Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 1026, 17 July 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

By Anne Rentledge

All se Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thurs day An accomplished writer an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she <6 well fitted tor the taslc Those who have problems ana tack o confidante to help In their solution may with confidence write to Mist Rutledge whose knowledge will bf placed at their disposal A sym pathetio woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assist once Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed tc THE SHN office

MOTHERS-IN-LAW, NOTE!

Dear Miss Rutledge,— My son is going to marry a girl who is far too modern. She wears very little clothing, talks like a man and drinks anything that is going. Her only redeeming feature appears to be the fact that she earns her own living. My boy vows that he loves her, and nothing that I say will alter the position. Must I eventually receive this girl as my daughter-in-law? DISTRACTED. ■'ANSWER To begin with, it would appear that unless you feel disposed to allow your son to work out his own salvation, you might have no alternative but to receive the lady in question. Oh, for a balm to temper the constant waging of war between mothers and prospective daughters-ir-law! Naturally, you have good cause for opposition but to continue openly to display your opinion obviously adds fuel to the flame. Such a policy might lead to your son’s expressing resentment which would only aggravate the position. I suggest that you visualise this girl with different lenses, with the object of ascertaining her good qualities. Personally, I think when a woman drinks and smokes in masculine fashion, it robs her of dignity, and rubs the bloom off the flower of youth. When acting and dressing in mannish, fashion, a girl usually pays a high price in the long run for her discarded femininity. Yet, this girl you write of is self-supporting. She apparently doesn’t lie around reading trashy novels all day, sponging on her father and mother or complaining because fate decrees that she shall sell Parisian millinery instead of wearing it. Although she seems to be dwelling in the superficial realm of life, she is no parasite; therefore. I say, look deeper, and you will behold more of her redeeming features. Surely, too, with all her faults, her caprices and complexities, she is igt altogether to blame for abbreviated skirts, etc. Just as rapidly as this fashion attacked the feminine species like an epidemic, .so It is already on the wane, and long skirts promise to be just as ’•catching” from a masculine point of view. Women are getting tired of discarding their clothes, and they know that men are tired, too, of watching the process. They are also aware that “variety is the spice of life” and the very variableness of their “make-up” intrigues the male. It has taken many centuries of mental agility and subtlety on the part of woman to make man practically her slave, and the symptoms are not pleasant, even now, to diagnose. JSowever, my message to every prospective mother-in-law is to be tolerant, and to try with sympathetic understanding to lessen me struggle between the younger and older generation find thus round the corners of opposition with a determination to gather in the fruits of good purpose when the harvest looks most promising. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

THIRD PARTY RISK Dear Miss Rutledge,— My dearest friend is about to marry a very decent sort of man, and wants me to go and live with them, as for years we have been such close friends, and she now feels that I shall be lonely. lam wondering if it is wise. What do you think? REGRETFUL. ANSWER Even if she were your sister, I would recommend you not to accept the invitation. Nobody is free from idiosyncrasies, and you might just as well, expect to square a circle as hope to live with newlyweds without, sdoner or later, unwittingly causing trouble. Very few husbands care to share their wives even with the very best of friends, and after you had been living with your friends for a while, this one might quite likely experience the reaction and feel that he wanted his wife to himself, with more privacy at meal times. I can quite understand your sentiments, but advise yoti to fight that lonely feeling, and make a home with unattached people if possible. By all means visit your friends occasionally, but always try to let them know when you are arriving, and so maintain your position as a welcome visitor instead of running the risk of dulled appreciation of your personality and friendship by the familiarity of ever-presence. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

GOOD CONVERSATION Dear Miss Rutledge,— " How can I make conversation with a person I have just met, and be interesting? This is quite hard for me to do when in lively company, and as a result I am frequently embarrassed. LOUISE. ANSWER Bo natural and study your company. It takes all kinds and types to make this world of ours, so don’t feel embarrassed if ydu are mostly the silent party i:n the crowd. Somebody has got to be a listener, and an appreciative audience is a source of gratitude to the one “holding the floor.” Develop a sense of feminine dignity, and at the same time be cheerily alert. Try to discover the pet subjects of your friends, and by a tactful display of interest yon will soon find yourself ns much sought after as the most brilliant conversationalist. Get the happy knack of amiability, and encourage people to talk to you of their sorrows as well as their joys, remembering that very true saying that “honey catches more flies than vinegar.” With reasonable tact and responsiveness, you should be well liked in your circle. A cheery greeting and a happy note in •saying good-bye often makes a better impression than a lot of small talk, which may run into hours. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HE WRITES AFFECTIONATELY Dear Miss Rutledge,— 1 have a problem which I would like you to solve for me. I am 26 years of age, and I have had lots of admirers, but none of them seemed suitable to marry. I was engaged for nearly two years, when I broke it off because we seemed to clash. About three months ago, when I was on holiday, I met a young man boarding at the same house. We became friendly, and we have corresponded a good deal since I came home. He wrote first, and I have always answered his letters just 111 a friendly fashion, although his have been like love letters. Once when I wrote, I asked him if he meant all the sweet things he put in the letters, and he replied that he meant them all. I do not be-

lieve in encouraging a man for nothing, aiul I do not think that it is any good our corresponding only as friends, but would like your opinion. My friend is 34 years of age, and follows farming interests. I live on a farm, too, so we have something in common. G.T. ANSWER. In analysing your problem. I feel a doubt that you are as much in love with the man about whom you write as is really necessary for two people who' are seriously contemplating matrimony. Thoreau wrote, “If men would steadily observe realities only, and not allow themselves to be deluded, life would be like a fairy tale,” and there is much food for thought in this aphorism. We so often avoid vital truths and shelter behind a certain desire to gratify some long unfulfilled dream, but there is no shelter, no lasting roof over our heads unless we have the courage squarely to face the big issues of life. So, my friend, if you both truly love one another, look at life with your eyes open, seek wisdom and do not fool or fiddle with love, or allow any consideration to override one of the universal principles of life which is infinitely greater than our limited human understanding. If you love your friend, by all means open your heart to him. If not, and he loves you, do not play w<tli fire. ANNE RUTLEDGE. “HER LITTLE SIX . . .” Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am 36, and have been married to my present wife for three years. I was a widower with two small child ren previously, and she was a widow with six children. Life is not as pleasant as it might be because of all the yougsters. My wife puts hers first in everything* and the house is constantly in an uproar owing to the bickering and quarrelling that goes on between the two families. One of these days I know that I shall do something desperate enough to land me in gaol, if I have to put up with much more of it. Can you offer any advice? G.L. ANSWER I should think that gaol would seem a quiet, comfortable homo after the kind of endurance test you describe. It would certainly seem to offer refuge from the storms and pitfalls of this cruel world. Brace up, brother' If your wife is a good housekeeper, and treats your little ones decently, there Is much to be ‘hankful for. A little courage, tact, and ■>atience over this difficult period may v ork wonders, especially if you can win 'our wife’s co-operation. Why not have a chat with her on the principle of “give and take”? Perhaps she has relatives who might help her with some of her little ones, and thus relieve the tension of your responsibilities. If you really love your wife, I think that you should exploit any possible avenue to lessen the burden. At the same time, the children have a right to a home, and parental influence,, and this should not altogether be denied them. ANNE RUTLEDGE. PILLOWS Dear Miss Rutledge,— Some years ago an old nurse told me that it was a very good thing to sleep without a pillow. Now that I have a family of small children, I am training them to do this, and wonder if it is quite right, as most of my friends think it is just a fad. Can you tell me if I am right or wrong? DOROTHY. ANSWER Sleeping without a pillow Is especially beneficial to young children. They sleep better, and their bodies are more rested. Adults do not take kindly to the habit unless always accustomed to sleep on the back. In this case a pillow should always be discarded. ANNE RUTLEDGE. ANSWER TO Ij. Massage the scalp with equal parts of olive and castor oil (warm), and allow to remain for a few hours. Wash the head with a gdod Castille soap, and to the second rinsing water—which should be lukewarm—acid the beaten yolk of an egg. Rub this into the hair and scalp thoroughly, then wash out with lukewarm water. Rinse the head in water to which a teaspoonful of lemon juice has been added. The' after-effects of this shampoo are most satisfactory. ANNE RUTLEDGE.