Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1068, 4 September 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

5II&9 Anne IZutledye will answer letters in this column every Thurs day An accomplished tenter, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted tor the taste. Those who have problems ana lack o confutante to help in their solution may with con fide nee write to Alias FZutledfje, whose knowledoe will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman . she will assist those who stand in need ol assistance Communications for Miss FZutledfje ahonia be addressed to THE SUN office.

THE PAST—AND THE FUTURE Dear Miss Rutledge,— j I was engaged to marry a man live years ago, who turned out to be some-, thing of a failure. When 1 broke my engagement, he went off and proposed to the first girl he knew (a pleasant, well-to-do young woman, who accepted him). After their marriage he settled down, and altlv/gh we never met, I heard that they were happy, and also that he was working hard. Incidentally, I also heard that he told mutual friends he would never forget what I had stood for in his life! Now, my problem is this: I have since met this man, sometimes by accident and sometimes by appointment, and he insists that he still cares for me, and tries to he very attentive. He has also called at my home, much to my mother’s disgust. He has two children, while I am lonely, and still fond of him. The situation is breaking my heart. What shall I do? HEARTSEASE.

.4 NS WE R If people steal material things they often go to gaol. Just mend your heart with a good dose of common sense as quickly as possible. Take a stand for all time that will preserve your dignity and self-respect. Your friend is married to another woman, and that is sufficient Just, as vou will burn your SSSToujWS A StreetY foupYy fast and loose with the marital affairs of other people. You are courting trouble that might bring tears and a so. ,iwful old age. The. wl >ole affair eeems to be -without rhyme or reason, and if yon persist in seeing this man don't be surprised, if ‘rouble oveirtal*es you. Find the right road while it is yet daylight. AXNB hotLEDGE. SEE FATHER AT ONCE! Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have been going out with a girl, and have come to care for her very much, as I believe she does for me. As is only natural, I have been keen to make her happy, hut the stumbling block is her father who refuses to allow her to go out with me, and on the only occasion I have met him, he was most cool in his attitude toward me Her mother, on the other hand, is most kind to me, and as she is confined to her bed most of the time, I often go and see her, and on each occasion she seems glad. The girl comes out with me only when her father is away on night work and she worries constantly about it, so 1 do not like to ask her under the circumstances. She is the only friend I have of either sex, so it is no wonder that I have become attached to her. Please advise me. PERPLEXED. ANSWER

Ask yourself. Are you going to improve the father’s opinion of y°u ’f >ou continue to court his daughter behind his back? There must be some reason for the opposition, and if you love the girl, your first duty to her is to find out just what it is all about. You should have a lover’s ardour and the courage of young manhood on your side. It is hard to conceive thoughts of failure where right should be might, and if I were in your shoes, r would not rest until I bad tracked the trouble to its lair. \V by not tackle “dad” with a healthy, yet respectful. challenge as to the reason for his dislike? A straightforward interview with him is the only light, way to clarify the situation. To go on in the way you ai'e doing will lead to more misunderstandANNE RUTLEDGE.

WORKING FOR OTHERS Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have to spend my life in serving a very humble calling among the poor and needy, the unhappy and oppressed, and I can tell you that the sufferings of humanity frequently have such a depressing influence upon me that I wonder if it is all worth while. What is the best thing to do, in your opinion, when things get one absolutely down? TRYING HARD. ANSWEJt Just as we find the smoke, grime and brickwork of a great city, with its noise, rush and fermenting mass of energy, overpowering and repulsive, so, in contrast, we leave ugliness behind for the gay, cheerful gardens of a healthful suburb. You may think, at times, that you are not getting anywhere and that daily events are shadowed by threatening clouds which shut out the sunshine of human joy. But such thoughts are just “weeds” in your own plot which rise up overnight. Weeding is not always a pleasant task, but time thus spent is repaid a hundredfold when the gardens are adorned with pretty scented flowers. Of course it takes time for seeds to germinate, but in the sowing of small things come the truest and most sincere preparations for the biggest undertakings, and the higher aims and trusts. Your mission should fill you with satisfaction, for the labourers in such a field are few, but the compensations unlimited. Try to remember the following words of Beecher: “There are persons so radiant, so genial, so kind, so pleasure-bearing, that you instinctively feel in their presence that they do you good: whose coming into a room is like the bringing of a lamp there.” ANNE RUTLEDGE. SHOULD HUSBANDS HELP? Do you believe in husbands helping out with the housework? My brother is married to one of those helpless girls who expects him to polish floors, clean windows, etc., and he seems to love to help her in this way. They get along splendidly, while in my own case, my husband won’t do a hand’s turn. He comes home and sits with his eyes glued to a book or newspaper, or strolls around casually with his hands in his pockets. This sort of thing irritates me so much and is “the rift within the lute” in our married life. I give my husband hints galore, but he does not take these. Can you give me any help? “0.P.” ANSWER T~take it. that, you arc a healthy young woman without a family and, if 1 am

right, think you will do well to compare your lot with that of others around you. So often we do not recognise our blessings until real misfortunes shackle our footsteps, and we often have to taste trouble to appreciate good fortune. In the words of Addison, “A contented mind is the greatest happiness a man or woman can enjoy in this life.” Jf your husband works hard during the day and unstintingly provides for you and the home, don’t, nag at him; for it is a game which two can play once dissension is in the air. Also, when nagging starts for little reason, love is hnrie.l —temporarily, at least. If you object to him strolling around with his hands in his pockets, perhaps it would he well to encourage him in any worthwhile hobby that interests him. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

TOO MUCH TO DO Dear Miss Rutledge,— l am getting very tired and disappointed with my married life. There is always a lot to do in the home, especially in looking after the children and my husband. He says sometimes that I am a wonderful success at running the home, but these compliments do not stir me, for L do not get much real pleasure, and am sick of being tied down so much, owing to the children (eldest, seven years) for we cannot afford a maid and my husband is saving for the future. Don’t you think* that a woman should get as much pleasure out of life as a man? DISAPPOINTED ANSWER

Of course it is quite right for a woman to enjoy herself ns much as her husband. but you must not overlook that happiness is a state of mind, and does not depend on how many plays or bridge parties you go to. or what frocks and hats vou can buy. There are always vicissitudes in life, and most of us have trying moments at one time or another. The happiest person is the one who can clieerfuly ride over the rough patches on the highway. Your attitude toward life, your ideals and ambitions, all determine to a great extent what pleasure you will experience. Some women are delighted and thrilled with their babies and children, and never mind being put to trouble if the little ones benefit. Most women feel a warm glow steal over them when a nicely-turned compliment comes from their husband. The joy of giving, not necessarily money, but your best in the way of service and co-operation, reflects more pleasure than the artificial “flutters” sometimes called good times. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

IN BRIEF ANSWER TO “MOTHER" The trouble with your little girl’s feet can be easily remedied if you consult it chiropodist, but 1 recommend you to do so without delay. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO M.R. Regard in* your inquiry nbout the linoIpu m polishing would be the best means of preserving it, although it might be advisable to secure a brand of polish recommended “by your grocer. ANN E RUTLEDGE. ANSWER T<> CONCERNED. EM. The following remedy is most effective in cases where the hair is thin and falling out. Take one dessertspoon of common salt (not table salt) and add four dessertspoons of brandy. Put in a bottle and shake for four minutes, then pour off the clear liquid after a couple of hours. Massage with the linger tips into the roots of hair twice a week before ANNE RUTLEDGE.