FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 967, 9 May 1930, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By

“THE LOOK-OUT MAN.”

WIRELESS WONDERS

“A business man in Sydney today had an informative chat on the latest fashions with his wife in Paris.” —- Cable.

They chatted not of friends abroad, Nor yet of stocks ancl shares; No sentimental whispers soared Amid their, “Are you theres?” He did not murmur throatiiy: “I miss you, darling Clarice.” Instead they talked of lingerie As bought and sold in Paris. She told him how the skirts are worn, Some full, some long, some trailing. (She knew her husband's weaknesses, - And pandered to his failing) And thus across the realms of space The wild waves bore his yodels When told how quaintly trimmed with lace Are recent Paris models. And yet, methinks he must have been Pathetic in his blindness, Or else for certain he’d have seen The motive of her kindness. Most husbands on such discourse put A pretty strict embargo. To talk of fashions is to court A bill for quite a cargo 1 * " «= * IMPOUNDING SPEEDSTERS Rotorua has a novel way of dealing with speedsters, if what a contemporary has to say is correct. L.O.M. suggests, however, that a revival of the stocks might be even more efficacious than the pound. This is what the paper says: The traffic inspector, Mr. D. 'M. Ford, had a particularly recalcitrant breaker of the by-laws to deal with this morning. .- He was speeding along Fenton Street to the danger of the traffic. The inspector spotted him and gave chase, but he refused to stop when overtaken. Wiyr the aid of an onlooker, he was eventually persuaded to enter the pound, where ho will be enabled to meditate on things in general and traffic inspectors in particular. WORKS OF ART Jean Charles Millet, who has been arrested and will be charged with putting false signatures to works of art, is also to be charged with forging cheques. Without straining things, however, the two charges might well be lumped together. It has been stated as an acceptable principle that the words, “Enclosed find cheque,” are among the sweetest ever written. By the same criterion a cheque for a good round sum is as much a work of art as any Titian or Velesquez, and the crime of attaching a fraudulent signature is as reprehensible in the one case as in the other. THE BRIGHT LIGHTS Observant citizens may have noticed that the City is becoming more iuminous. Where one sky sign or illuminated shopfront flamed six mouths ago, three or four flame now. This is partly due to a new vogue in lighting. Even the business signs of country petrol stations are now picked out in red and blue, and may be distinguished from afar. In the City the peculiar hectic glare is becoming so pronounced that soon the stranger will suspect the business quarter to be alight from end to end. Sky signs of themselves are an excellent innovation. They make dear old Queen Street more like Picadilly and Broadway every day; but the experts who arrange these things would be doing us a favour if they selected some new colours, say green or purple, for a change. STRUCK OFF To ways of concluding political careers, add the words, “By effluxion of time,” which is appended to the records of many Legislative Councillors. “Absent without leave from two consecutive sessions” is the epitaph to the legislative service of the Hon. Thomas Houghton Bartley, of Auckland, a former Speaker of the Legislative Council. The Hon. Alfred Domett, better known as a poet and friend of poets (“What’s become of Waring” was written of him by Browning) closed his political career in the same manner. The Hon. F. D. Fenton, of Auckland, was disqualified through holding the office of Chief Judge of the Native Land Court. Among members of the Lower House, several were at different times unseated for breaches of the electoral law, but there is no record of any man having been expelled from either House for an actual criminal offence. SUREST OF CURES The Rajah of Bhong.—“Dear L.O.M. I’ve made a discovery which you and your readers should know about —the cure of the evil of the one gramophone record played by the people next door. It is quite the simplest thing. By it, I have been responsible for peace in our block of flats by quashing the monotonous moanings of (1) “The Blue Danube.” and (2) “The Skaters’ Waltz.” All you have to do, if you try my system, is to buy the offending record, though it is against your principles to encourage the sales, and play it about twice as often as the people next door do. Midnight and 7 a.m. are highly suitable times for playing. I find that a week is usually sufficient to discourage your rivals. They falter within two days, are obviously distraught within four, and are certain to be entirely crushed within the week.”