Persons Who Bore Us—And Why

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 922, 15 March 1930, Page 18

Persons Who Bore Us —And Why

Certain Types Set Up Mental Conflicts and Cause Emotional Fatigue That is as Wearying as Arduous Work

HE makes me tired, that's all!” One would hardly have suspected KgA that this was said about gfchYj a very intelligent, wellWpJ\ educated and attractively dressed debutante. Yet most of us do know people who make us tired, actually tired. Fatigue is caused not only by hard physical work and the wrong kind and amount of sleep, but there are also insidious emotional causes of fatigue akin to that generated by monotony or by dissatisfaction or by ceaseless repetition of the same light and otherwise nonfatiguing task. Some people also cause emotional fatigue and actually make us as tired as some of our daily so-called work (writes Donald Laird, Ph. D., Sci. D.).

“This kind of tiredness is probably one of the greatest, drawbacks to personal efficiency and cheerfulness of spirit,” comments Dr. K. M. Banham Bridges. “There is the child who easily gets tired at his lessons; the perennially tired housewbfe; the tired business man who cannot drag himself around the workshops but who can do two rounds of golf in an afternoon; there is the nervous child who gets tired at play, the shy person who is too tired to go out to meet company and many others who are equally familiar to us.”

What kinds of persons are those who are fatiguing, anyway? Are we in this class? Or are we just out of tune with human nature so that any one fatigues us?

There are the egocentric persons who always try to be in the limelight. They try to arrange the party or conversation so that it reflects favourably upon them. They are extremely poor losers; they will play chess or bridge only if they are confident that they are superior to the others who are playing. Around the house they will ask pointless questions of others who are reading to be certain of gaining attention. The egocentrics will talk incessantly to monopolise the conversation and will drag their stories out with unnecessary detail to give them the centre of the stage longer. Every one has met this type at some time or another.

Both men and women are found with this make-up. It is more characteristic of children, however, than of adults; if the child is lucky, he will outgrow it. It is one outstanding reason why children are very tiring to many persons. The incessant questioning of children is apt to be due as much to their egocentric tendencies as to an instinct of curiosity.

A short time ago a self-contained woman who had been made excessively tired by egocentrics planned a dinner bridge. Feeling that she had to pay off social debts to some egocentrics, she invited exactly four of

them and manoeuvred —as women can—so that they all four ate at the same table with no one else near to interfere. None of them, according to the latest report, is speaking to the others! Then there is the enthusiastic persons who fatigue others through sheer strenuosity. They are not. so tiring so long as their enthusiasm is directed along lines in which we also are interested, but even in such instances the energy demands made by their own enthusiasm will tire one. perhaps with an actual physical tiredness. But in case they are enthusiastic in directions other than of our own interests, then they become doubly fatiguing to us. We may struggle to keep up with them, but experience emotional fatigue over our failure to meet their pace. Failure is always tiring; success is emotionally restful. The enthusiastic person is most likely to fatigue the person who has little reserve energy and few accomplishments and interests.

Somewhat similar to energetic persons are the over-solicitous. They are always going out of their way to help someone. Usually it is someone who does not need help. They overtake us in their car while we are walking to work, with only two blocks more to go, and insist upon our riding with them. We sneeze, and they are afraid we are taking cold and insist upon giving us a spoonful of a medicine “that helped mother wonderfully.” When we visit them in the country they insist on sending us back to the city with our arms full of fresh vegetables. “Fresh country vegetables are much more healthy,” they say as they literally force upon us the vegetables we will toss out of the car window as soon as we are around the bend.

While almost everyone is flattered by a little attention and appreciates thoughtful acts, it can easilv be overdone. Small boys take an antagonism to parents for this reason at times Contrasting -with the over-solicitous is the weak-sister make-up. Sometimes they are looked upon as selfish They want everyone to wait on them! to look out for them. Possiblv thev are the consequence of too much parental attention in childhood. “There V s a fraught; won't you shut the window . they say one moment. Just a minute later they say, “Where did you put that paper?” with an Inflection that implies that you should get it for them. If there Is no.one around for them to ask favours of, thev are genuinely unhappy. They are' eternally asking us to do just one more lavour for them—until the next favour is asked of us. It is not a domineering giving of orders, .just a weaksister helplessness. When offered a change of position or invited to some affair they have to ask every acquaintance for advice. It takes nearly the entire neighbourhood to help them pick out a new hat. They fatigue others partly through the demands upon their time, but mainly through emotional annoyance.

Not to be confused with the weak sister is the lethargic person. Sometimes they are thoughtlessly called ; a *J* At auy rate * they indulge in little activity or work. It takes the combined persuasive powers of a committee of ten to get them to do some-

thing. It has been facetiously said that the lethargic have heart trouble and dropsy—they drop into a chair and don’t have the heart to ge.t up. Then we meet the person who has keen an indulger in the higher criticism We might picture them better under the everyday name of fault-finders. They have a grudge against anything that happens to come, up for discussion, although usually they have certain very special “pet peeves”—such as being against capitalism. a political party, compulsory education or rigid divorce laws. Disagree w'ith them even mildly and you are in for an uncomfortable spell of one-sided argumentation. Almost as tedious as the faultfinder is the person who dispenses | gratuitous advice on any and all subjects. Such an individual will come into your home and literally pick it to pieces by a series of suggestions which, though offered in a kindly lranner and purported to be for the betterment of your domicile, insinuate that y °ur taste is atrocious. No one likes to be criticised unfavourbly unless they have sought the advice of a trusted friend or a specialist in some particular subject; even then adverse criticism is apt to be unwelcome. When persons force their ideas regarding our personal affairs, dress or house furnishings upon us they imply that we are lacking in discretion or taste. Such an implication punctures our ego and makes us bored or even angry with the would-be reformer. Snobs are tiring. So are nervous and fidgety people. There is considerable consolation in being just an ordinary person, after all. Ordinary persons are least fatiguing. \We should be less tired if we were thoroughly aware of the total situation and could see the things that annoy us in their true perspective,” says Dr. Bridges. “We should be more sympathetic and able to tolerate the undesirable elements for the sake of the more pleasing aspects of the situation. Everybody should, moreover, search himself for socially offensive behaviour and should try to conduct himself with as much grace and consideration for other people as possible. I’ or the person who feels tired, the thing to do is to find out the nature of that conflict and endeavour to solve it. It is for everyone to find out whether lie induces fatigue in other people and whether he possesses anti» social or disagreeable character traits. He will find his happiness and that of his associates greatly increased if be removes or modifies these traits.”