Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 955, 24 April 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

By I u

Anme Rutledge

Alisa Anna Rutledge trill answer letters In this column every Thursday Jn accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is well fitted tor the task. Those who have problems and lac/c o confidante to help in their solution r ay 0:1th confidence write to Miss Rutledge whose knowledge trill be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist chose who stand in need of assistance Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office. WE TWA Dear Miss Rutledge,— We have read o£ your advice to others and we want you to help us. M e are two girls 17 years old, just the age when We ought to be enjoying life. Boys don't seem to like us—more especially me. As for my friend, the boys take her out until they get to know her, and then they depart. They don't even bother to get to know me at all. Don't think we want them ail to chase after us. We don’t. We never go out with young men unless we know them. We don’t want trouble and we are not asking for it, hut the question is: are we too careful? One should be careful, but are we too exacting? Please try to help us. WHAT’S WRONG. -1-V.S irt't' The world is poorer today because r>f th*» many people who “hide their lig-nt under a bushel.” Most of us underestimate our powers, and remain unaware of our ability until put to the test. v\ hat you both appear to lack is personality : the magnet that attracts and holds in all walks of life. To all young people wishing to make th*> most of themselves, and their opportunities. I would recommend a delightful by Hawthorne about a little boy railed Daffydowndiily, who loved to do °nly what was beautiful and agreeable, and who took no pleasure in labour of any kind, and always avoided his schoolmaster, Mr. Toll. Now it must be acknowledged that if we want results in any undertaking in life, be it popularity, success with the opposite sex, a more attractive personality, and so forth, we must be prepared to take ourselves to task and find out what is wanting. More often than not, lack of interest is the fault, and. like Daffy, we avoid the acquaintanceship of Mr. Toil. There is no escape from this severe-visaged, but worthy old schoolmaster, for he appears under every kind of guise. Therefore, I recommend you both to study sufficiently to become well-read, and thus develop real enthusiasm in your respective hobbies and interests. Incidentally, you will become bright conversationalists, especially if you learn how to school the attractions already yours, and allow them to blossom. It is n wise plan to do much of your own hewing even though Providence helps to shape the ends. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

TRAINING FOR PARENTHOOD

Dear Miss Rutledge,— Do you think that the average parent is intelligent enough to rear children properly? I am an old bachelor myself, but I know various groups of young married people with small families which are hopelessly spoilt, or constantly nagged at from morning till night. It seems a great pity that the kiddies are not given a better chance, and as some of the mothers of my acquaintance read your column in The Sun, I’d feel obliged if you would voice an opinion on the subject. OLD HUMBUG. ANSWER. Most parents undoubtedly have sufficient intelligence, but it may not be properly applied or trained. Their ''job'’ is perhaps taken far too casually, and t undamentally some of them should not be parents, inasmuch as they are totally unsuited for such a vocation, for vocation it is when all it cut anil dried. The “greatness is thrust upon them,” and sad to relate is undertaken often without any previous training or instruction. Getting to the heart of the problem, one may well ask what constitutes a good parent. There is only one way to such an end. and that is by example. No power is greater than love, and this is very necessary when dealing rtith children. Patience, too, must have her perfect work, and any sham display of sanctimonious virtues will be short-lived because of their very falsity. The reality of love, deep and abiding, reciprocated, .ind radiated by the parents, will rightly inspire the child, but this can only be fully expressed if the parents appreciate spiritual truths apart from things temporal. Common sense and sympathetic understanding are necessary, as well as the development of youthful minds by a fair amount of respect and regard for their individuality. Personality, too, is of major importance, for a fine character and personal charm automatically removes all the drabness from every-day affairs. In good training, happiness lies: making one “healthy, wealthy and Nothing can alter the fact that children are instinctively looking out upon their little world with eyes and ears decidedly alert, and brains that develop in a marvellous way. The following story may convey more clearly what I mean. A little girl, when taken to a circus, behaved very badly, and her mother, thinking to reprove her, compared her manners with those of the dogs, ponies and monkeys. She pointed out that they obeyed implicitly, and pretended not to understand why her little girl, who knew so much more than the animals, should disobey. The small daughter, after thinking for a while, replied that she might easily behave as well as the circus unimals, had she been as beautifully trained. if all parents would only give children half the < are that owners give to racehorses and pedigree cattle, what a wonderful investment it would be for both family and nation. Unquestionably there Is greatness and perfection in store for future generations, for we are progressing surely, step by step. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

HE OILS HIS HAIR

I Dear Miss Rutledge,— ) I have been rather worried lately | so I have taken the liberty of writing to you for advice. I am an office girl, working in a big office in the city, and I have fallen in love with one of the young men in the office. The love is quite mutual, but he is very sensitive. One of my troubles is this: He uses a terrible lot of coconut oil on his hair and this upsets me every time he comes near me. It makes ii awkward for both of us. He is a bit old fashioned in his ideas too, and in his way of dress, whereas I am essentially modern. Would you please advise me what to do, remembering that he is such a I sensitive person? DOUBTFUL. ANSWER If your friendship and affection will not bear the test of frankness and honesty, surely it is hardly worth while proceeding with the affair. “All men cannot be the best, but every man can be his best,” and it is up to you to bring out this “best” in your friend. His mode of dressing and the use of oil on the hair may be a very serious drawback to his career, apart from your feelings in the matter. Apply yourself to the task of putting his house in order and I think you will feel well repaid by the changes that are bound to occur. Draw the young man’s attention to the mode of dress and general deportment of successful men you both know. Make comparisons with other less successful men. Allow your opinions to sink in, : then let the subject drop for a few weeks. If you are alert and essentially modern another opportunity to carry on the good work will soon present itself. You ■ cannot expect to be happy unless you begin as you mean to go on, and to think of marriage with storm clouds already :on the horizon, you are asking for - trouble. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HONEY i Dear Miss Rutledge,— Do you advise me to give my cliildj rean honey to take the place of sugar, whenever possible, with their meals? ; MOTHER. ■ ANSWER. ' To quote an authority on food values: | Honey is an excellent food for children. It is nutritious and may be eaten with impunity when taken with bread. Being | a laxative, persons of sedentary lives may ; use it to advantage. It is hardly possible to eat it to an injurious extent, inasmuch as it acts as an aid to digestion. ' Being, also, an extract of blossoms, it is, when pure, the daintiest and most delicious of sweets. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE GIFT I Dear Miss Rutledge,— There is a certain girl whom I have known for a long time, and whom I like very much. I had not seen her for a considerable time, but chanced to meet her again at a seaside resort. Our friendship developed considerably, until she went back to boardingschool. I wrote her a letter, not knowing it she would answer it, but she did, much to my surprise. Time passed, and we declared our love for each other. Her birthday is approaching, and I want to give her ,a present, though she is . still at school. Tell me, is it right for her to accept it? Her age is about 16 or 17 years, and I am 21 years old. She has told me that she is leaving school this year. Do you think that I should wait for her until she is older or give her up, although I love her very much? “NOT SURE.” ANSWER. I advise you to continue the friendship ’ along happy, pleasant lines, without any thought of seriousness as you are both far too young and have much to learn. By all means give the girl a small birthday present, but be sure it is unpretentious and just a "thought.” ANNE RUTLEDGE.