MISCELLANOUS.

Te Aroha News, Volume I, Issue 11, 18 August 1883, Page 4

MISCELLANOUS.

It has long been a mystery to me how the missionaries were so prosperous who went out on small salaries, to places where a tiger and a cannibal were the pr3ncip.il inhabitant's. The other day I happened upon a little secret which went far to enlighten me. An enormous trade with savages is done, I find, in patent medicines, such as pills, blond purifiers, &c. Nearly every properly-accredited missionary is also an agent for somebody else's lotion. Directly a missionary gets among the savage-4 and heathen, hi* first task is to figure as a " medicine man," and administer a pill or a dose of something to any of the population who will eonßent to be experimented upon. Gradually the people are taught to have faith in tho wholesome remedies, and boxes of pills are exchanged fur produce. I heard of one missionary who made £1000 out of pills and ointment in a single year, and one big advertising firm in London hns over 500 missionaries on its books as agents. — " D.igonct " in the 1 Referee' Soap-bubble parties aro now the rage, co the fashion papers say. The " rage" comes in when the father of the family sits down to his evening smoke and finde his favorite pipe sodden with water, and his mouth full of soapand b.id language. Mr Hornburg, a clover mechanical engineer, of Launceston, Tasmania, is said to have invented an iron man who cau walk about automatically. Tho figuro, which is dressed like a footman, is sft lOin in height, and weighs IGOlbs. Its action arises from the power of a coiled spring concealed inside, and it can not only walk but grip and wheel a perambulator with great ease. A hanflome senorita went to one of tho best photographers in Madrid l.iteiy to have her picture taken. When tho posture i was all settled and the cloth was about to ! be drawn, the artist threw a last glance at hia subject and to his consternation found flhe was holding a pistol to her head. ' What are you doing V ho cried. ' You will not shoot yourself ; it would ruin my business ; besides, it would be wicked to mar so lovely a face.' ' Do not be afraid,' she replied. ' I have no thought; of spoiling the originil of one of your best pictures ; but my love has left me, and I'm going to send him my photograph in this posture, with tho message that I'll fire if he does not return to me.' A fow weeks after the photographer had the pleasure of taking the portraits of a young married pair — without tho pistol. The 'Hallelujah Lasses 1 of the Salvation Army at Home are said to be very cute, but they sometimes meet their match. Here is an example: — A ' navvy ' was standing at a street corner the other day,

enjoying his nine very heartily. A contingent of the Salvation Army, headed by a female brandishing an umbrella and walking with her face to the Army, as usual, came past. The female, noticing the excavator, ' wont for him/ and said*. 1 My good man, if God had wanted you to smoke he would have put a chimney at the top of your head.' The man in the moleskin made an answer : •My good woman, if God had wanted you to walk backwards he would have put your feet the other way J' The young woman resumed her march without another word. In a recent case at Sydney, Davis v. Harris, the iiiry awarded plaintiff damages of one farthing. In his crosq-examina-tion, Davis, who is a C.M.G., and an exCabinot Minister, made four attempts to correctly spell the word January, but failed each time ! But he was rich