Time EXPOSURE

Sun (Auckland), Volume IV, Issue 938, 3 April 1930, Page 10

Time EXPOSURE

the serried ranks of risks that the unsuspecting citizen is nowadays called upon to face without even the moral aid of an insurance policy, it would, at first sight, appear that a new danger is presenting itself. On the face of it. it seems that at any moment one is liable to be Publicly Denounced for some happening which might, or might not, have occurred at any time previous to 10 or 15 years ago. One can hardly open the daily papers without reading that somebody or other has been violently attacked, usually through the medium of an article to the Press, and almost invariably by some erstwhile friend or colleague of the victim. And now cbmes the news that General Ludendorff has exposed President Hindenburg. Ludendorff, according to the paragraph, accuses his former comrade in arms of having destroyed that for which he fought as a field-marshal by agreeing to the Young Reparation Plan. He declares that he has forfeited the right to carry his field-grey uniform, or to take it with him to the grave. “It was not until 1927,” says Ludendorff, “that I gained a clear insight into the happenings of November 9, 191 S. It was then I saw Hindenburg in his true light.” Curiously enough, one almost never finds that these denunciations aro from the pen of an enemy, and equally odd is the fact that seldom does the victim take any particularly hostile action against his defamer. This peculiarity has led me to a slightly different conclusion. After mature deliberation I now hold to the opinion that the world is indulging in a new game, and one which is destined to grow rapidly in popular favour. The rules are simple. Think of an old friend, colleague, relation or anyone with whom you might care to play. The next move is to write a slashing, libellous, and completely defamatory article against him, and without giving him the slightest warning, get it published in the Press. You then await results. The scoring is straightforward. If your victim, goaded to madness, comes and shoots you, you score 50 points or Grand Slam.

To be gaoled for libel gives you 25 points, a heavy fine counts 15 points in, and a public thrashing allows you 10 points. Lesser scores are a public refutation by your victim, 5 points to you, a mild protest counts 1 point, and if he takes no notice whatever wins the game and rubber. In order further to popularise this fascinating pastime by undertaking to relieve clients of certain necessarily tedious details involved in the execution of the game, I am happy to announce that I have formed the “Minhinnick Defamation, Libel and Exposure Agency, Ltd.” Clients merely give us their victim’s names, and the general line of accusations to be followed, and we do the rest. Today’s Exposures run as follow: Rear-Admiral Bilge desires to publicly unmask Admiral Hawsepipe and has pleasure in recalling that during the Battle of Jutland Admiral Hawsepipe showed cowardice, lack of initiative and apathy toward tha enemy and openly expressed a contempt for the lives of his men. “I have just remembered,” says Admiral Bilge, “the fact that during the battle Admiral Hawsepipe had indigestion so badly that he told me that he didn’t of the

Admiral Bilge declares that by saying this Admiral Hawsepipe has forfeited the right to wear his cocked hat and epaulettes in bed at night. Colonel Blarstyer denounces and exposes General Newsance and asserts that he has just realised what a bore General Newsance was in 1899. Colonel Blarstyer says that during the South African War General Newsance fiddled and diddled and hummed and hawed and mucked about and made an ass of himself, thereby forfeiting the right to wear his cavalry spurs in the bath. Sam hereby holds Lance-Corporal Saphead up for public scorn, ridicule and contumely. Sam says that Lance-Corporal Saphead deliberately prolonged the duration of the Great War by about four years. “When war was declared,” says' Sam, “I volunteered to go over and capture the Kaiser. Lance-Corporal Saphead refused to give me a pass out of barracks, and put me on to fatigue duty. Whatever I wanted to do, that man told me I musn’t. He was a fair cow.” A pretty set of allegations concerning two clergymen, a bandmaster anfl a circus trapeze artist are now in preparation. All commissions should be addressed Minhinnick, The SunAll codes used.