Page 3 Advertisements Column 4

Taihape Daily Times, 7 January 1918, Page 3

THE TABLETS OP TINHAT. DOINGS Or BIGBIL KING OF THE HUNS. (Being a continuation, of the ancient records dug up in Mesopotamia, which prove that there is nothing new under the sun —not even a Zep. raid.Editor.) Now Bigbil, King of the Huns that dwell beyond the river, spake thus unto them that stand in his presence, that have a place in the sun, and see with their own eyes the exceeding brightness of his glory; What wait we for? And they owed themselves to the earth and make answer unto him; 0 King, the Men of Brit, which is Blighty, have so compassed us round about that a forpun loaf cannot be bought for a shekel of sliver, nor a sausage that maketh the heart to yearn for a talent of gold. And the king looked sick at these words, and trembled sore, saying: Is there none in all the land who can do the dirty on these of Blighty, these sea-dogs, and make their hearts as water and their livers as the snow of whiteness? And Littail the Looter, the king's son, said: My father, is there not that aged man and hairy who hath made him a ship to sail the heavens and to float o'er the face of the firmament, even Zep. the Gasbagite and lb, dotli he not even now stand without thy door? And Bigbil said: Fetch him I pray thee with haste, and when he beheld the Hairy One, and the ship he had made, and the bulk thereof, even a thousand cubits and inhaled the gas thereof, there was no more strength left in him, and he said unto Zep the Gasbagite. Haste and get thee up into the high altitudes where you need dread naught, and drop a few surprise paekets on the Land of Blighty that all who drewll therein may know that I, Bigbil, King of the Huns, am The Goods, and there is none like me in all the earth.

'And Zcp the Gasbagito gat him up into the heavens he and all his fellow gasbagites and when even was come and the moon and the stars withheld their light they said one to another, Is not this the Land of Blighty? Come now, let us make it as though it had never been. And they dropt bombs. Gee-whiz! And it came to pass, that there were in the Land of Blighty even in Brit, certain that flew also, plane men and simple, who, notwithstanding knew a thing or two and never got the wind, up and they spake one with the other saying: Let us also go up and see if there be anything doing. And it was so that when they were still a great way off they heard the sound of the Gasbagites and thcy looped the loop for joy and said: Let's give it 'em 'ot. And they took of a subtle thing called Thermit which is very Hot Stuff and burnetii like a furnace heated unto seventy times seven, and they looped the loop once more and did the side-stroke, sending gifts unto the Gasbagites with their warmest love. And behold, the men of the chief city of Blighty, even Metrop, and the women and children thereof, gazing up to heaven, thought they did see a vision, for' the firmament became as a torch that burnetii exceeding high and great, and there fell from heaven as it were a river of fire, like unto Brock's Benefit, at the Kerristal Pallis. And the people of Metrop lifted up their voices and cried: How art thou fallen out of heaven. O Zcp, that slayest the babies and maketh, mothers to mourn! Lo, we will give they petrol tank to the pit and they screw to the British Museum, and we will make thy name a hissing, and thy contraption a dud, a thing dead and done with Yea, and Bigbil shall tear his hair and put on a second-hand uniform for sorrow; for though he take the wings of the midnight he shall not come nigh to them that dwell in Blight, the land beyond the narrow seas' which calleth sons from far and daughters from the hearthstone, and they say: Here am I, 0 Blighty, Motherland, Mighty, What wouldst thou have me to do? And thSy took up of the Gasbagites twelve truckloads. And Bigbil said: It is enough. Let us now think of something else. And it was so.

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