A Violinist Who Could Not Play

Te Aroha News, Volume II, Issue 78, 29 November 1884, Page 5

A Violinist Who Could Not Play

"Haven't I scon you somewhere before?" asked Mr Jones, who was extremely affable, of the hairdresser who shaved him one Saturday evening. " Haven't I seen you somewhere before? I think I know your face ?" "Perhaps so, sir," said the hair-dresser, as he poised the lather-brush in mid-air one momeat. "Did you attend the grand series of concerts at the , about live years ago? You did ? Well, I playod tho violin there, though, if you'd believe me, I don't know one note of music from another. You look astonished. No wonder, but I'll tell yoa how it was. I lived a long time as valot with a gentleman who was a wonderful violinist — Signor StefferstofFeri was his name. Ho lived in bachelor rooms, and I had plenty to do besides dressing his hair and kocping his wardrobe in ordor, and often and often I usod to watch him playing, until, though I didn't know ono tune from the other, I know just how he held the bow, and just what flourishes he gave, and how ho rolled his eyes up and looked ovor his shoulder. He was a very handbomo man, and it was quite fascinating to watcli him. And often and often I'd take his violin in my hand, after he had gone out somowhero, and stand before the glass and play away in dumb show, you know, looking for all the world as if I was a most splendiferous* player, but not making ono sound. ff I'd been deaf I should have thought myself a most talented performer ; indeed, 1 should, sir. But bless your heart, I can imitate any motion of tho body that can bo made, sir ; walk like anybody you mention. I'm a good mimic, and always was. If tho old man wasn't looking, sir, I'd make you think I was him this minute, walking away with my back to you and saying : — "Come, sir, come. Why, don't (you see what that gentleman wants, sir?" It won't do now, though, or I'd show you how tho gentleman over there —a busines man and always in a hurry— comes to be shavon, or with my handkerchief ovor my head, I'd bo an old lady as natuial as life. I'm not boasting, bir ; it's the talent as was born with me, and no more my doing than my eyes are, or my nose. Yes, I'd imitate my master as to his motions on the violin until you'd think I wan the old signor himself. It was a pleasant place after all, and I w as sorry enough to part with him w hen he went oil to the continent ono day, and took a Frenchman along with him, as understood foreign languages ; but ho was very generous— paid me my wages and gave me a present be.>ide.>, and left me a lot of things; coats, hats, boots —ho was too much the dandy to wear out his old things —and a violin besidos, ono that ho thought nothing of, of course, though to my mind it was a deal liner than the old thing he thought so much of — a Straddlo arus, I think he called it ; but, leastw ays, it wa* something as sounded most uncommon like it. That shabby old thing he doted on, •« hatcver its name was. Well, I alw a} & thought it one's duty to take all that came honestly in one's way, and I found it was well I did in this case ; for love or money I could get no new place, and after I came to the end of my cash I began to sell my other things, and at last e\ cry coat and vest was pawned, and all I had loft was an old dress-coat of master's, a pair of white kid gloves, and my violin. I rolled the coat in a bundle, and the gloves I put in its pocket. I could pawn them if I could not sell him. The violin I hoped to get a little more for. After that, if luck didn't grow better, I meant to drown myself ! I did, indeed, sir. It was a winter night — the first one ef that set of concerts, you remember— as cold as Greenland. I know it, for I had no fire and not much food to warm me that day either. Well, I took my violin undor my arm, and I walked out into the street, as low rspirited as I ever was in my life, and not knowing at all w hat I ought to havo for my -violin, and it was a matter, you may say, of life or death to me, I thought I'd step into a big music store I passed, and ask one of the gentlemen there to tell me what it ought to fetch, and maybe give me a hint where I could sell it. I stepped in and went towards tho counter, and then bided my time, for there were two old gentlemen standing there, and it wasn't the place of one that was only going to ask a favour to step before a customer. And I listened to what they were saying, and I found they were in a peck of troubles. One of the gentlemen was the manager of the concerts you went to hear, and he'd just received word from one of tho violin players, or irom his fiiend, rather, to say he'd died an hour before. "And we have bad such careful rehearsals," said the old gentleman, not a bit sorry for the poor violinist, it seemed. " And whom we shall get to take his place I don't know. The concert commences in an hour." " Hang it," says the old gentleman, quito angry, " Ph'ilerini might have taken somo other time to die." Well, I'm quick at catching names. I knew all about the old gentleman, for I'd heaul my master, Signor StcfFcrstoffcri, talk of him, and all of a sudden a thought came into my head. I don't know what put it there, but in it poped. I walked up to the old gentleman and I made a boy, , and I said, " Mr Bags, I believe ?" And he said, "That's my name, sir." Says I then, "Sir, just an houi beforo the late Signor PJift'oiini died — feeling unwell, and knowing my abilities— ho made me promise that if lie wore taken ill I would take his place in your concerts. I need only say that Signor SbelFerstofFeri was my master, and of course I am anxious to oblige poor PfiHcrini, though I really had no idea I should be called on to do so when I promised him." I said this w itli all my master's shrugs and bows and aiis. And when I said ho was " my master," I meant thorn, to understand that he taught me music of course. Then they asked me if I had rehearsed the music, and I said "yes," ot course, laughing as if it was an absurd question, and then we went on to tho hall, and there J put on the dress coat and white gloves 1 had been going to pawn, and did my own hair in superior style. I never was so poor as not to have a comb in my pocket. And that evening: I played the violin in public for the first "time. I know I did it well, for I could &cc myself in the long glass down tho side of the proscenium boxes. It might have been my master, Signor Stcfferstofferi himself. After tho peiformancc the manager engaged me for the whole set of concerts, and the first violin player complimented me very highly ; said I was better than poor PfiiTerini, who never could keep hia pace j

and, without making a single sound, I flourished my bow until the concerts were over, and earned more money than I ever had earned in the same space of time in my life. But I was glad when it was over, for I was ill, and though, to be sure, it was de lightful to have the young ladioe looking at me through their opora-glasses, and to fool that 1 was making a figure before the first society, I'm quite content as I am. This is a very good place, and when Mr Bags came in to be shaved the other night ho said to me : " Do you know, young man, you are very like one of the best violinists I ever knew ?" And I said, "Indeed, sir; I'm proud to hear it." But I saw that he had no idea that I was the selfsame man, and of course 1 didn't enlighten him. Why should I, sir ? But since then I haven't been quite so much taken in by musical critics, sir. I've shaved and curled many of 'em ; and two at least, I know, sat paging at me while I played dummy fiddle, and nover guessed it. Have your moustache trimmed, sir ? Yes, sir. Thank you." — "Prizo Tit-bit."