FROM THE WATCH TOWER

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 882, 28 January 1930, Page 8

FROM THE WATCH TOWER

By

‘‘THE LOOK-OUT MAN.”

THE INSULT There was a fme Gaelic flavour about yesterday’s telegraphed announcement that Mr. George Yardley, of Oamaru, had won the Dominion pibroch championship at the Turakina sports. Even the shield that accompanied the honour had been presented by a famous firm of Scottish distillers. For the benefit of uncultured Sassenachs, be it known that a pibroch is a Scottish air or theme played on the bagpipes with variations. The extent and quality of .the variations determines the ability of the player. All this is terrible enough, but hardly deserves the headings placed on the message by a contemporary sheet: “Pibroch Champion,” then "Legal Action Possible.” That’s the sort of thing that makes the patriotic Highlander see a ruddy tartan. STEALTHY SHOPPING Police constables assigned to the periodic task of catching tradesmen in the act of selling after hours or on Sundays have a disconcerting habit of entering the shops of their victims when they are least expected. On Sunday one policeman did the shopping rounds of an Auckland suburb clad in immaculate “whites.” His purchases disclosed quite a catholic taste: a packet of cigarettes here, some sweets there, and a bar of chocolate somewhere else. The last vendor to be caught napping is reflecting disgustedly that he faces a by-law charge and court fine all because of a penny packet of chewing-gum which the industrious constable paid for and pocketed before producing his notebook. MAN, THE PRODUCT Dr. Ronald Campbell Macfie, in a recent lecture to the hard-headed folk of Aberdeen, made the announcement that, in a quantitative analysis, scientists would find in the body of a man of medium size enough oxygen nearly to fill 900 9-gallon barrels; enough carbon to make 10,000 lead pencils; enough phosphorus to make 9,000 boxes of matches; enough hydrogen to fill a balloon capable of lifting a mail to the top of Ben Mac Dhui; enough iron to make five carpet tacks; enough salt to fill six ordinary salt cellars; and four or five pounds of nitrogen. Chemically, man (which includes the politician) was mostly gas and water. TIT FOR TAT At last women have declared themselves on the question as to whether their sex should retain business billets after marriage. A group of 7,000 English women civil servants have voted, and the result is overwhelmingly against the retention- of / positions after marriage. In these days of sex equality, however, one point worthy of consideration by the husbands of women in business is that of applying the principle both ways. In other words, should men retain billets after marriage with business women? Here is a subject for brisk debate, with husbands standing firm to the adage that, conversely, what’s sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose. * * * PRACTICAL A.B.C. The other evening The Sun reprinted an American article advocating the abolition of the “old-fashioned” A.B.C. for children and the introduction of practical examples such as “A stands for adding machine,” instead of “acorn” or “apple pie.” "Lucio” of the “Manchester Guardian” has read this article also. He writes: Come here , little fathead, and sit down by vie, And let us run over your new ABC, Whereby we impress on the immature mind Some facts of a modern, more practical hind. A is for Axle and Adding Machine, B is for Bankrupt who hasn’t a Bean: C is for Carbon. Crank, Car, Carburettor, D’s for Debenture or Dollar or Debtor; E’s for Exchequer and office Equipment, F is the Freight on a Foreigner’s shipment ; G is for Gasoline, Gadget, and Gear, H is the Hooter or Horn that we Hear; J is for Inquest (as everyone knows); J is the Joy-ride from which it arose; K is for Kinema, Keyboard, and Keel: T-j is for Limousine, wealth at the wheel; M is for Money (and never you doubt it !) ; N is the Nothing you count for without it ; O’s Overdrawn, an embarrassing state, p is the Payment that Puts the thing straightj Q is for Quota and Quorum and Quid — R is for Rum sort of terms for a Kid ; S is the Screen that is Silent and mute; T is the Talkies now hot in pursuit; U is for Usury, not a nice word, 'Value received would perhaps be preW stands for this World and its Ways; X, I imagine, is merely X-rays; Y is for Yen, which the Japanese chink, And Z is for Zeppelin, Zion, and Zinc. The ground is thus covered from A unto Z. So get all these facts in your silly young head ; And when you have finished you should be a more Inquisitive nuisance than ever before.