Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 926, 20 March 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

By

Miss Anne Rutledge will answer letters m this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer , an ardent feminist, a student of human nature at.d a wide traveller she is well fitted for the task,. Those who have problems and lack o confidante to help t,» their solution may with confidence write tc Miss Rutledge, whose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A syni pothetio woman, she will assist those who stand «n need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to THE SUN office

THE ADOPTED SON

Dear Miss Rutledge: Would you please give me your kind advice as you have given to many others. I am an adopted son and am 19 years old, and I wish to know my own parents. Where, how, and at what cost can I find out the same? I have had rather a hard life and now I feel very lonely. At the present time I feel like packing up and going to some distant place. “SAD AND LONELY." A .V <S \V I'.l' Your chief trouble is that you are lonely, the sadness apparently being the outcome of loneliness. Some people prefer to go through life without mixing with friends and neighbours, but it is evident that you require companionship, and a bright life, to enable you to recapture some of vour lost joys of childhood. Make up your mind to enter the social life of your particular class, make friends and generally go out for what life offers to any healthy minded person. Possibly there are ways of obtaining the information you crave, but why worry about it? Live for the future, and while you make others bright and happy so will this be reflected in you. Thus you will no longer be “Sad and Lonely.” ANNE RUTLEDGE. SHOULD HE WED? Dear Miss Kutledge: As a constant reader o£ your answers to different questions, I should be obliged if you would answer few for a bachelor. I am 47 and always content to Keep ■v jrking and, being of a satisfied dissition, I never have given marriage lch thought. Sometimes, however, hink I would be better off if I did irry as lam getting on now. Do you ink I am too old to take a serious 3W of this subject? Do you think I should have much chance of making a success of married life at my age? I must admit I am of a rather selfish nature, not mean, but perhaps lacking confidence. This may be through living a single life. I could manage my part of the contract as regards cash, etc. I am a bit old fashioned in my ways. I am industrious, quiet and have the usual recreations, but not to excess. I am healthy and have a steady Income. I was more inclined to look after my motlfter for years than to bother about getting married, and In any case I do not remember having a particular fancy among the fair sex. Perhaps that would be called bashfulness. Just a few lines in answer .to these questions would oblige. For the time I will be known as “DISAPPOINTED." NSWVR

[ feel confident in advising you to “oast ur bread upon the waters’* and take to vourself a wife. Your letter has e right ring about it. Of course, unless u are particularly fortunate, you could t expect the glow of romance, or aflin- *. or the woman that sees the beauty stars in loved oues eyes. There are my charming and companionable women about of approximately your own age. Some undoubtedly are as old-fash-ioned in their views of life as you say you are, and I hope that vou will meet one of these although, of course, it is wise to partake of the best that modernity has expressed. Don’t make the mistake of marrying a very young woman whose tastes and ideas would hardly blend with your own. Try to establish confidence in your personality by taking a holiday where you are likely to come in contact with some of the opposite sex. Diving so much alone would result in selfishness to a certain extent, but this streak could easily be eliminated l>y an understanding woman. Make sure that the favoured lady is the sensible and happy type. for good cheer and a smile take the edge off most things that are calculated to give trouble. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

SHE’S OVER THE OCEAN Dear Miss Rutledge,— Perhaps you can advise me in this matter. As one who is lonely and has no ties or home in New Zealand, I have had friendly correspondence for three years with a woman friend over in Australia. It seems she would like me to go over there, but after weighing lip the pros and cons I am unable to make a decision, as l like New Zealand better than Australia. The conditions are a little better here, but I have no prospects

of any friendship in New Zealand. There may be a possibility of her assisting me in material welfare. “ONE WHO IS PERPLEXED.’ ANSWER No ties, no friends and no home! Poor chap; it seems to me you require to pull yourself up with a round turn. Take a look round and see smiling faces and brightness. If you cannot be like other people who see joy, goodness, j and purpose in life, then you should .see a doctor. The lady in Australia may not wish to link up with a man who cannot make friends, so start in and live wholesomely and well. At the end of a few months you will have taken hold cf yourself, and you will know whether you wish to make the journey to Australia, for if you find love, and New Zealand seems good to you, there will be no harm in taking you* “wife” back to the place where life is good to you, despite the fact that before your awakening you had no ties, no friends, no home, and were solely perplexed and undecided—now buck up! ANNE RUTLEDGE. REGARDED LIGHTLY Dear Miss Rutledge,— I have perused your lielplul columns with interest, and thought perhaps you could give me some advice in my quandary. I have been friendly with a very respectable young woman for the past 12 months and am now convinced that she is the only girl for me. I have twice told her of my great esteem and of my hopes of some day sharing my fortunes with her. My approaches have both times been lightly passed over, and I think that it is only because she does not believe me serious.

I am earning a fair salary so I hardly think that it is financial matters that cause her to treat the subject with such lightness. Hoping that you will be able to aid me in such a matter, and trusting that I have not usurped too much of your valuable time. “HOPEFUL.” ANSWER You appear to have made up your mind that the gild you njpntion is the girl for Well, why not Your advances have been met w:.th a certain lightness, but lightness is not coldness, and so you must take heart. Make the third attempt, and make it in no uncertain way. Possibly your manner when broaching the subject has not been exactly lover-like. Remember all the world loves a lover, and it is for you to show this girl that you really want her, arid as the ballad says, “No one else will do.’’ Should there be any doubt in her relily, ask her quite frankly why she is unable to accept your advances and your promise of happiness and protection. Most girls love to have romance play a part in their lives, so put yourself in her place, and thus seek to do just what, would please her. You must know of her ways by now, and should be able to act in accordance wifch -her ideals. Remember the right girl will appreciate your sentiments, so don’t weaken. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

PARENTS SAY “NO!” Dear Miss Rutledge.— I am very deeply in love with a man who is older than myself. My parents do not care for him, and will not let me go out with him. His home is not far from where I live, and I cannot bear to see him so much My girl friend is in practically the same awkward position as myself, so we thought of leaving home together. As we are not yet 21 years of age we do not think we are justified in doing so. We are simply desperate as to what w 6 should really do. I cannot sleep at nights for the worry seems to be always on my mind. We would bo very grateful if you would kindly advise us in the matter. A2Z. ,t vs \vk /: If the man you love reciprocates your affection, surely it is up to him to make advances. The reasons your parents exclude your sweetheart might he well founded, and they may have ample cause to protect you from him. Yet there may be quite a flimsy or ridiculous teason. You must have heard why he is disliked. If the man is decently inclined and well behaved, it is up to him to “dance his way” into the good graces of father and mother. Let him study their ways, their likes and dislikes, their good points and weaknesses. Let him start to learn and practise diplomacy, for a little thinking and planning anyhow will help develop his brain if nothing else. Some girls have gained freedom and used it to good effect by leaving home, but too many regret bitterly the day they “knew better” than father and mother. You are no doubt quite young, so take my advice and give your parents the credit of more experience and wisdom than you possess, though they might not express their ideas too clearly owing to the reticence of false modesty. ANNE RUTLEDGE ANSWER TO “WRITER.” I advise you to study New Zealand and Australian publications in the Auckland Library with a view to knowing the requirements of the editors before submitting MSS. It' same are accepted, you will be paid at the usual rates. Do not mention remuneration. ANNE RUTLEDGE.