OLD SAM‘S ALMANACK

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 949, 16 April 1930, Page 10

OLD SAM‘S ALMANACK

Amonri the forecasts ... the £ a rl of Birkenhead's astonishing book, “The World in 2030," xchich has just been published arc: — One week s ro j k ottd three week s* leisure, unlimited motive power, stereoscopic colours teleiHsion, disease practical!}/ abolished, ectogenetic birth oi children and synthetic food. —Cable Itevn.

I X7VERY now and then Sam has a spasm of prophecy. Often it I comes to him just before a race meeting and lie’s always wrong. On the other hand, whenever he supposes that I wouldn't, perhaps, lend him sixpence till Friday ("not a second longer, old boy”), lie is invariably right. In both cases, he affirms that his clairvoyance has done nothing for him except to strengthen his views on the degeneracy of human nature. It was not until recently, however, that Sam commenced to dabble in occultism, astrological surveys, horoscopes, the Kabala of Numbers, HocusPocus, Mumbo-Jumbo and such like Black Magic and Devilish Arts, but oven so, his researches into the future l ave produced some really extraordinary results. Sam was undoubtedly interested when he read of the Earl of Birkenhead’s predictions, but his principal curiosity was concerning the Earl's technique. As a rival practitioner, Sam says he wonders if the Earl prefers to go into a trance, and to prophesy between intervals of mouth-foaming and epileptic contortions, or whether he prefers the neater but perhaps less spectacular means of palmistry and planchette. Sam’s own leanings are toward the Astrological and Kabalistic methods, but he advocates washing the hands carefully with carbolic after each spell, as he once got an incantation mixed with the trace of a previous exorcism which must have tainted his lingers because when he invoked Merlin he got Bluebeard instead, and there was a painful scene before Sam finally persuaded the old man to accept his apologies and explanations, and go away quietly.

However, with the aid of Old Mother Shipton. Old Moore, Old Dutch, and a half-bottle of Old Scotch Sam has evolved enough signs, omens and predictions to last for the next two or three centuries, most of which will be published shortly in the popular Almanack form by Messrs. Drizz’.e and Sneeve at Is net, or post free Is 6d. A point worthy of note is that previous soothsayers and astrologers have based their calculations on the assumption that eight planets only existed, that is, Mercury, Venus, Earth. Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. The recent discovery of a ninth planet—Percival, or Percy—obviously throws all previous prophetic calculations out of gear, and since Sam has taken into consideration all the mani- # . festations and influences of this planet, either malevolent or benevolent, it will be seen that his forecasts must of necessity be by far the most accurate. Here are some thrilling extracts trom his Almanack for the year 2030: From the approach of the planet Saturn to the rising planets-Neptune ana Mercury, and the Quadrature of the moon through the constellations of Ursa Major and Smith Minor, it is clear that many things will happen between now and 2030. Combining this with the fact that the sun leave* Scorpio, the moon leaves Capricorn and Venus leaves Jupiter and walks off in conjunction with Percy, closely followed by Mars, it is obvious that most of the occurrences that will happen will be of a troublesome nature. Synthetic food made in laboratories w T ill be the usual comestible, and synthetic beer, made of grass, will also be invented. This will be followed by a violent upheaval in the working classes.

Sam sees a live-hour working week fthe wish being father to the thought), free beer (he sees this again), the winner of the Great Northern Oaks he will post this secretly to any address). the return of the crinoline, a revival of the popularity of the aspidistra, a recrudescence of dog racing (w r ith live hares and mechanical greyhounds); he visualises the utter extermination of the landlord of the Sow and Thistle and sees, again, free beer for the masses. But to go on further w ould spoil story for you. Order your copy now, and refuse at* spurious imitations!