FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1039, 1 August 1930, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By -THE LOOK-OUT MAN." LIFE'S IRONIES A wary peep from the blanket nest, A baleful glance at the clock, A shuddering leap from the place of rest, And the faucet’s icy shock. . . . These are the Fates to which we bo'.v Each Zero Hour in Auckland now. But after we shiver our laggard way To train or ferry or train, And idly glance at the news display As we whistle a flat refrain, We’re told in a, staid and superior way, That “There’s 'Spring in the air,’* and “It’s warmer today”! M.E. * * ♦ LATE DELIVERY Despite the care that is taken by every nation to make its postal system "fool proof," mistakes will happen. Therefore, it is not particularly surprising Uiat the destruction of a pillar box by a Parisian motor-lorry has brought to light many letters posted years ago and never collected. Doubtless. the French officials will be forgiven by the people concerned, most of whom will have forgotten the very nature of their epistles, but a strong protest should be lodged against that well-intentioned but tactless business of forwarding old letters on to surviving addressees. Take, for example, the medical student who, in 1905, wrote a postcard making an appointment with “a lady in the Latin Quarter.” Probably this man made porridge of his wild oats 20 years ago. and is now married and the father of a grown-up family. What will his wife say when she learns that a compromising postcard from him has been received by a somewhat passe female in the Latin Quarter? Echo answers “I'm sure I don’t know?" * * * AND CHEAP WINE

Then there is the episode of the wine order. The motor-lorry’s wild career revealed a card containing instructions to merchants for the delivery of wine at a certain household. To be sure, the value of the wiue lias since risen by 1,000 per cent., but the firm might consider it good business to return the card to the sender and inquire whether he happened to be still thirsty. In the event of this, what is to happen to the poor fellow’s reputation if, in the meantime, he has become a leader of the prohibition movement —a man, as the valedictory notices put it, “esteemed and respected throughout the entire community”? Again echo doesn’t know This trick of messing about with letters that should have been read, burned and forgotten two decades ago, is dangerous. If it is not forbidden and the practice grows, amorous swains who favour a postal cupid will learn to disagree strongly with the assertion that “ ’Tis better to have loved and ’lost’ than never to have loved at all." *■ * . PILLOW CONTROL It has been announced "upon the soundest authority" that the hirepillow service of the Railway Department has shown a profit of £9OO for the year, and, because of this, the department is now contemplating the appointment of a supervisor of the pillow department. But why stop at a supervisor? If this windfall is to be dissipated In the proper and traditional fashion, the first appointment should bo that of Minister of Pillows. Then, of course, a secretary for the Department of Pillows, an undersecretary, and a group of pillow inspectors for the purpose of checking the pillow reactions of passengers and the wear and tear on stocks (regulation 356 A). This should be followed by the formation of a flock division, a cover office, a pillow-slip branch, a sewing supervisor, a starch control boatjd, a comptroller of the pillow laundry, and a pillow ticket depot. Finally, the organisation would be incomplete without a pillow supplies purchase committee, and a Royal Commission for the investigation of pillow problems. If, after all this, a profit persists in showing up, the Government could purchase a motorship for the importation of pillow materials. That would settle it. BOUNCING SHELLFISH The old story of the hen which sat for days on a golf ball has been brought up-to-date by Milford seagulls, which have formed the habit of mistaking golf balls for shellfish. After stealing a ball from the links, they attempt to smash it on the rocks, but the strange fish merely bounces If seagulls are addicted to teUing fish stories at home (which is not at all unlikely), these Milford golf balls will provide them with some beauties. ■lmagine this sort of thing: “And with"out a word of a lie, you birds, I dropped the cockle on the rocks to break it and it sprang up at me. I grabbed it and it sprang up again. Finally it got away and swam down through the kelp. It was a wonderful cockle, too. It was as big as my head and as round as -the full moon But It got away . . .” And the birds would shake their heads and cough and murmur: “Too bad, too bad." But when the narrator had flapped away, they would have a drink and slap their legs and say: “Jumping sprats', but that fellow IS a liar!"