Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 896, 13 February 1930, Page 6

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

Alisa Anna Rut led ye will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer, an ardent feminist, a student of human nature <nul a wide traveller she is U'tU fit Lett for the taste. Those who h.nH problems and lack a confidant* !•! help in. their solution may f ith confidence write to Miss HuLledtje, vihose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she will assist those who stand in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to TUE SUN office.

A DOMESTIC FAILURE?

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I would like you to tell me if I am unreasonable In my thoughts and feelings about my home life. During five years of married life I have been sometimes happy and now and again decidedly unhappy. My wife ordinarily Is a charming and cheery woman, but has peculiar fits of depression and bad temper. We have a baby, and candidly I love my wife and baby very much, except at times when I feel absolutely fed up with domesticity if that word describes my home life. I like my wife to enjoy life within our means and we go oat fairly often. Also, at times, when I feel like it, 1 am busy in the garden. There are times, however, when I want rest and quietness, especially to read and recuperate from the day’s work. The baby starts to cry vigorously and my wife commences to voice her discontent, and being of the nervy temperamental type, the result is a quarrel in which I am called all manner of things- such as a selfish pig, etc. Now lam an average sort of man and give my wife a fair deal and am certain that she has a more comfortable home than most women. The effect of this trouble is to wipe out all thoughts of affection at these times, and I am losing interest in the home. 1 feel that I would have been happier single or without a baby. I have tried to battle against these thoughts and to use diplomacy, but am coming to the conclusion that although we will probably carry on together lor life, our marriage is a failure. Your constructive suggestions will be welcome. AM AN. ANSWKIt I can understand your point of view, and certainly sympathise with you up i l P° , - Now, at a quiet moment pei haps in the gurden, just throw aside prejudices, thoughts and opinions, and allow yourself to become as far as possible m I, mnony with the flowers, trees and u. n •rally with the Creative Mind w h.. , ..., .r..is everything that really is. Jtean.a 'hat it is only our mortal selves ■u no obscure the infinite principle of Perfect and harmonious life. You, of course, understand that our social mid industrial life in this world has J’cen mainly built, maintained and ir spired by co-operation, and that same princ pie applies to home life, and you promised co-operation in effect at the marriage ceremony. Now carry your thought a little further apd you will agree that most things are a pleasure or ix burden according to the attitude of the mind and custom. ♦ A an regard your home as something threatening your liberty, but if >ou have entered into the true spirit °£ co-operation you will have the joy or realising that happiness is gained by constantly giving your best thoughts and attention to the family and those rubbing shoulders with you in your walk of life. Co-operation will give you what you need . a _ mental haven from the snares and pittallx which abound 'everywhere. Cooperation saves much needless work and gives you peace. Your wife, like all of ujs, has faults, but you must look past thesa to see the best in her- Think of her as a bride, and it will flash into your understanding what forces are constantly trying to beat her down from the pedestal of happiness. You are fellow victims, so step out briskly and look well ahead, lake Solomon you must ask for wisdom. Away will go that discontented feeling and buoyancy will spring into your step. Your baby is going to Carry your banner to the next generation. Give of your best. Good example is good \ seed. It will make you happy to bring back those smiling eyes, and a cheerful send-off in the morning instead of a resigned and half-hearted kiss, will vitalise your being for the day’s work. —ANNE RUTLEDGE.

THE LODGER

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I rented a furnished bedroom to a nice-looking girl about 20, for I wanted additional income as we bad a room to spare. My husband and I have been contented and happy together during our married life of 12 years, but now things are not working smoothly because I am irritated at the way this girl seems to attract my husband, who obviously likes her. I have spoken to my husband who was annoyed at many complaint. The girl probably doesn’t mean any harm, but she seems to go out of her way to be charming to him. I am unhappy and don’t know what to do for the best. What do you advise? UPSET. ANSWER Your imagination might be workingovertime, or there may L»e real cause for your criticism, but irrespective of that, you won't be making any mistake by telling the girl nicely that you require her room next week, and that she must arrange to move. You can advise your husband that you do not like anyone! else living in the home. If you both think is necessary to let the room, it might be better to get a young man, which, at any rate, will be preferable to a girl who is capable of causing trouble between husband and wife. In carrying out this suggestion, be very careful* not to talk about the girl in any obiectionuble way, especially as the trouble and inconvenience was partly caused by your own action. ANNE RUTI#EDGE.

CHASING A CAREER

Dear Miss Rutledge, — I am on very affectionate terms with a young woman 23 years old, but when I asked her to marry me she said that at great sacrifice and expense, she had secured a good education and a thorough college training, and it would not be right to marry until she had achieved success and used her education. I can afford to marry as I have saved over £2OO and earn £3OO a year, with prospects of decent advancement as time goes on. Am I right in wanting the girl to marry me soon? A.L. ANSWER I don’t know whether the “success” means an efficient and well-paid stenographer, a successful dressmaker, or prom nence in one of the professions. If you are going to wait until the lady has made a name as a doctor, or has built up a sound and profitable business, or perchance has become a great financial success as a writer, you might he baldheaded or grey-haired before the marriage takes place. There are so many girls going in for all kinds of business occupations that it is difficult for any of them to jump to fame overnight. Years of hard work, ups and downs, and patience, are usually Behind most successful people, whatever the field may be. To be able to earn a fair living is altogether different, and it might be a prudent step for your friend to have a trade or profession at the back of her in case of need one of these days. In any case, it is handy for a girl to have practical business experience. Unless she is a very exceptional person indeed, I would advise you to tell her “plump and plain” that marriage is the most honourable and useful career for a woman. To carry out this job properly and successfully she will need ail her good equipment and the advantages that she possesses. For your own benefit, it would be well to find out now if the favoured one is domestically inclined, and if she will be content and happy to manage a small home with little to spare for luxuries. Don’t drag or persuade her overmuch, for if her heart is really wedded to a business career, you might have regrets later. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

THE GLAD EYE

Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am at a loss how to treat my husband in the following circumstances, especially as I can’t help feeling irritated and jealous. Yet I know that he wouldn’t do anything really wrong. My husband is good looking, and tells me of the nice girls who used to “fall” lor him years ago. When we go out, if any well-dressed girl of smart appearance passes, he takes more than a passing glance at her. Should I overlook this sort of thing or have I a right to be angry? I live economically, and help my husband to save. P.D. ANSWER

Sometimes it is difficult to know when to/laugh a thing off or to let go a few scorching words. No husband is 100 per cent, perfect, and it often pays to humour weaknesses and dwell upon the good points. Averagely, people would be happier if they could “school” themselves along those lines. Really, the gentle sex needs plenty of understanding to cope satisfactorily with the men they marry. When to be sweet and forgiving, When to make them feel ridiculous, whpn to make them realise by a sharp word or two that they have overstepped the mark. It is well to remember that it doesn’t pay to obviously keep a man tied to the proverbial apron string, for. a man’s world is wider than a woman’s, Supposing you start to dress smartly and offer your husband a counter attraction. Perhaps you wore very nice clothes and looked as if you had just stepped out of a band-box, during your courting days. Spruce up a little more and let your husband be aware of your presence. Is your conversation interesting? Women should not “flop” just because they are now well and truly married. Circumstances might compel economy, but we can still be smart, tidy, and wear a bright smile. Give your husband plenty to think about, and jolly him if Ins eyes are drawn to the fair sex too much. Ridicule is your best course. Anger might make things worse. ANNE RUTLEDGE..

IN BRIEF

ANSWER TO “MOON-STRUCK” The you ask is all “moonshine,” and based on old woman’s tales. 1 should take the matter for what it is worth. ANNE RUTLEDGE. 1 ANSWER TO “11.J.P.5." I shall obtain the particulars you require and post them to you privately ANNE RUTLEDGE,