THE BUDGET BUSINESS

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1038, 31 July 1930, Page 10

THE BUDGET BUSINESS

® " vpHL nrst shriek of indignaticn the Budget proposals having died away, there will doubtless be many people who will pause m the midst of their preparations for suicide to ponder on the whys and v herefores of Budgets generally. The word "Budget” comes from the archaic Sanscrit "Bodge it” or "Botch it,” meaning to muck things np generally. There is another school of thought which favours the bypoiesis that the word is a compound c< the two Anglo-Saxon words. "Budge'' acti “It.” meaning to shift or move something. In the vernacular of the period this would be freely translated by the phrase, "Something's got to give somewhere!” “But,” you will say, with a touch of awe in your voice, “Where on earth does the Government get its ideas from? How on earth can „ think of all the extra taxes and things? The answer to that is quite simple. It doesn't. Budgeting is a very serious and complicated business and no Govern- - ment can reasonably be expected to handle such a thing by itself. Ton will quite see that. What really happens is this: Somebody thoughtlessly insults a politician. Calls him silly, or so untiling like that, perhaps. Very well, then. Cut to the quick, naturally th. poor fellow broods and broods, and at last goes weeping to the Prime Minister and tells him all about iL “There, there,” says the Prime Minister, “you poor thing! I know what we’ll do—i re'll Budget them!" Then his brow darkens and his eyes flash as he look proudly around. "I*ll show them,” he adds grimly, "that I'm not called 'Prime' for nothing!” Thereupon the politician stops crying. smiles through his tears, impulsively kisses the Prime Minister's hand, then curtseying and laughing shyly, skips happily off and Joins in the airless prattle of his merry little friends. The Prime Minister’s next move is to get into touch with a Professional Tax Designer and Budgeteer. This he can do in two ways. He can either cable direct to an expert and put the whole case in his hands, or he can advertise. Something on these lines: NOTICE TO BUDGETEEBS Tenders are invited for the Complete Budgeting of New Zealand. Estimates to be delivered sealed at the Government Depot before noon. July the umpteenth. Highest or any tender not necessarily accented. Weil, the next thing is that the successful Budgeteer is ushered in to the Prime Minister. want you." says the P.M"thoroughly to budget everybody.” The Budgeteer beams and rubs his

hauw .ogeifltr. “What nave ther got?” he asks. “A few clothes to their backs ” begins the P-M----doubtfully. The Budgeteer purses his lips and thinks this over, then shakes his head. “Wouldn’t do/' he says. 44 Wouldn’t do. The Ethics, you know . - .** Then he digs the P.M. in the ribs and chuckles fatly. “Well, well/’ he says. “Leave it to me—l*ll fix ’em!’ The Budgeteer than goes away to a dark room and invokes devils. The rest is simple. He comes cot. and securing a dictionary and a sheaf of papers, he writes down every likely noun beginning with A, thus: Aaron Abdomen Aberration Ablution Abode Accident Accord'on. And so on. When he finishes the A s he proceeds with the B’s and Cs right through the dictionary. Everything on the list is then taxed. If it is already taxed, he super-taxes it- . And now mark the devilish cunning of the man. In order to avoid any accusation that he has taxed everything, he goon back through his list and invent* a word which it not to he taxed. You get the scheme? No one car. contradict him. because no one knows what his word means. The new list would then run this — .Va runs—Taxable. Abdomens—Taxable. Aberrations —Taxable. Ablution:*—Highly Taxable. Abodes—Super-Taxable. Accidents—Taxable. Accordions —TaxabK. AGAR-AGAR —TAX FREE. And so forth. The list is banded to the Prime Minister. The Budgetee gets his fee. The Politician gets his revenge. And the Taxpayer gets it in the neck. And there you are.