Heart and Home Chats

Sun (Auckland), Volume III, Issue 872, 16 January 1930, Page 4

Heart and Home Chats

By

Anne Rutledge

Sllss Anne Rutledge will answer letters in this column every Thursday. An accomplished writer , cu ardent feminist, a student of human nature and a wide traveller, she ts well fitted for the taste. Those who have problems and tack a confidante to help in their solution may with confidence write to Miss Rutledge, ichose knowledge will be placed at their disposal A sympathetic woman, she icill assist those who stafid in need of assistance. Communications for Miss Rutledge should be addressed to TIIB SUN office.

THE WIDOWER’S DAUGHTER Dear Miss Rutledge, Some time soon I hope to marry a widower, who has a very adorable baby girl. At present an aunt is caring for the child, but I am to have her later. Friends are trying to discourage me from taking her by saying that it never works out well. I am fond of children and so is the baby's father, and I think he would be disappointed if I did not have her. What do you advise? CONSTANCE. A.VSWRR You may miss a glorious opportunity in your life if you don't take over the baby g-irl. Quite naturally you will first enjoy your honeymoon and put the home in order. It makes life interesting to discover the beautiful qualities and sentiments that a child can awaken in two grown-up human beings. It is good to get the mind away from worldly pinpricks and adjust thoughts to the plane of those reflected by the innocent eyes of childhood. Simplicity! Trust! Dependence! Affection! Stimulating the gift of love in o*ur hearts. Perhaps, if tired eyes could close, and sleep, back through the years so that the illusions and weary deceptions would flee as with wings, and if we could think as a child and speak as a child, many of us would be sublimely happy. Don’t allow the cramped and selfish opinions of others to stifle your better instincts. Let good works fill your life; so welcome with outstretched arms the little wisp of humanity that should more than repay you for the care and devotion that you give, especially as it sfiould be a continual source of pleasure to your husband to be. ANNE RUTLEDGE. HARMONY THE GOAL Dear Miss Rutledge,— I feel in need of your opinion. I would like to meet you, but suppose that I must be content with a letter. I am 24 years old, and since 21 have felt a strong affection for a man whose intelligence and character is much superior to that of any man I know. He likes me but has never said that he loves me. Also, money and position do not interest him apart from just living respectably, and I cannot imagine him saving enough money for a home, as he spends his income about as fast as he gets it, as he is particularly generous. On the other hand, lately I have been having some wonderful times with a man of 30 who is a delightful companion, and thoughtful. I always enjoy his company. He has a good position and wants me to marry him. I would accept his proposal but for a feeling about the first man. What would you do? IN EARNEST. ANSWER Don’t get married unless you are overwhelmingly sure that you can live harmoniously with the proposed partner, and that in addition to reciprocated love, the man has no habits that are objectionable to you. As people grow older, their ideas and habits change, but substantially you know whether a man is a thoroughly decent type and if his particular idiosyncrasies are agreeable to you, or tolerable. If you are sailing in smooth waters thus far, then reasonable “give and take” should improve your chances of happiness still further. Of course a man must have legitimate ambition, but should not neglect his home in the pursuit of commercial overaggrandisement. It is a positive duty to provide for the “rainy day” and a healthy bank balance facilitates self respect and self reliance. However, so many people do not know enough about the character and characteristics of the person they promise to marry, added to which, many people during the periefd of courtship preserve a veneer which hides faults both trifling and vicious. Sit back and ask yourself what 501: really know about this “man of 30,” aside from the fact that he is delightful at parties, etc. Most people are comparatively happy with good-natured and average human beings with a respect and acknowledgment of their spiritual heritage. If you marry “Man No. 2” give him a fair deal and don’t try to change him into one of the ultra-intelligentsia. In short, don’t attempt to remodel him, for you know his likes and dislikes, and love him for wliat he is now. Be a real mate. Don’t marry unless you can do so whole-heartedly. Regarding the first man you mention, like most men, when he meets the right girl, he will probably quickly tell her so. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

ROLLING STONE ! Dear Miss Rutledge: It always seems to be mv luck i 0 bo on the move. Tbe different post ! tious I have held have called met 0 all the four corners of the globe and I must admit travelling about appeals 1 to me. Now. the question arises as to how long I shall be in New Zealand especially since I want to marry a girl here. She is "showing fight” because I am a rolling stone, and I just wonder if it is really possible to settle down when it comes to the point. Da you think I shall feel "tied” if I deflnitely settle in New Zealand? WANDERWBLU. .■t.vsn'j?/? You may foe! "pot bound” fail some time, and at least you will find the wanderlust a most insidious thing i„ fight once you have made a decision and taken steps to settle in one spot for the rest of your days. You can hardly bto, >our friend for being concerned about the prospects of life with you. tVhila some argue that rolling stones gather no moss, and receive the obvious counter regarding the polish and experience and others, that a set stone is usually sit upon, you cannot gainsay that too much' uncertainty would prove a somewhat trying life sentence to most girls (tr im ing the worst, it is possible that it ‘may not always be convenient for vour wif„ to be on the wing, and to leave her kt home might also prove unsatisfa.-torv Dunng your discussions on the subject! be careful to avoid misunderstandings and discord ft would be wiser to settle down before you do marry, and test your own powers of endurance. This is the only way to be fair to the young woman as well as yourself. ANNE RUTLEDGE. KEEP YOUR CHILDREN Dear Miss Rutledge,— I am absolutely down and out, hav* ing been left a widow’ with two tiny children and no money or means oC securing money. A friend is willing to help me to get the kiddies adopted, but I bate to part with them. If it were only possible to have them cared for so that I could tide over a couple of years and get on my feet, life would ! look much brighter. Is there anything I can do? HEARTSICK. ANSWER Of course there is plenty you can /lo but you must not pivei way to heart* sickness. The very though of those babjt hands should put all thought of vour own feelings behind you for the time Heine, and spur you on to the loftiest of goals. Adversity frequently proves to be a jewel, but so often it is worn in a wrong set* ting. Tread this uphill path with ii firm faith, knowing that your trials will bring out all that is best and courageous in you. I feel sure that if you can keep your children it will be worth the struggle, however great. If you have them adopted, your peace of mind will be at stake. Until you recover from the worst of the struggle, why not put the youngsters in a home? There are many such institutions in the country, and a couple of years will pass quickly, and might enable you to give them your tender care and understanding once again. Why not see a friendly priest or pastor in your neighbourhood about this suggestion, and also concerning suitable employment? If you are a good cook and have a pleasing personality, your path should not be too difficult. If you have not a pleasing personality, then make up your mind to get one. Switch your thoughts round to the desire to please, and gladly co-operate, work hard and, above all, muster up and cultivate a smile. It will pay you in more ways than one. ANNE RUTLEDGE.

BRIGHTER CURTAINS!

A smart idea that is just a matter of pence, but will make such a difference! American cloth is the very latest material for curtains. The stiffness of its folds, the shiny appearance and bright high-lights, introduce a new note in furnishing. A long curtain of this cloth is particularly effective when two rooms are connected by a doorway; for instance, in brilliant emerald green or lacquer red, according to your colour scheme. Cushions of American cloth squares are novel additions. One striking room seen in a house in Paris had cushions of scarlet, black and white to tone with the decorations, which were based on scarlet, grey and black.