Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 914, 6 March 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

Annue Rutleg

By

1 Mtsa Anne Rutledge will answer , letters t>» this column every Thursday An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist , a student of human nature and a wide traveller she is welt fitted for the task. Those who have jut,clems and lack o confidante i-> '■■•lp in their solution may with am.dence write to Miss Rutledge knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance Communications for Aliss Rutledge should be addressed to TUB SUN office.

“DEAR BRUTUS”

Dear Miss Rut lodge,— Do you believe in luck, or that people are sometimes born under a lucky star? I have a brother who seems to have all the luck in the world, yet for me nothing pans out well. Perhaps I am fated to endure one disappointment after another. Do you think so? I am losing heart, and wonder if I should visit a fortune-teller to discover if the future really holds anything worth while. CURIOUS. ANSWER Take my advice, and leave fortunetelling alone. Better fer most of us if the future remained a closed book, and . \er If revelation were possible, there is always the doubt of the good things not taking place, and the fear of bad happenings causing incalculable harm before there is the slightest chance of their coming to pass. Certain it seems that Fate or Chance plays a prominent part in the affairs of man, .and that some men appear luckier than others. Whether this is purely a ir. ttter to be determined by a person’s powers or limitations, by temperament or environment, Is a debatable question. That so many of us are tools of Circumstance cannot be disputed for a moment, and the problem of the forces affecting our material lives, over which we often have little control—call it bad nr good luck as you will—is as old as the Sphinx, and as unsolved as the secrets buried beneath It. Many hold different theories on the matter of fatalism, clairvoyance, astrology and phrenology, but the fact remains that accidents happen in all walks of life, and a co-ordinated < hain of . r cumstances, including earthquakes is sometimes too irresistible for the sturdiest heart to withstand. The Hindu believes certain lines which read: "Fate is nothing but the deeds committed in a prior state of existence”; vet could this be applied to the inventor of gunpowder, for instance, whose influence indirectly takes enormous toll of life daily, or the originator of card playing who provided pleasant pastime as well as immeasurable sorrow, according to the hand dealt in the game. Tf you are wise, you will leave superstition to savages and try' to content a ourself with the inspiring ethics of the Great Tea. her and Philosopher of many decades past, whose words and deeds will ho your best standby, no matter how greatly yam are tried and disappointed bv apparent ill-luck. Legitimate progression and ambition provides necessary mental gymnastics, but constant pessimism warps the outlook. When you begin to lose heart, sit up and analvse yourself and try to estimate vour blessings. It will come as a surmise to you to realise how lucky you really are. particularly so, when perhaps a hundred yards away some loved one is stricken with a painful illness, or in the house around the corner the * a ?j}S r no ironev to buy' food because father is numbered among

EXPENSIVE IDEAS r>ear Miss Rutledge,— I am feeling very upset about the way my son has turned out, especially as I believe that the reason that his ideas are different to mine is because J was living in the tropics for a long time, and be was separated from me to get a good education and a more vigorous climate. He is going, to be married and has most extravagant ideas of living which he cannot afford, and I don’t want him to have an expensive wedding which he is talking about, especially as he expects me to give him financial assistance and gifts which I cannot really afford. His fiancee is a nice girl, but hasn’t sufficient character to balance my son s. I find it difficult to talk to him. Can you help to improve the situation? M.O. .I NSWER The kind of trouble you mention Is unfortunately fairly prevalent and the cause of it deep-seated. In short, many are liivrg beyond their means and have never been taught the fundamentals of true thrift. This is, however, no excuse lor men. women, boys and flappers who persist in this pernicious habit. In my opinion, continuous extravagance is a shocking thing, because the consequences are far-reaching, and bring in their train much evil and misery. Consider how many old and middle-aged people are In desperate and straitened circumstances, who now bitterly regret their foolish ways and errors of the past. How many children have a poor start in **the race of life” owing to early stupid extravagances of their parents who had the chance but failed to provide for the "rainy day.” How many good opportunities have been lost to men who could not “raise the wind” because they had saved nothing. How many marriages are practically blasted from the start by that diseased idea of “keeping up with the Jones’s,” for so-called love often flies out of the home when money troubles pile up and try to obscure the healthy and better instincts. Prevention is better than cure, and I frankly state that everybody able to think would do well to put their house in order, if necessary, in accordance with the laws of temperance. While writing this I call to mind a famous and successful young man who has just married. His fingers were not disfigured with excessive cigarette smoking, and he lived simply and cleanly. He married a daughter of wealthy parents, yet the wedding ceremony was quiet and dignified, which, no doubt, permitted the principals to think about the service. Very often a show wedding means needless stress and strain for somebody, especially mother, and more often than is suspected by outside friends, a strain on somebody's pocket Again, it is foolish for girls to “splurge” unduly on clothes because the shops are open every day and fashions change. Also, flimsy mateilals have a habit of perishing. If special circumstances have hindered your control and development of your son, take a definite stand now. Advise him truthfully, fearlessly, yet lovingly. If he is worth anything at all he will respect his mother’s advice, which, his conscience will tell him, is right. But get busy without *elay. ANNE RUTLEDGE. THE RUNAWAY Dear Miss Rutledge.— I would like to ask your advice on a matter that is worrying me very much. I have been keeping company with a young man for 18 months now, and for his sake recently divorced my husband. A few weeks ago he went -'way, and left a brief note at my place telling me he was going away, and not to fret too much; to try and cheer up, and that, he would write and explain everything. So far no promised letter has come, and I am getting a cry depressed without him. Do you think, Miss Rutledge, that he has gone away to forget me, and will not re-

turn? After divorcing my husband for him, I cannot think he could do such a thing, especially as we were good friends at the time he went, and did not part in anger. Should I give him a certain time to return, as I have no idea where he is to communicate with him at all? I am anxiously waiting lor your advice. “BRENDA.” ANSWER. You do not mention details of your married life, and so I cannot gain an accurate idea of the character of the man who influenced you to divorce your husband. The affair may have been just one of those cases simply illustrated by the well-known children’s story of the dog with a bone on the bridge, looking down at his reflection in the stream. One felt rather sorry that the dog found the shadow more attractive than the substance, and as a result lost the bone. Of course, on the other hand, you may have had a wretched married life, and have been justified in divorcing your husband from his transgressions. However, whatever the history may be, you must now clearly realise that* your chance of winning happiness and harmonious peace of mind, is to recognise the reality of life. The person that depends only on those around for happiness, might very easily, one of these days, think that this world is a sad, empty and lonely place. Take stock of yourself and make the necessary mental readjustments, for the only satisfactory way of living is to progress in right ideas and usefulness. All healthy people want to be happy, and if you are a candidate, remember that “to think right and to do right” will let in sunshine to kill the threatening germs. Forget this “runaway man” you write about. ANNE RUTLEDGE. EMINENTLY SUITABLE Dear Miss Rutledge,— A friend in the country has asked me to procure a new book entitled “The Iron Man and the Tin Woman” as a gift to a girl of 19. Is this a suitable story for a young girl to read? W.H. ANSWER The book you refer to was written by Stephen Leacock in one of his jolliest moods and is full of wholesome nonsense and sheer good humour from beginning to end. The title is typical of the amusement to be found within the pages where the Robot, or Iron Man, falls in love with the Tin Woman, and eventually proposes to her in true a la mode fashion. Any young girl would appreciate such a gfit. ANNE RUTLEDGE. AFFECTATION AND AFFECTION Dear Miss Rutledge,— A girl friend of mine, who is quite nice in many ways, is awfully affected in her manner. Her name is Daisy, but she calls herself “Daphne.” She also pretends that her people are well off and that she has much social prestige when, in truth, they have to look at every penny before they spend it. This kind of affectation is spoiling the better and more natural qualities of my friend, and I think that I should tell her so. Do you advise me to be straightforward on this point? JIM. ANSWER Certainly be straightforward. “A friend’s frown is better than a fool’s smile” and although the girl may shrug her shoulders or affect annoyance at your criticism, it is bound to sink in if she values your opinion. I suggest that you handle the matter tactfully and kindly. In conversation, mention as a general observation the charming qualities of natural poise. Posing is a shallow and most unsatisfactory pastime in the long run and many girls bitterly regret the false impressions they have given, especially if they marry, for the true circumstances, very often, are revealed to the husband. After all, these silly lies are so unnecessary, as men usually love the girl of their choice for better and stronger reasons than the small things in life. ANNE RUTLEDGE.