor Miiller just arrived from Bonn. You know Kitty is staying there, and she wrote to mamma to ask her to be civil to him. Look, here is the letter : — " ' Dearest Mamma,— Our dear and inevery - respect - to-be - admired Professor Miiller is, to our great regrot, about to leave us in order to be present at a meeting of the '• International Society of Geologists " to be held in London. He starts to-morrow, a week before the time, in order to familiarise himself beforehand with the language, for though lie reads and writes English marvellously well, he finds a difficulty in speaking ; and, indeed, as all here say, our method (or rather want of method) in pronunciation is simply barbarous.' " "There, that'll do, Trixy dear. Don't read me any more of that pompous rubbish. To think of a sister of yours beinsr such a prig ' " "She's quite young, poor little thing," said the elder sister ot nineteen, " and has naturally fallen into the German way. She goes on to beg mamma to ask him to dinner." "Of course, I see it all now. The invitation was for the geological specimen, the in-every-respect-to-be-adtnired Muller from the Vaterland, and my name being Miller, the waiter at the hotel brought it to me. Never mind, it's all right. I'll personate the worthy Professor.'' "Oh, but you can't. You're not a bit like one. You haven't even a pair of spectacles." " Can't you rake out an eyeglass or something?" "Do be serious, Charlie dear ! Papa will be so awfully angry. You don't know what be is ; he will be sure to find you out, and bhen things will be worse than ever." "The latter end will be worse than the beginning, you think. Not a bit of it ! En fact, it can't be. Already he hates my rery name, and won't have it mentioned before him ; but personally he can't dislike me, because he has never seen me. Now I will so ingratiate myself into his favour tonight that he will retract all his former 3rrors." " That is a thing he never does. He prides himself upon ?icvcr being mistaken in xjirtt impression. My poor boy, all you say proves how little you know him.'' " Little, do you say ? I don't know him at all ! am just on the point of making his acquaintance theugh to-night, for I mean to see this affair through to-night. Don't be afraid, I shall make a splendid Professor ! So geology is his line ; that's stones, iMi't it '! I know nothing about them, but that don't matter. I know something a great deal more to the purpose, and that is, a few of your father's little -weaknesses. Trust me for humouring them, that's all ! I can see how the mistake came about. It was entirely your fault, you dear little " " Indeed it wasn't. I took great pains to explain everything. I myself gave the letter to Thomas to carry to the hotel, and I said particularly Mr Mailer, the gaUlcmanjust arrived from Germmiy.' " Of course you did, and if your German accent had been a little worse, I should never have got the letter. Why, my dear child, the waiter knoA\s nothing about accents and modified vowels, and all the rest of it. M-u-1 — Mul, 1-e-r — ler ; Muller, to rhyme with scuJler, don't you know?" "Hush, here conies papa; there's the top-tap of his stick. How you can dance about like that " (for Charlie was executing a series of energetic pas seuls on the hearthrug) " when everything; is so serious, I can't imagine. I feel a* if I should faint !" While Beatrice's father, the Honourable Horatio Merry weather, is slowly descending the stairs, we must explain matters a little. Charlie Miller was generally called Charlie Sherwood, his mother having married Captain Sherwood about two years after her first husband's death. Lieut. Miller and Captain Sherwood had been great friends, and when the former died, leaving a chaiming young widow of four-and-twenty, and a baby boy, Captain Sherwood thought it his duty to supply the husband's place. He had treated his stepson as his own child, and few people suspected that Charlie father's was dead, and that the numerous brothers and sisters who adored him were his relations only on his mother's side. He nad met Beatrice Merryweather at a country house in Scotland. The two young people had been a good deal thrown together. Beatrice was pretty, Charlie was ardent, and they became engaged. Now, Mr Merryweather had a standing feud with the Sherwood family about some ridiculous lawsuit. The disputed point was the boundary between two moors, and a great deal of bad money had been thrown away over a very little bad land. The very name of Sherwood was an abomination unto the Honourable Horatio : nobody dared mention it in his presence. The good gentleman was a terrible invalid ; at least he thought himself one, which is the same thing, only worse. Any excitement was said to be bad for his nerves, any shock was said to be bad for his heart. It may or may not have been so, but one thing was positively certain : any contradiction was bad for his temper ! Mrs Merryweather, a large, warm-hearted woman, with no angles of mind or body, acted as a buffer between the miserable hypochondriac and the outer world. How she retained her genial, kindly nature, not to speak of her adipose tissue, was a marvel to all her acquaintances. One would have expected both to be worn away by the constant wear and tear of her fretful husband's continual complaints. But Mrs Merryweather seemed to fatten on them, and to grow sweeter and sweeter in proportion as her lord and master grew sourer and sourer. They had a large family. Horatio, the eldest son, was at Oxford, developing his muscles instead of his mind ; Beatrice, the merriest maddest maiden of them all, was, as we know, secretly engaged to Charlie Sherwood, or rather Charlie Miller ; Kitty,

the next girl, was studying in Germany ; the rest were good average children, but have nothing to do with our story. Mr Merryweather, a tall, cadaverous individual, now entered the room leaning upon a stick. It was early in May, and the twilight was gathering ; but though the lamps were lighted in tho dining-room, the butler had not thought it necessary to light them in the drawing-room. Mr Merryweather looked anxiously round for his visitor. He had never been abroad, and had a great prejudice against foreigners, so that Mrs Merryweather had had much difficulty in persuading him to invite the eminent professor of geology to his house. There stood Charlie, looking as if "the eternal feminine" was much more in his line than fossiliferous strata, &c. Mr Merryweather was an extremely punctilious man, and never omitted any conventional form cf politeness. Ho was also vory particular with regard to tho reiinements of the toilette ; scrupulously nice and neat himself, ho required others to bo the same. Charlie's appearanco therefore impressed him very favourably. He had expected to see a ragged-looking individual with long hair and dubious linen ; one, mereover, who would wear the inevitable spectacles and huge square-toed boots of his kind. But the clean, well-dressed, well put-together young man before him was" a very different affair. Mr Merryweather advanced with more cordiality: "I am glad to make your aquaintance, sir," he said affably; "my daughter speaks of you in glowing terms." The spurious professor shook hands deferentially with his host, and then made a low bow towards Beatrice. She turned away and protended not to see. " How stupid he is,'" she thought, trembling with nervous apprehension ; " Papa means Kitty, of course " But her father had no suspicion of anything wron^. He presumed the professor, naturally enough, was expecting an introduction. "Ah, yes. This is my eldest daughter, Beatrice ; not quite so gifted as my daughter Katherine. I am afraid you would find her sadly wanting She is far behind your pupil." r "I think I should be satisfied with tho young lady,'' said Charlie, bowing again : a magnificent professorial j-alaam w hich Beatrice was obliged to return, looking intensely uncomfortable as she did ,^o. " You mu«t forgive me if I do wrong— if I make a mistake — everything here is so new to me," said Charlie slowly. "Pray don't mention it," cried Mr Merryweather. He spoke quite eagerly for him : this quiet respectful manner was exactly the kind of silent Battery which the /)wl«ilc 'uncKjinaire enjoyed. He went on : " I hope you will like England. You must consider us ill quite at your command. I shall be happy, as far as my poor health will allow, to do anything to render your visit agreeable. " "Then the question is settled beforehand, lam certain to enjoy my visit in that case." Charlie spoke rather too fluently and enthusiastically for his role, and Beatrice, who was watching her father's countenance with an intensity of anxiety, saw a slight expression of surprise pass over it. The strain was too much for her; murmuring pretext of finding her mother, she left the room. Her absence was a relief to Charlie, who felt he could play his part more comfortably when she was not there. "Did you have a good passage, Mr Mnller ?" " Splendid. That is — rather, what you call— rough — boisterous." Charlie's accent had become slightly Teutonic, and his words followed each other more slowly. " You know my daughter, I hear." "1 do, but I would like to know her better ; she has great qualities. All her friends love her — / love her." It was now Mr Merry weather's turn to bow, w hich lie did with gratified paternal pride. The unusual warmth of the expression he passed over as merely the natural mistake of a foreigner. He know nothing of German, and very little of French ; still, he knew enough to realise the different applications of the verb "aimer;" no doubt the German word was equally feeble. " I hope she profits by your lessons ?" " Oh — ah — yes— but she docs not obei/vae yet. I hope she will some day." " Yes, yes ; that will come. Girls are apt to be wilful, you know ; but she appreciates your teaching, I can assure you." The professor bowed. There was such .safety and polite acquiescence in that movement, and silence would be considered to proceed from ignorance of the language. It was so difficult to speak at all and not speak too well. Mr Merryweather began again. " I must apologise lor the lateness of our dinner hour I fear everything here will be different from your German customs. Ah ! here is my wife.' Mrs Merryweather shook hands warmly with the prepossessing German professor of geology. She could see better than her husband, and her maternal heart took alarm at his youth and good looks. "No wonder Kitty raves about him," she thought. "Dear, dear, I hope she won't be wanting to marry him ' She never mentioned his age, certainly, but I took it for granted that a professor would be old. I'll never ask him to the house again, and really Kitty had better come home. I'm afraid Germans are lax in their ideas of intercourje between teachers and pupils. A foreigner in the family would never do, and of course he's poor." Beatrice now summoned up courage to return, supported by a brother, a young hobbledehoy about sixteen, and a pretty slim sister who looked very shy and retiring. Mrs Merryweather introduced them all, Charlie rising and making a fresh obeisance to Beatrice with polite gravity. When dinner was announced, Mr Merryweather rose quite briskly, and held out his arm to his eldest daughter in a jesting manner. This proved that he was in high good humour; the „ young brother and sister followed, Charlie brought up the rear with Mrs Merryweather, "tho main body," so to speak. Seen in the full light of the lamp, Charles certainly failed to come up to the ideal of a professor, and a feeling, half misgiving, half suspicion, crossed Mr Merryweather's mind. But it was very transitory ; a much more important subject engrossed his attention, namely, the weighing and measuring of his principal meal. A dainty pair of silver scales, and a small measuring glass stood by his place at table. "I don't know whether you have given much attention to tho subject of food — scientifically, of course. I am of opinion, in common with many great and learned minds of past generations, that the amount generally eaten by people in health is greatly in excess of the body's requirements." Charlie bowed acquiescence. He was conscious that his host talked much more like a professor than ho could, and he was also well aware that nothing would stamp him so successfully as a man of intelligence and mental culture in tho eyes of the Honourable Horatio as the listening in silence to that gentleman's wordy exordiums. "Indeed, people in the present generation are becoming alive to the fact. A learHed countryman of your own. Dr.

Ebstein by name, and also a gifted ladywriter in one of our new periodicals, are endeavouring to stem the torrent of boozing and gluttony which threatens to engulf this country. I strive to follow the example of the noble Venetian, Cornaro, who preserved his health to one hundred years and upwards. He maintained Mb vigour, joth mental and bodily, upon a diot which never excoeded twelve ounces of solid food and fourteen ounces of wine." "Is that all you allow yourself, sir?" asked Charlie, with as good an imitation of a German accont as he could manage, for his present audience, especially the young hobbledehoy of sixteen, disconcerted him. Mr Merryweather shook his head. "No," he answered in a tone of deep rogret, "my rule is thirty ounces altogethor, but I often reduce it to twentyeight. I differ from Cornaro in the proportions, allowing myself less wine and more food. But this is sorry conversation for you, who aro young and have no doubt a healthy appetite. Do not let my abstinence, due in some measuro to my unfortunate health, deter you from making a good dinner. Atter the fatigues of your journey it would be unwise to expect too much of your digestive powers, but no doubt thcro lias been waste to be repaired. I hope our English viands may tempt your palate." Now Charlie required no tempting ; he was ravenously hungry, and could have made a clean sweep of everything ho saw before him, but Mr Merry weather's dislike to great eaters had long been confided to him by Beatrice. It was the subject on which her father enlarged most frequently, with the ono exception of the boundary lawsuit. So Charlie sat fasting and silent, bow ing at intervals to Mr Merryweather, who, more and more enchanted with the deferential Professor, laid down the law more dogmatically than usual ; while his trembling hands, white and delicate as a woman's, measured out his various ounces of bread, meat, and vegetables, and his various tablespoonfuls of whisky and water. Mrs Merry weather, on the contrary, was quite distressed at her guest's want of appetite, and kept pressing him to eat ; but her husband silenced her by a majestic wave of the hand. " Secants, my dear Matilda," he said sententiously, " know better than to weigh dou n the ethereal substance — the intellect — by gross feeding, or to becloud tho brain by indiscriminate drinking. They are more solicitous about mind than matter." Now, as Mrs Merry weather's fat, round face was bent over her plate in undisguised appreciation of some delicious sweet, this seemed a sneer at her evident enjoyment. Charlie began to repent the sacrifice he had made, not on account of his own internal cravings, but for the sake of his kindly hostess. That worthy lady, however, did not trouble in tho least about her husband's remarks, continuing thoroughly to appreciate her dinner. In the silence which ensued tho young hopeful of sixteen volunteered a remark. " Perhaps you don't like what we've got, sir. Germans always eat sausages and drink beer, don't they?" There Mas an awful pause. The parents knew this, was meant for an impertinence, but as the supposed Professor might really be fond of these dainties, they did not know what to say. C harlie replied with cheerful condescension to the young gentleman, that in spite of the fact that both sausage^and beer were highly appreciated in Germany, he did not like either. But though he came successfully through j these little episodos, Charlie felt the dinner a very trying business indeed. It was true that ho had made a very good impression on the invalid father, but the difficulty of supporting his assumed role under tho scrutiny of the younger members of the party was almost more than he could enduie. Would tho time never pass? He felt sure he could manage Mr Merryweather even better alone. Beatrice felt equally anxious for the dinner to come to an end. She sat on thorns, eating little and saying less. At last Mrs Merryweather rose and led hor young people to trie drawing-room ; Charlio standing by the door and contriving to ox change a look of encouragement and a tiny squce/.c of tho hand with Beatrice as sho went by. The young boy of sixtcon had been dismissed by hi& father and had gone with tho rest, to Charlie's unutterable relief. Left alone with his guest, Mr Merry weathor plunged into the subject of the lawsuit. It was to him like the head of Charles I. was to Mr Dick : it came in everywhere. So in spite of his hearer being, as he supposed, a foreigner and ignorant of the lawb of thib country, the Honourable Horatio began the long history of his grievances. " And in the face of all that, sir," he concluded, "the d cision has twice been given against me. You see the absurd anomaly is that Scotch procedure is different to English. 1 suppose you know nothing of the Scotch law of Hypothec." Charlie could conscientiously answer ho did not. "Well — well — it's a long history and slightly involved, and I won't enter into it all now. 1 fear the ladies will bo expecting us. But you quite see the case, I'm sure." Charlio had listened very patiently and with a great appearance of sympathy ; he could now declare with sincerity that if he had the power, Mr Merryweather should fix his own boundary to morrow. Mr Merryweather was completely won. " My dear sir," he said, button-holing his guest as they rose from the table, " for so young a man and for a stranger to this country, you have a most remarkable — yes, a most remarkable — grasp of facts. Your knowledge and command of our language is also very astonishing — the little accent you will soon lose —and I feel persuaded (and let me tell you I am very seldom deceived in first impressions) that a very fine career lies before you. I can always discover talent, whether in Englishman or foreigner." Oppressed by theso undeserved and pompous oulogiums, Charlio preceded his ho&t into tho drawing-room. In order to escape iurther conversation he asked Beatrice for a song. She chose a duet, one they had often sung together in Scotland, and asked him to join. It was a German Volkslied, so the selection seemed graceful and appropriate to the visitor, and appropriate indeed it was ! The little ballad with its simplo music is well known. As the young people were cai-olling this with much fervour of expression, an unexpected interruption occurred. The servant suddenly flung open the door, after the manner of his kind, announcing in a loud voice Professor Miller. An explosion of dynamite could scarcely have been more startling. Everyono not in the fcecret looked naturally bewildered. Beatrice turned as white as a sheet, and even Charlio lost colour and assurance. The newcomer was an onormous person, tall and bulky. His hair, which was brushed straight back from his forehead, hung about his shoulders like a mane ; his beard, which was long and untrimmed, covered his ample chest; the soiled and crumpled wristbands alone gave evidence of the existence at a shirt.

This was precisely the type of individual which Mr Merry weather most loathed. He looked upon such people as utter barbarians ; wild unkempt men of the woods, to be relegated to their native forests. As he rose slowly and confronted the new arrival, Landseer's picture of "High Life and Low Life" came involuntarily to Charlie's mind. But the cheery foreignor was not rebuffed by the attitude and expression of the Englishman. "I come for to present my respect. Miss Kitty she gif ze addross of her fader and moder, and beg me to call and gif zis leedel bagged :'' and the burly German fumbled in his pocket for the little packet in question. "What does this mean?" asked Mr Merry woather, turning to Charlie, His tone was not angry or suspicious, but helpless bewildered ; he looked to his pleasant acquaintance to help him out of the difficulty. "There has been a mistake," said Charlie, "and I think I can explain everything; but I bog to say I came to dinnor by invitation, and he got out the littlo noto from his pocket. Mr Merry weather did not take it ; he was listening with appalled disgust to tho conversation going on between his wife and the German. There was no doubt as to this being the genuine Professor of Geology ; his bulging pockets were full of geological specimens — dirty, dusty stones, which he laid on the Indian table-cloth without compunction as he still searched for the "leedel bagged ;" then his hammer fell out and nearly smashed a valuable Kaga waro bowl. There could not have been a more apt illustration of the proverb about a bull in a china shop. As he rummaged about he was answering Mrs Merryweather's hospitable offers of refreshment in the most execrable English. " Ach, noin, gracious lady ! I can everything in the hotel become. I pray you, trouble not yourself wid /,o tea ; or, a glass beer, a leedle wurst, vat you call zauzage " "My dear Matilda," interrupted Mr Merry weather impatiently, "you will give orders for thoso — ahem — thoso refreshments to bo served in tho dining-ioom." Professor Mullor looked puzzled awdalittle distressed at the tone and manner ; he saw at last something was wrong, Uo had mentioned the beer and sausage, not from any excessive relish of those articles of diet, but :?iniply and .solely because he thought it would give the housewife less trouble to provide them. His ideas of household economy were naturally Clormati; ho had no conception of tho power and sway of the British cook, and the .subordinate part of a lady in the upper classes of English society plays with regard to that omnipotent menial. Moan while Charlie and Beatrice had come forward and were standing each sido of Mr Merryweathcr. They had been confabulating, and had decided to strike while the iron was hot. No moment could bo so propitious as now, when tho huge untidy (lorman wa.s there to make a foil to Charlie's neat prepossessing appearance. So the latter began: "Allow me. sir, to explain all this, and why you have two visitors instead of one. This invitation to dinner was brought to me at my hotel, and I came, only too delighted to make your acquaintance. I did not know till lanivod at your house that the invitation was intended for another. The situation was awkward, but I could not resist taking advantage- of the opportunity which chance threw in my way to become acquainted with Beatrice's father. I met your daughter in Scotland, and loved her at first sight. If you will only givo your consent to our marriage, 1 will do my utmost to mako hor lumpy. My name is Charlie Miller, but you have hitherto always heard me spoken of as Charlie Sherwood, stepson of your neighbour in tho north. Lei me assure you, sir, that as far as the question of the boundary is concerned, 1 will do all in my power " " Really," interrupted Mr Merry weather, "all this is very strange— very unexpected. 1 don't approve of your conduct— coming to my house under false pretences ; two ptofessors " — (the Honourable Horatio looked across at his German guest with ineli'.iblc disgust); "both my daughters, Beatrice and Kitty, involved — I can't understand it. This confusion is too much for my shattered nerves. You must oxcuso me. 1 will retire." And Mr Merry weather took him.solf o(V to bed— tap-tapping along with Ins stick in a very feeble mannor. Charlie held tho door open for him, and was rewarded by a courteous bow : Professor Muller was quite ignored. " Oh, it's all right," whispeicd Beatrice rapturously; "I know papa's ways 60 well. He'll never like to allude to this evening again, but having once liked you, he'll always like you. I am thankful tor the mistake in the name ! You would never have managed to know him with'mi 'hat." The genuine Professor meanwime was holding forth to Mrs Merryweather and her younger children. And here let it at once be said that the big German was a kindly, as well as a clover, man. Handsome withal, though not after tho finikin pattern of London loungers. He laughed heartily at the mistake that had arisen, which Charlie hastily explained to him in Gorman, while Beatrice revealed her engagement to her astonished but indulgent mother. " Well, dear," said the kind, comfortable lady, "I am sure ho is a very nice-looking young fellow, and if ho can roally arrange that fearful lawsuit about the boundary, I'll thank him on my bended knees. No one can tell what I've suffered from that, nor the money your poor father has spent. Now let us go into the dining room. Tho Professor's supper is ready. Befoi'e Dr. Muller left that evening he had quite won the hearts of his heareis. In spite of his grotesque accent and his want of cleanliness, in spite of his ignorance of | conventionalities, he impressed them all I with a sen&o of his gonuine worth. What ! were the curled darlings of society, lisping the small talk of tho day, compared to this genial giant? They all felt that tho lionlike man with his streaming hair and dusty paws was worth a hundred empty-headed " mashers. " He told them anecdotes which kept them in roars of laughter, partly on account of tho real fun in them, partly on account of the queer expressions he used in their relation. JHe gave them news of Kitty in tho most affectionate manner, but as in the saino breath he spoko of his wife and children, Mrs Merryweather's anxieties were allayed. As to Charlie- and Beatrice, thoy wore radiant. It was a delightful e/ening to all concerned. The fortunate result of tho mistake in tho name caused Charlie at once and for over to renounce the appellation of Sherwood, and (when onco Mr Merryweather should have been won over, which Beatrico declared was certain) to hurry on as much as possible the happy day when both he and Beatrice will share the surname of Millor.

White and Crowley have been committed for trial for murdering Meldrum at Newthorn, Otago, despite the argument of their counsel that it was only a case of manslaughter. The third man is still at large. The Vogcl libel suit goes on merrily. Service of writ for £10,000 has been accepted by the defendant's solicitors.