THE CROOKED MAN

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 874, 18 January 1930, Page 29

THE CROOKED MAN

A Tale of The Back of Beyond

Roy, Una, Dick and Nan were all 1 awake that night. (Roy and Una were twins of ten years old, and the other two were eight and five.) It was the first night of the summer holidays, and they were too excited to sleep. “I’m sure there’s something up tonight!” said Roy to Dick, as they lay with eyes wide open. Just at that moment the door opened softly, and in came Una, with Nan close behind. “Do get u»!” she whispered. “I feel something is going to happen!” “Funny; so do I!” exclaimed Roy, as they tumbled out of bed. (He and Una, being twins, often thought the same thing at the same time.) The boys pulled on their clothes quickly. All at once they heard a curious noise, as of a distant horn. The four gazed at one another in surprise. What could It be? Again it sounded, far away, and mysterious. No longer could they disobey the strange, compelling note. Pell-mell they rushed for the door, scampered down the passage, and into a lumber-room beyond. Here they stopped, amazed. For there stood a little man, all twisted to one side. He was dressed in scarlet hose and tunic, with a pointed cap and tassel, and over his shoulder hung a silver horn. “Come along, don’t keep me waiting any longer!” he cried in a queer shrill voice, and diving into a corner he disappeared behind a heap of odds and ends, such as old trunks and broken furniture. The four rushed after him, and found him scuttling out of sight through a hole in the wall. In they went behind him, and promptly began to slide down a kind of chute. Faster and faster they went, as though in a toboggan; it was the queerest sensation. Suddenly they tumbled together in a heap. Scrambling up, they looked about them, and what was their surprise to see the stars overhead! “Why, tvo’re outside!” cried Dick. Roy stooped and felt the ground. “Here’s grass. That’s why we fell so S °“Quiek, quick!” cried the Crooked Man, and raced off down the field. They followed him as fast as they could go, though Nan’s stumpy legs could hardly carry her along. ‘•jjurry, or you’ll miss the train, shouted the Crooked Man over his shoulder. _ “I can carry Nan,” gasped Roy, and hoisted his little sister up pick-a-Now they could hear a distant rumble; but the railway embankment loomed up not far ahead. Making one last wild spurt, they flung themselves up the bank, just as the train came into sight round a curve. “Stop!” yelled the Crooked Man, jumping on to the rails and 'waving his arms frantically, while something seemed to shine inside him, red as fire. The enginedriver put on the brakes, and the train drew up with many Jerks and grunts. Then the Crooked Man bustled them into a compartment, climbed in himself, and blew his horn. “Whew, that was a near tiling!” he grunted, mopping his brow. “This is the only train for 37 years.” “The only train —where to?’ asked Roy. , . “Why, to the Back of Beyond, of course!” replied the Crooked Man. The children stared at each other. Going to the Back of Beyond—what an adventure. By now they were speeding along through the'-dark at a tremendous rate. They soon began to feel so sleepy that they simply had. to shut there eyes . . . When they awoke, it was early dawn. The train was tearing on at an enormous speed through the queerest sort of country, full of rocks and mountains, some of which were spitting fire. Sometimes they would pass along under a volcano; then, again, they would go rushing through a stony gorge. All this time the Crooked Man sat in a- corner, bunched up like a toad, with his bushy eyebrows drawn together. He took no notice of the children, and they did not venture to disturb him. Soon they were speeding through a tunnel. On thundered the train, while sparks shot past them in the inky blackness. Still on they rushed, till, hey presto! out they came on the other side.

Now all at once the Crooked Man jumped up in great excitement. “Look about you, children—look about you, use your eyes,” he cried, as though they had not been doing this all the time! Now the train drew up at a station, and they bundled out. It was a most peculiar station, made of coloured glass. The platform was so slippery that they could scarcely stand. “Come along,” cried the Crooked Man, and off he darted down the platform, with the children sliding along behind him. Now they came to a turnstile, and here a tall, thin man stopped them and asked for tickets. ' “Tickets, indeed—l’ll ticket you!” yelled the Crooked Man, and, butting at him with his head, he toppled him over. A moment later they were out in the street. The children gazed about bewildered, for this was not like any street they had even seen before. The houses had neither doors nor windows, but they could see people climbing in and out through the chimneys. They passed a few shops, but in front of each hung a notice: “Gone Away.” They met some queer people as they went along—first a tinker, then a bagman, then an old grey woman with a single tooth. The Crooked Man signed to them all as they passed, and one by one they joined up silently, and followed. The children felt it was rather mysterious, and little Nan held tight to Una’s hand. At last they came out on a country road, with orchards stretching on either hand, full of golden fruit. By now, they were feeling hungry, and they cast longing glances at the pears and figs which hung so temptingly near by. “Yes, you may!” said the Crooked Man, as though he had read their thoughts. They did not wait for a second permission, but dived among the fruit trees. “Time’s up!” cried the Crooked Man presently; but the boys stuffed their pockets full before they came out. At last they arrived at a crossroads. and here the Crooked Man stopped and looked about as though expecting someone. Nor had they long to wait; for presently a dwarf with a blue nose came riding along on a goat. “What news?” cried the Crooked Man. “He’s sleeping!” chirped the dwarf. The Old Grey jypmaa clapped her

hands, while the tinker and the bag- • man began hopping round together. “Don't be absurd, you two. Spendthrift and Featherbrain!” snapped the Crooked Man. Then he turned to the four children, saying: “Now. I will tell you why I have brought you here. You must know that we have a tyrant, an "Enchanter, called Heavysides. a dull and dismal fellow. He has forbidden us to laugh, or even smile. However, once a year he goes to sleep for a good long time, and there is just a chance to catch him then. When I saw you four children always laughing and jolly. I felt sure you could succeed.” “But what do you want us to do?” broke in Roy. “Here is a net to throw around him j as he lies asleep, and then you must I tickle him until you make him laugh. But remember to keep laughing yourselves the whole time, or danger will befqll you!” Then the blue-nosed Dwarf turned his goat back the way he had come, and the children found themselves marching behind him. Before very long they came to a forest. “You must go in here alone,” said the blue-nosed Dwarf. “The Enchanter lies sleeping far within, guarded by the Moping Monster. Beware, too, of his servants, Humdrum and Dry-as-Dust, for they will try to stop your laughing, and then you would be lost!” Thereupon he set spurs to his goat, and rode away. “Come on!” exclaimed Roy, who was carrying the net, and he plunged into the forest with a beating was very dark; nothing stirred; only the pine-needles cracked underfoot. “I want to get out!” whimpered Nan suddenly. “But this is a game!” cried Una. She laughed out loud, till little Nan laughed too. They all went laughing through the wood. They told each other all the jokes they knew, and made up fresh ones going along. At length they came to a hedge of thorn, in which was set a rusty iron gate. Here stood two most doleful figures. Humdrum and Dry-as-Dust. You could not imagine two more melancholy fellows: they stood sighing and groaning till the children began to think of skulls and cross-bones, toothache, and corns. Still, they kept on laughing, for they dared not stop a moment. Dick felt his face setting to a stony grin; he could only gasp out “Ha! hai” now and then. “Come on!” shouted Roy. “We’ll make a dash for it —Ha! ha!” So they all took hands, and, laughing their loudest, charged for the gate. The cobwebs hung thickly round the iron bars, and seemed to grow again as fast as the children tore them down. At last, however, they were over the gate. On they ran, through a thicket of briars. All at once they heard a most horrible noise, and the Moping Monster came crawling from her lair. She was spotted green and yellow, with a vulture’s beak and a serpent's tail! “She can’t hurt us if we only laugh!” gasped Una. “Ha, ha, ha!” The Moping Monster sidled up, and glided round them, sniffing. “What a joke this is—ho, ho!” cried Dick, though his teeth were chattering. The Monster could not make thepi out: she snarled and grunted once pr twice, and then went stalking off in a disgusted sort of way. The children hurried forward, apd before very long came out into an open glade. Here, at last, they found Enchanter Heavysides, lying apd snoring so loudly that it sounded like guns going off. Ugh! what an ugly face he had!

They stole up to where he lay, and Roy unrolled the net. “Quick —each take a corner, and pull it tight when I say ‘Go!’” In a trice they had the sleeping Enchanter pinioned beneath the net. “Now!” Roy shouted, and they pulled with all their might. This woke the Enchanter, who gave a fearful yejl. Feeling half-smothered, he rolled about, frantically, making useless grabs at the children through the net. But the more he wriggled the more he got entangled in the mesh. “Let’s tickle him!” cried Dick, pulling some long grasses that grew near. Their luckless captive writhed in fury. This was too much. He plunged more and more blindly, while the grasses tickled his toes and ears. At last, poor old Heavysides could bear it no longer; he burst into a peal of laughter, which rang hoarsely through the glade. “He’s laughing. he’s laughing—we’ve done it!” they cried. “Let me out!” gurgled the helpless Enchanter, and they drew the net away. He staggered up, laughing till the tears ran down his face. All at once a motley crew' came running from nowhere: the Crooked Man. the Blue-nosed Dwarf, and all the rest of them. Taking hands, they began to dance round the Enchanter — Spendthrift and Humdrum, Featherbrain and Dry-as-Dust—and there was the Old Grey Woman, too. kicking up her heels in a frisky way by the side of the Moping Monster. The children found themselves dancing as well, capering round in a wild jig Fast and furious grew the fun. Round and round they went, and faster yet. till they seemed to be whirling with their feet off the ground—then, all of a sudden, the whole scene vanished. Lo and behold, they were sitting in the nursery at home!