MISCELLANOUS.

Te Aroha News, Issue 6, 14 July 1883, Page 3

MISCELLANOUS.

There was a company of gentlemen engaged in a little game of poker in a prominent gentleman's house one night lately. It grew late, and fears were expressed by the party that they were trespassing upon the kindness of the mistress of the house, who, by the way, was net present. , Not at all, gentlemen — not at all. Play as long as you please. lam Czar here/ said the master of the mansion. ' Yes, gentlemen, play as long as you please,' said a silvery voice, and all rose as the mistress [of the house stood before them. ' Play as long as you please, gentlemen 1 But as it is nearly one o'clock, the Czar is going to bed I' He went. The secrtary of an Indian gold mine, having sent an imperative demand to a certain Bhsreholder for the payment of a " call," raeieved the following reply : — i Dear Sir — I have your letter of this date and note that your directors propose to proceed against me. Your prospects stated that one of these objects of your company was to ' seek, win, and work gold in India and elsewhere.' Things not turning out well in India, your directors consider it their duty to seek, win, and work gold 1 elsewhere' — i. c., out of me. I can assure you, however, thatl am not in an auriferou * vein ; the only lode I possess is a lode of debt, and an a gold mine I shall be a failure. Your prospectus estimated a yield of loz. of gold per ton on 30,000 tons ot quartz crushed per annum — £10,50() per annum. You may 'crush' me, but you will find that I will not yield nearly so much. My person (which for the purpose of this calculations may be considered quartz) weighs, roughly speaking, lOstone, and if crushed immediately I estimate that it would yield as under , Gold nil .' silver, 3s; copper, 4£d. total. 3s s£d. ; deduct cobt of crushing, say £5 ss. The following encounter took place in the Adelaide Police Court between a lawyer and a hoary headed hanger-on of the footlights, who had been called as to theatrical management : — Counsel — ' You say you were in England as a theatrical manager in 1857 ?' Witness, drily — • Yes.' Counsel — ' When did you come out here?' Witness— ' 1857 ' Counsel, eagerly — ' Oh ! tht'n your English experience is of a bygone time, twenty-six years ago?' Witness — ' Ido not say so. 1 Counsel, wrathfully — 'Don't trifle or prevaricate Sir, you know what you said.' Witness, coolly— 'Yes, but I did not say I had not been home in 1877 and 1881.' Counsel, confused — ' What is your occupation now? What are you doing?' Witness, calmly and drily — ' Waiting for the verdict in thin case.' (Laughter.) Counsel, sneeringly — ' Oh ! and what do you predict the verdict will be?' Witness, quietly smiling — 'Well, as you are for the plaintiff, I should say judgment should go for the defendant.' Iron, of April 6, has the following :—: — " The possibilities of human invention are almost unlimited, and when, in the light of the improvements of the last half century we attempt to surmise what the next hundred years may bring forth, we are lost in the possibilities of what may be. When 1 the web press was introduced, which enabled our large dailies to dispense with hand feeding, and by stereotyping their formes and putting their paper up in webs to roll out their editions at the rate of 20,000 folded copies per hour, it was thought that the printers' millennium was near at hand ; but in the American Patent Office Gazette for Feb. 13, we find a patent issued to New York parties for a machine whereby the papers are wrapped' and addressed us they come from the press, and by an 'electrically connected switch,' which is automatically operated 'by the passage of a metallic stencil band,' sorted according to their postoffice addresses."